What is a Childhood Emotional Wound?

A childhood emotional wound is an emotional damage that occurs when we are children. This emotional damage exceeds the child’s ability to integrate and make sense of what is happening to them and process the emotions that are generated from it.

The emotional wound becomes entrenched, does not heal, and continues to bleed when we are adults.

What is the origin of a childhood emotional wound?

The emotional wound is generated by our parents, many times without bad intentions, since they carry their own wounded children and do what they can; and school, a first environment in which we can live a very happy stage or a terrifying stage in which they can hurt us a lot.

On the other hand, Childhood emotional wounds cause us to have low self-esteem, generating insecurity in the world and in the relationships we establish. They cause us to develop false limiting beliefs about ourselves, such as that we do not deserve love, we are bad, we are not enough, or we cannot trust others and the world.

Additionally, it disconnects us from our natural ability to hear and feel emotions. Our emotional compass is broken and, therefore, our needs that arise from these emotions take a backseat.

The 7 childhood emotional wounds

I ask you some questions so that you can detect if you have any of the 7 childhood wounds that I am going to talk to you about later.

Do you feel fragile? That you don’t love yourself? That you give everything for others, but you find it difficult to think about yourself? Do you find it difficult to manage your emotions? Do you have painful memories from the past that you’d rather not look at? Are you afraid of loving someone? Are you afraid that they will stop loving you? Are you afraid of losing the other? Are you ashamed to expose yourself to others? Are you afraid of being rejected?

I have to tell you that what I am going to explain to you below is not only part of my academic training, but also part of the experience I have had with all my patients. The characteristics that you are going to read about each wound are not exclusive to that wound; You may come across some characteristic of another wound that probably also belongs to yours. Nothing is black or white in psychology.

1. Wound of abandonment

When we talk about this wound we refer to a very intense fear that the other person will abandon us or stop loving us. It comes from parents who have been physically or emotionally absent or parents who have overprotected us too much. From here, therefore:

2. Rejection wound

It comes from parents who have not accepted us for who we are unconditionally. and it is always linked to a stage of bullying. From this wound we feel a very intense fear that the other will reject me for who I am. Let’s look at some of its features:

3. Humiliation wound

We feel that there is some defect within ourselves. It comes from parents who have ridiculed us for our way of being or our physique. Especially associated with mothers who are controlling, perfectionist, and who give excessive importance to what they will say, to the body and to the image. It is also usually closely associated with bullying at school and within the family by cousins ​​or siblings, that is, by peers.

4. Wound of betrayal

It arises when our parents have disappointed us on more than one occasion. The signs are the following:

• I distrust the world, life, and everyone. I have lost hope in humanity.
• I am rigid and intolerant.
• I get very upset and personalize that you don’t love me because of small details like: I talk to you and you don’t listen to me, you arrive 5 minutes late for our appointment, I tell you something and you tell it to someone else, you don’t remember my birthday, etc.
• It is very difficult for me to trust you, to surrender to the bond and to let myself be loved.
• I am constantly alert about small details. I control. If you fail me in one small thing I will stay at a distance and from paranoia in our bond.

5. Wound of guilt

When we tend to take responsibility for everything and everyone. It comes from families in which we have had the role of taking responsibility for our families’ wounds and emotions. In experiences like this, Normally we tend to have grown up as adult children, maturing ahead of time. We are the best caregivers and protectors of others, but we don’t know how to take care of ourselves. Tracks:

• I am a highly responsible person with what I do, with my life and with my studies.
• I am very organized and decisive.
• I tend to care so much about the other person that sometimes they get overwhelmed.
• I feel the other person’s failures and mistakes as my own, as well as their emotions. It is difficult for me to separate myself from the other.
• It is difficult for me to ask for help and talk about what I feel, because I am used to taking care of others.
• I feel guilty if I don’t take care of you. Easily blackmailed if you put yourself in a victim role.
• I can’t stop helping you because if not, I don’t feel loved.

