Toxic Mothers: These 12 Characteristics Make Them Unbearable

In the family environment there are all types of people who, in certain cases, can turn education during our first years of life into a very negative experience

And there is no natural law according to which the relationship with mothers and fathers must be easy. Many times, the context in which we live, or difficult experiences in the past, cause the way we interact with some family members to become distorted. In this case we will talk about a phenomenon that may be known as “toxic mothers”

What are toxic mothers like?

Mothers, because of their traditional role as caregivers that is still preserved in many countries and partly also because of the special bond of attachment they establish with their children during breastfeeding, are a fundamental element in this aspect, and their influence on Parenting is usually more decisive than that of the parents.

Those toxic mothers who are so voluntarily or involuntarily and who, moved by love or self-interest, They transform the education of some people into an ordeal, they can leave a mark on the people raised by them

    These are people who establish a negative bond with their sons or daughters, to the point of making actions that in principle can be based on love and affection become a leash that limits the freedom and well-being of others.

    Despite what it may seem, the responsibility for the relationship not being good It doesn’t have to be entirely from the mother Relationships are two-way roads, and no matter how bad a bond may seem, many times the two people involved could be doing something to improve it.

    Now, what characterizes toxic mothers is that, although sometimes they are not 100% to blame for the bad relationship, for the sons or daughters the sacrifice of having to carry this relationship can be such a heavy burden. that, despite being able to look for ways to improve the situation, that option is unaffordable, because it would require suffering a lot for a longer time. Therefore, many times the situation leads to loss of contact

    Voluntarily or involuntarily toxic mothers: their characteristics

    Knowing how to identify cases in which someone behaves like a toxic mother is very important to put a stop to the situation and make this adult re-learn how to educate appropriately.

    These are some of the signs that can be useful when identifying them Not all of them have to occur at the same time, but they offer a guideline for your behavior.

    1. Fixation with gender roles

    Some toxic mothers are toxic because they feel they must pass on to their daughters the cultural legacy of what being a woman is supposed to represent. That is why, Without realizing it, they will pressure their daughters to adopt a submissive attitude towards men and so that they see household chores as their responsibility (regardless of their real preferences).

    Normally, extremely conservative toxic father figures do not worry so much about educating their daughters in this sense, but rather leave this task to the mothers.

    2. The “Prince Charming” illusion

    A problem derived from the previous one is that toxic mothers with a very conservative profile educate their daughters in the idea that they will not be happy without a man by their side

    In this way, they are educated to feel sadness and regret if, for whatever reason, they find themselves single for a period of time that they consider excessive, and they become involved in relationships simply to escape being single.

    3. Controlling personality

    This is a characteristic of toxic mothers that is reflected in their way of raising sons and daughters. In these cases, mothers tend to assume that as a maternal figure they must have maximum responsibility for the education of their sons and daughters, to the point that the latter do not have any decision-making capacity over what they do.

    Of course, This is a very harmful idea that feeds a relationship dynamic in which any choice must go through the mother leaving the little ones without the possibility of learning to be autonomous and learn from their successes and mistakes.

    4. The projection on sons and daughters

    This is a characteristic that both toxic mothers and their male analogues share: the tendency to believe that their offspring will become the “ideal self” that they never became That is why, sometimes, many fathers and mothers enroll their children in such a number of extracurricular activities that the latter end up exhausted and without time or desire to dedicate to what they really like.

    Furthermore, since toxic mothers and toxic fathers perceive their offspring always taking into account the fact that they belong to a generation, they consider this as a race against time: they want to make their children perfect in the shortest possible time. For this reason, sometimes they begin to “train” certain abilities when they are very young, before the age of 7 or 8, and force them to continue practicing over the years.

    5. Distrust of friends

    Some toxic parents can take on the role of protective woman so much that they prohibit their sons and daughters from forming friendships with people they consider suspicious, even if it is simply because of their appearance. This, of course, produces intense frustration in the little ones who can learn that friendships are kept secret, thus creating a fence between the circle of friends and the family that in adult life can lead to the isolation of the latter.

    Furthermore, in some cases, the criteria by which it is established that a friend is acceptable becomes a sign of racism, thereby instilling this discriminatory mental scheme in their offspring from their earliest years.

    6. Passive-aggressive attitude

    Toxic mothers do not adapt to the fact that the way they try to educate is totally rejected, and they will continue to try to behave as they did at the beginning, without learning from the experience.

    What usually changes is their mood, which usually becomes that of a frustrated person who gives up changing strategies to see if better results are obtained. Normally, in these cases, the help of another person is necessary so that these mothers see with perspective that their discomfort can be mitigated by trying new things.

    7. Indifference

    There are mothers who, instead of being controlling, are exactly the opposite On many occasions they disguise as permissiveness what is actually indifference or little desire to manage clashes of interests between them and the children.

    The result of this is usually children who present Emperor Syndrome and, as adults, people who are defenseless in adult life, who easily fall into frustration and with low tolerance for anxiety-generating situations.

    8. Overprotection

    Overprotection has a lot to do with the controlling personality, but it occurs through the fear of sons or daughters facing the challenges of adult life. This way of relating to sons and daughters gives incentives not to take the initiative and to stay within the comfort zone.

    9. Competitive mentality

    This is another of the characteristic features of toxic mothers that have to do with projection; In this case, we try to show before everyone’s eyes that one’s sons or daughters are better than the rest, either by buying them more things, putting more pressure on them to study, etc. This may have to do with the fear that children will be unprotected in their adult and independent lives, but it is very psychologically draining.

    The important thing is that we do not work to satisfy the real needs of the little ones, but rather to achieve social status through them

    10. Habitual use of violence to punish

    The habitual use of punishment methods based on violence, whether physical or verbal through insults, is one of the most harmful phenomena that can occur within the family. Not only does it cause suffering in the specific moments in which it is escrow, but it also fuels distrust, resentment and fear.

    11. Parental alienation

    Trying to turn children against a family member, usually the other parent after a separation or divorce, is one of the forms of manipulation with the most serious consequences Of course, it can occur in both fathers and mothers.

    12. The meddling

    Even within families, intimacy is important. Not knowing how to respect that generates a lot of discomfort in the long run.