What Kind Of Relationship Can You Have With An Ex?
If you have broken up with your partner and don’t know what type of relationship is best, read the following article. In it I talk about the different options and their advantages and disadvantages.
Relationships mark us, especially when they have lasted for a long time, although this is not always the case, since sometimes short relationships can be very intense and greatly mark the person. Be that as it may, exes are people who leave their mark and sometimes remain in one’s life but in a different way.
A topic of debate among friends is usually what type of relationship one should or should not have with ex-partners. Surely you have talked about this topic at some point and you can find opinions of all types, from people who say they try to be best friends with their exes to people who don’t want anything to do with them. Now, which option is better?
Consider your ex-partner as a best friend
After all, your partner has been your best friend during the relationship, so… why not continue valuing him/her that way? In fact, it can be very beneficial if the friendship is healthy on both sides, but if one of the two people is still in love, there may be problems in the future. In addition, certain behaviors can be misinterpreted, which can lead to uncomfortable situations for both you and your family.
On the other hand, even if there are no romantic feelings towards the other person, the feeling of belonging may still exist, that is, feeling that the person belongs to us and cannot be a partner of anyone else. This triggers jealousy and problematic situations that can lead to relationship problems and a breakup of friendship.
If you have children together, having your ex as your best friend can make things very easy for you, although you have to make reality very clear to the children and that can sometimes confuse them. On the other hand, it has the advantage that the communication between you will probably be very good and you can have a similar education or talk about disagreements or inconsistencies in the rules of each house.
Another important point is when the time comes to start a new relationship or for your ex to do the same. It may be that new partners feel jealous of the existing feeling with your ex and there may be setbacks with the current partner because of “where there was fire, there are always ashes left”, so it is very important to work on communication with the partner you have at that point. is formed.
Maintain a strong friendship
Even if you do not consider your ex-partner to be your best friend, you may want to maintain a friendship with him/her, either because you have friends in common, because of your children, or because you simply consider that he/she is a person you want to be in. your life.
In order to do this work, the same thing as in the previous point must happen. If one of the two still has feelings for the other, there may be problems and misunderstandings, so leaving a reasonable amount of time apart is essential to be able to maintain the friendship relationship in the future. You may be the one who is very clear about it and know how to perfectly separate the friendship from what was there, but perhaps the other person is not capable of doing the same even if they say yes. Or you can continue to hope that the relationship will be fixed and you will get back together. If so, distance yourself because you will hurt yourself. After a while, when you no longer feel the same, it is time to resume the friendship if you still want it.
The advantages and disadvantages are the same as in the previous point. On a positive note, it is worth adding that having a friendship with an ex is having an almost unconditional relationship, like a family member. The other person knows everything about you and you know everything about him/her, so you can count on that person whenever you need it and they will be able to help you better than anyone else. Now, maintaining that friendship is very difficult due to everything mentioned above and requires a great effort, especially in the first years after the breakup.
Be “colleagues”
Colleagues are understood as life partners with whom you share specific moments of leisure or have a certain amount of communication with them. This implies that the degree of intimacy is much lower than with a friendship relationship.
This type of relationship has the advantage that you can maintain a certain distance from the person and you do not have to know what is happening in their intimate life and they have to respect your space in the same way that you do.
Furthermore, you don’t have to give up what you liked about that person or completely distance yourself, but you don’t have to tell them everything either.
On the other hand, if you have children in common, having cordial communication and a certain “good vibe” is always good for the children. This will prevent you from continuously tripping each other and therefore, the minors will grow up with more consistent guidelines and a better emotional environment at home.
The only possible inconvenience that you may encounter is that you cannot handle that relationship, that one of you is not prepared and needs more time away, or that you want cordiality but the other person does not want it. Given that, you can’t do anything but wait to see if he decides to change his mind and if not, respect it.
Not having any communication or relationship
Eyes that do not see, hearts that do not feel. After a breakup, this step is necessary and sometimes, when you are over it, you do not need to have contact with the other person or you do not want him/her in your life. The damage caused may have been irreparable and you are within your rights, in the same way as the other person is.
The main drawback of this option is when there are children involved. Some communication is essential to be able to coordinate with the other parent. So maybe you have to bite the bullet and keep in touch. Of course, if you start spilling dirty laundry or harming each other, the children will be the ones who look resentful. Try to make an effort for their good.
