Unwanted Loneliness: What it is and How We Can Combat it

Unwanted loneliness It is a psychological discomfort that affects many people, and that often appears in psychotherapy sessions. Let’s see what it consists of.

What is unwanted loneliness?

Unwanted loneliness is the feeling experienced by part of the population in which there is the perception of not having support or someone to count on.

This does not mean that those who experience it have to be physically isolated, but rather that despite being in contact with other people, they do not feel supported by them, which generates clinically significant discomfort and a deterioration in quality of life

A person may decide to voluntarily isolate themselves from the rest of society, but unlike unwanted loneliness, in these cases this isolation is actively sought, and does not cause discomfort.

By itself, unwanted loneliness is not a diagnosis, but there is usually comorbidity (appearance of 2 disorders simultaneously) with other disorders such as depression, anxiety disorders, personality disorders or borderline personality disorder.

What causes it?

It is not a single-factor cause, it is normally generated as a result of the union of different risk factors that end up leading to this loneliness.

Some of these factors could be social skills problems since if someone does not know how to relate, it will be difficult for them to generate a social circle in which they feel supported.

Another factor that stands out on many occasions is age, since, unfortunately, all too often, older people are becoming isolated from their environment because it is more difficult for them to establish contact with each other, death of friends and family. Changes in their environment, such as going to a residence, loss of family visits… all of this causes the person to increasingly see their social roots become more weakened.

Finally, another factor that must be taken into account is geographical mobility, since When you change residence, you leave behind relationships that often weaken and it can be difficult to maintain and at the same time, it is very difficult to establish new relationships.

What consequences does it have?

Many times can lead to anxiety problems, depression, self-esteem problems fear of facing social situations… All of this can occur to a greater or lesser extent, but what is evident is that it generates deep frustration and negative feelings that end up spreading to other areas of the person’s life.

In addition to the consequences that we have mentioned before, this loneliness can try to be compensated with behaviors that are harmful to health such as drug use or other addictions, it can increase the risk of suicide, criminal and antisocial behavior.

On the other hand, in recent years it has been seen that there is a relationship between unwanted loneliness and the likelihood of suffering from Alzheimer’s.

Who usually suffers from it?

Apart from elderly people What other profiles tend to suffer from unwanted loneliness?

There is no single profile, since, although it is true that we tend to think mainly of older people, the entire society is exposed to this risk. Starting with the youngest children, in whom if they do not have adequate social education and opportunities to interact with their peers and have reference and attachment figures, they could suffer from unwanted loneliness.

The stage of adolescence is well known as a time of change, and sometimes of detachment from family to focus on friends. This leads to the risk that if this evolution is not well managed can result in a vacuum by not feeling integrated with either one or the other.

Furthermore, both in adolescence and adulthood, Social networks are a very big factor of frustration, since we think they unite us and prevent loneliness, but they tend to generate superficial relationships and to a large extent promote social comparison. This is because the “best version” is shown and can generate a bias in the person who receives this information, believing that “they are less sociable” than those around them.

Has it increased in recent years? Because?

This possible perception of loneliness has always existed, but it has increased due to the use of social networks and by the current pace of life that does not allow us to establish such intense social relationships since stress means that we hardly have time to interact in a meaningful way.

The truth is that we are going to a worrying reality, in which our routine and the exacerbated use of new technologies, the speed at which everything goes… is preventing us from socializing as we should.

How do new technologies influence the feeling of loneliness?

Although they can have a positive influence, since they allow us to maintain or create relationships, the truth is that new technologies also do so in a very negative way, because it seems to us that everyone has many friends to go out with, we can fall into comparisons and feeling very isolated. On the other hand, we’ve all been in meetings where people look at their phones instead of the ones in front of them. These acts are isolating us.

How can you combat this emotional isolation?

In any profile, it is important to assess whether a social network truly exists, not necessarily a very large one, and whether, despite it existing, the person continues to feel alone.

In our Mariva Psychologists clinic, in Valencia, we make an adequate evaluation of each patient’s experience, since This feeling of loneliness may be a symptom of some other psychological disorder Based on what is evaluated, you can work on people’s thoughts and behaviors.

For example, if I think that I am alone and that is not real, we will have to see why I think it, what expectations I have, since if I want to have a social plan every day, perhaps I have unrealistic expectations, or if I do not have a social network of support, you can start looking for activities and training social tools to create it.

On the other hand, if we talk about this loneliness being a symptom of an anxiety disorder, depression, self-esteem problems… it must be treated as a global whole in psychological therapy.

How to help?

If we detect that someone in our environment may feel lonely, as in the case of older people, we have to try to express our affection to them to a greater extent and suggest places to go where they can interact. It must be remembered that we are social beings and that, if we do not see this need met, we do not feel good.