What Should I Do If I Have Anxiety And My Partner Doesn’t Understand It?
Although romantic relationships are a means in which we can get to know the most intimate side of the person we are with, this does not guarantee that we will be able to fully understand the most important aspects of their way of thinking or feeling. And the same thing happens on the contrary: having a partner does not mean that we are going to have someone who understands us completely; It all depends on the communication skills of both parties.
Thus, although there is a strong emotional and affective connection, sometimes this does not come hand in hand with a good connection on an intellectual level. In this sense, one of the most common problems that arise in courtships and marriages is that one of the people develops excessive anxiety and the other does not fully understand what is happening.
Why doesn’t my partner understand that I suffer from anxiety?
In couples therapy it is relatively common to encounter cases in which, despite the fact that a person has been suffering from anxiety problems for months or years, their boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband does not understand the implications of this, nor what impact this has on them. the quality of life of the other person. This It can be due to many causes, but the most common are the following::
At the time of communicate appropriately that you suffer due to excess anxiety keep these tips in mind:
What can my partner do to help me if I have anxiety problems?
If you have noticed that your anxiety problems are interfering with your relationship and the person you love could do more to help improve your relationship or support you to make it easier to cope with the situation, offer these tips.
1. Agree to establish a very clear chain of routines
Those who are prone to suffering from excessive anxiety have problems coping with situations in which they do not know what to do next, what to do during the minutes ahead of them. Therefore, a good way to maintain a routine of coexistence and activities as a couple is to have a predefined schedule not only during the work day, but also with regard to free time or home or family responsibilities. Both of you should do your part to ensure that this temporal distribution of “activity blocks” does not satisfy one person more than the other.
2. When arguing, commit to not raising your voice
Arguing from time to time is inevitable in relationships, and It is not in itself anything bad as long as it is not done from hostility or aggressiveness. But sometimes it is difficult not to get carried away by the frustration of seeing that the other person holds interests or a point of view that conflict with your own, and from there, something relatively common is that an escalation in the tone of voice occurs. , something that tends to especially affect those who are already prone to anxiety.
To try to keep things under control, talk specifically about this topic with your partner and reach an agreement not to raise your voice when arguing to avoid yelling; Also agree that if someone does not succeed, the other will remind them at that moment, assertively and without using it against them in the discussion.
3. Ask your child to help you maintain a consistent sleep schedule.
Lack of rest is one of the main triggers of anxiety problems. And at the same time, the time at which we go to bed and wake up is among the aspects most affected by the dynamics of living together as a couple. Therefore, it is recommended that you explain to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife who does his best to agree with you when to go to sleep and wake up at the same time.
4. If you have to criticize something about yourself, let it refer to specific actions
One of the aspects that most generate anxiety problems is excess perfectionism. Therefore, it is important to do everything possible to expose ourselves to criticism that is truly constructive, so that it does not lead us to question everything we do or to blame ourselves for “our way of being” in general, without knowing how to specify what we could have done. better and, consequently, leaving us with the uncertainty of what to do to learn from mistakes.
In this sense, it is worth it if you suffer from an anxiety disorder or if you are an anxious person in general, to give your partner some instructions on how to make observations about aspects of your behavior that could be improved.
A simple way to ensure that criticism is constructive is to talk not about the person who did something wrong, but about the action that was wrong. Furthermore, it is better that when he is going to tell you something about a mistake that (in his opinion) you have made, he offers you a solution or an alternative at that very moment, instead of commenting only on the bad that has already happened and not the good that It could be coming if you learn from your mistake.
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