The Psychological Implications of Attachment in Family Relationships

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The family is the strongest pillar of human relationships. It is the first social contact we know and from which we begin to bond with others. But are all family relationships the same? What are our relationships with our main caregivers like?

This is what I want us to talk about today. Because? Because depending on these, how we manage them and how we learn to relate, it will influence how we grow, the adults we form and how we manage the adversities that may arise.

To do this, I want us to answer several questions.

What is attachment?

Attachment is the emotional bond that we create from birth with our main caregivers and reference people

However, attachment is not always expressed in the same way in family relationships. Let’s see what forms it can take.

What types of attachment exist?

We find four types of attachment, which are the following.

1. Disorganized attachment

It is characteristic in families in which there has not been a good family structure in which both physical and psychological abuse was common, and with situations in which contempt or insults were an everyday occurrence.

2. Distancing or avoidant attachment

It is common in people who they feel that all their needs or care were covered, except emotionally, there being negligence In this case we find families in which there is some structure, but not in all areas, and above all there is negligence on a psychological level.

3. Worried, anxious or ambivalent attachment

We met with families in which privacy does not exist It is common that in this type of family it is forbidden to close the door, or if we close it, at any time a person enters to see if everything is fine and in order. Furthermore, the use of emotional blackmail is common with phrases such as “if you don’t do what I ask of you, you don’t love me.”

4. Secure attachment

In this type of family there is a good family structure, in which good harmony, care, coherence and autonomy are given adequately

Possible patterns of behavior in the face of inadequate attachment

The best type of attachment is secure attachment, due to the existence of a good balance in all areas. This can be worked on.

But what happens to us when we have another type of attachment? Or when we experience situations in which we feel in danger or that we cannot?

Hold on to danger

This is something natural, it happens for example in animals like the remora fish, which stays attached to its predator in order to feel that it is safe. Sometimes the same thing happens to human beings, it is easier to stay next to something that we know is bad for us than to try to find a change.

When in reality if we take the step of taking control of our life, everything improves. It is common that when we feel this way, we depend on others to be well, or we have a worried attachment to the people we love.

Build a protective wall

Giving an example, as in the previous case we have spores or turtles. They have a shell with which they protect themselves from the outside. These people usually appear strong, they isolate themselves, so that no one can harm them. Many times caused by living in environments that have taught them that it is the only way for things to be better.

Many times when we find ourselves like this, we are able to not let our environment notice it, other times we react by “attacking” or “harming” the people we love the most and it is very difficult for us to talk about our emotions.