Being able to turn the page after a breakup is much more than finding a way to reconcile with those memories that the dating or marriage relationship has left behind.
And it is also more than integrating new ways of living and socializing as a single person into your daily life.
And beyond how important it is to know how to adapt to being single “from the outside”, it is also necessary to do so from the inside, ensuring that you maintain a well-balanced self-esteem. This is especially important because, if this aspect is neglected, it is very easy to fall into behavioral dynamics that feed the feeling of loneliness and that it is impossible to adapt to the present.
Therefore, in this article we will see How we can overcome a breakup by improving our self-esteem.
- Related article: “The 8 psychological pillars to overcome a breakup”
What is self-esteem?
Let’s start by defining self-esteem. This is the combination of the beliefs we hold about who we are and what we are capable of, on the one hand, and our assessment of how we feel about that, for the other. That is, self-esteem includes both verbalizable and emotional elements.
In this sense, when our assessment of ourselves is very pessimistic, we have low self-esteem, and when it corresponds more or less to reality, we have a good level of self-esteem.
Since this set of beliefs and emotions is related to practically everything we do in our daily lives (after all, the concept of “I” is at the center of many of our thoughts), Self-esteem has effects in all areas of life. And of course, one of them is life as a couple or, in contrast, being single.
- You may be interested: “The 4 components of self-esteem (explained)”
How to improve self-esteem allows you to overcome a relationship breakup
Let’s see what the process of turning the page after a relationship breakup consists of improving self-esteem.
1. It allows you to trust in your own ability to be happy independently
There are many people who define happiness as something that depends on having or not having a relationship. That is They subscribe to the idea of “I am happy because I am with someone.”as if the path to happiness necessarily had to go through being in a relationship based on romantic love.
However, assuming that is a mistake; It is important to understand happiness as your own responsibility. Each person must work on what makes them happy and then decide to share it with their partner. And this is also reflected in the way of managing an emotional crisis triggered by the breakup.
In this sense, it is worth noting that To be happy it is important to feel capable of reaching a way of life capable of providing satisfaction with what you do on a daily basis.and having low self-esteem it is very difficult for this to happen.
Those who feel bad about their own identity are capable of recognizing that their way of life does not satisfy them, but they do not see the point in changing their situation, because they do not see themselves capable of doing so or, directly, they assume that they are predestined to unhappiness.
- Related article: “Albert Bandura’s Self-Efficacy: do you believe in yourself?”
2. Helps overcome feelings of guilt
After a breakup, it is common to experience intense feelings of guilt.. This is because the unpleasantness of the experience predisposes people to focus their attention on memories about actions they did and that at the time could anticipate the outcome of that relationship.
These kinds of remembered or partially imagined images can appear again and again in the person’s mind, in the form of intrusive thoughts.
But boost self-esteem It helps to not focus only on the feeling of guilt, and to transform that discomfort into motivation to learn from mistakes.. This orientation toward goals to achieve makes us go from an obsessive tendency to focus on the past to orient ourselves toward the future and the good things it can bring.
- You may be interested: “What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?”
3. It is reflected in social skills
After a breakup, you run the risk of entering a lifestyle characterized by social isolation, by not replacing the time previously dedicated to being in a relationship with more time to socialize with other people after returning to being single. And when added to this is the fact of having low self-esteem, the chances of not daring to meet new people or get in touch with old friends.
Therefore, reinforcing self-esteem helps to function better in those relatively complex situations of enriching one’s own social life, without being completely intimidated by the new sensations that this entails.
- Related article: “The 6 types of social skills, and what they are for”
Do you want to start a psychotherapy or coaching process?
If you want psychological support, we invite you to contact our team of professionals. UPAD Psychology and Coachingfrom where we serve in person and online by video call.
Upad Psychology and Coaching
Upad Psychology and Coaching
Psychology Center in Madrid
We intervene in the areas of individualized psychotherapy, couples therapy, sexology, coaching, and sports psychology.