6. Wound of injustice

Comes from situations that we have experienced in our families of origin as unfair, both between our parents and with ourselves. Especially, it comes from a father who has been rigid and intolerant towards his son, who looks at society from injustice and non-acceptance and gets involved in issues of politics, economics, etc. I have this wound if:

• I am a defender of lost causes: I participate in NGOs, volunteer constantly, demonstrate, burn containers, I am a revolutionary, etc.
• Highly strict morals: I try to never lie and never hurt anyone. It bothers me a lot when the other person doesn’t take me into account and is unfair to me.
• I am self-demanding with myself and with my life, my responsibilities and even with my own body.

7. Recognition wound

Arises when we have not felt valued in our families of origin and/or when what we have done has never been enough in the eyes of others. Or, on the contrary, when we have been valued so much for this that we feel that we are nothing because there is no more identity beyond that. Or when our self-esteem is only linked to academics. When we have had highly demanding and perfectionist parents, who above all valued studies and academics.

It also occurs in people who work in high-status positions, such as doctors, engineers, doctors in research, employees in international competitive companies, etc. I have this wound if:

• I get very angry if the other person corrects me, for me it is important to do everything perfect. I can get so defensive that I might burst into anger. It seems like it never has errors.
• Rigid beliefs about perfection, excellence, not stopping, not resting…
• Emotional repression, seeing emotions from things that are bad, make me vulnerable and that I must control.
• Tendency to develop compulsive mechanisms to release contained emotions: eating, cleaning, obsessive thoughts, excessive gym…
• Limiting style beliefs: I’m not worth it, it’s never enough, I have to be perfect, I have to be able to do everything, etc.
• Terror of failure in the academic-work environment and pathological association of self-care with failure: intense fear of postponing the delivery of a job, changing jobs if I don’t feel well, stopping, setting limits, leaving on time, resting, etc.
• Frequent anxiety attacks and chronic stress, I am always thinking about what my next career step will be that will give me success and stability.
• Imposter syndrome: I am objectively very intelligent but I don’t believe it, I feel like I am useless and clumsy.

• You may be interested: “The 6 characteristics of childhood traumas”

How to heal each of the 7 childhood wounds?

The first case is to realize and recognize that we have a childhood emotional wound. Afterwards, it is necessary to know that the only way to heal it is by taking responsibility for it and not blaming anyone.

The second step is the same for all people: cry, get angry, feel… walk the wound. Not from a rational part, but from the gut. You can only do this with a specialized therapist.

The third step is learn to love yourself, look at yourself, listen to you and prioritize yourself from affection and unconditional love.

The fourth step, and here each one has their specific route, is to do things that we have never done because we have this injury. I give you some quick tips for each wound.

1. Wound of abandonment

Practice autonomy, learn to live with loneliness do things alone, regulate your emotions alone, etc.

• You may be interested: “Unwanted loneliness: what it is and how we can combat it”

2. Rejection wound

Practice expressing what you feel or think more frequently. Be you, more authentic and consistent with yourself. Let go of fear and get angrier. Start by setting limits with the people you trust the most and then in the world: defend yourself if someone jumps the line at the supermarket, ask the waiter to change your plate, etc.

• Related article: “Extreme shyness: what it is, causes, and how to overcome it”

3. Humiliation wound

Expose the parts of yourself that you like least, accept them, love them and show them. Breathe your shame as you feel it on her body, get used to it until it’s gone. Tell yourself that you can allow yourself to be insecure and that it doesn’t say anything bad about you. She makes you human.

4. Wound of betrayal

Learn to trust. Open yourself to the possibility that the other person could betray you. Let go of control. Little by little expose your vulnerable part. Let yourself be loved.

5. Wound of guilt

Stop caring. Focus on taking care of yourself. Learn to sustain anguish when the other cannot, gets frustrated, and crashes. You have to learn and grow. Save yourself, it’s you who needs help.

6. Wound of injustice

Stop to the complaint. Accept that the world is cruel and unfair and that you cannot change it. He releases resentment and anger. Connect with what is underneath, which is usually pain. Allow yourself to be unfair from time to time. You are not a robot, you have feelings and sometimes you are wrong Others feel jealous and envious, and that’s okay.

7. Recognition wound

Take care of yourself, spend less time at work and dedicate it to yourself. Release control. Breathe. Flowing. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone or test yourself. You are enough. Love yourself like this, with your imperfections and for how you are, not for what you do.