The 9 Psychological Keys To An Amicable Separation
Breakups usually affect the people involved in it in a very negative way, and sometimes even more people, especially if there are small children involved.
In situations of this type, it is relatively common for feelings of discomfort, disappointment and frustration to arise; and in the most severe cases, reproaches or lack of respect usually cause a separation that can be truly traumatic.
However, a separation is not synonymous with hostility and confrontation that generates discomfort. Also It may happen that both people do their part to make the separation amicable Let’s see what the characteristics of this process are.
There are many causes and triggers that can cause a breakup on bad terms, but luckily, there are a series of recommendations that are very useful to prevent the appearance of these bad communication dynamics. so that the separation process can be carried out in a friendly and satisfactory manner for both parties (as long as there have been no cases of abuse or mistreatment of any kind in this relationship, in which case we should not aspire to be “in tune with the other” but rather we should prioritize the search for protection for the victim).
If you want to know the main guidelines that can help us cope with a separation in an amicable way, keep reading.
1. Respect
Maintaining respectful behavior is an essential requirement in any social interaction, and especially in the context of a couple once the relationship has ended.
After the deterioration of a relationship, the point can be reached where respect for the other person is lost, which usually leads to insults, personal disqualifications and all kinds of aggressive behaviors that do nothing to promote an amicable separation.
That is why, although we may feel very hurt by the other person and no matter how right we think we are, it is advisable to always maintain a respectful attitude towards our ex-partner with the aim of facilitate and expedite the separation or divorce process
This desire for mutual respect becomes even more necessary in the event that the couple can have children together.
2. Agreement
Mutual agreement is another of the essential characteristics of any amicable separation and is an unequivocal sign that both members of the couple They want to go through this process in the best way possible for both of them
Agreement, positive negotiation, being willing to give in when necessary are essential elements to resolve essential issues during the breakup, such as the distribution of assets and in general any other economic issue that must be addressed at the end of the relationship.
It is evident that a positive attitude towards agreement and collaboration helps create a climate of greater well-being that has a positive impact on both members of the couple, as well as other family members, friends and even the children they may have.
3. Focus on the future
In those relationships that have gone through an amicable separation process, it is common that both members of it are willing to turn the page and look to the future focusing on the new stage they are in.
On the contrary, those couples who have not ended their relationship on good terms tend to get stuck in the past, focusing on the negative feelings and discomfort caused by the breakup.
In addition to that, it is also common for one or both members of the couple to make continuous reproaches focused on past insults, adding greater pain to the already difficult breakup situation.
To overcome this situation, it is advisable not to reinforce the idea that the relationship has failed and focus on a hopeful future based on stimulating and positive teachings and experiences what we have gone through during that time of courtship or marriage.
Being able to meet again and have a friendly chat without confrontations or arguments about the past is one of the unmistakable signs that the breakup between two people has been amicable. We must try to maintain fluid communication that is either hindered by the fear that the other person will prejudge us or encourage us to attack
Another of the essential characteristics of a successfully completed breakup is the possibility of having conversations in both formal and informal modes, without this changing the fluidity of the conversation in the slightest.
5. Sense of humor
Having a sense of humor and being able to joke even in the most difficult situations we may go through throughout our lives is a sign of good management of emotions and the ability to go beyond the “tragic” perspective of events. .
The ability to joke about the current situation after the breakup with another person or even friendly reminisce about past episodes during the relationship as well indicates that the breakup has been resolved on good terms or that at least it is going that way
You may be interested: “The 14 most important types of humor”
6. A hopeful perspective on the ability to get over the breakup
It is normal to go through a stage of suffering and discomfort during the first stages of a relationship breakup; However, once this has been overcome, each member of the old relationship is capable of move forward with their lives in an optimistic way and forget the bad times
Being aware of this capacity for resilience predisposes us not to enter into behavioral dynamics that lead us to feed emotional pain and the constant search for “guilty” in the end of that relationship: we do not have to turn the rest of our lives into a prolongation of the discomfort of that separation.
In couples separated amicably, there is a lower risk of generating trauma in the young children they may have, since their parents will always put their well-being ahead of any personal dispute with their former partner.
There is no reason why two separated parents cannot get along once the relationship ends, and that is a very positive example of behavior with beneficial repercussions for the development of the children.** Do not lose sight of their quality of life, In addition, it helps create harmony between people who separate, since they must continue collaborating in that sense**.
Related article: “Children’s therapy: what it is and what are its benefits”
8. Honesty about the reason for the breakup
Some couples tend to blame each other when it comes to figuring out the reason for the breakup, shifting all the responsibility for it onto the other person.
Be aware of the part of responsibility that each one has It is a very healthy way to approach the transition process and not leave “loose ends.” that give rise to insecurities and anguish in the face of uncertainty.
9. Life change
After a breakup, it is common for one or both members to begin to make some changes in their lives, which can be of various types and influence various areas of their daily reality.
These changes in habits or interests help relieve tension and make the transition to this new stage of life more satisfying making it easier to stop associating the ex with a strong feeling of discomfort.
Do you want to have psychological support?
If you are looking for psychological assistance in the form of individualized psychotherapy or couples therapy, contact me.
I am a General Health Psychologist federated by the FEAP with more than 20 years of experience and I offer in-person and online sessions by video call.
