What To Do If My Partner Blames Me For Not Working

The fact that a person does not work can affect their partner and the relationship as a whole. There may be several reasons why your partner complains about you not working. We describe them below:

• financial stress : The working person may feel that they are carrying a disproportionate financial burden and that their partner should contribute more to the household.
• Imbalance of responsibilities : If you don’t work, there may be an imbalance in household responsibilities and the person who works may feel that the entire burden of maintaining the home falls on them.
• Consideration of little effort on your part : Your partner may consider that you are not making enough efforts to find a job or improve your work situation.
• Money expectations : There may be tensions or disagreements around financial issues in the relationship, regarding who pays for what, how expenses are shared, etc.

If your partner blames you for not working, it is important to try to stay calm and avoid reacting in a defensive or aggressive way. Here are some tips you could follow to address the situation:

1. Positive talk about work

First of all, it is important that you both be able to have a positive conversation about work. To do this, you can follow the following steps :

1. Establish a convenient time for both of you when you are receptive to talking about the topic.
2. Find a private place without distractions.
3. Limit time, as open discussions can lead to tension.
4. Establish ground rules: one speaks, the other listens without interruption. Ask clarifying questions that are not critical. For example, instead of asking “Why…?” rephrase to “Can you tell me more about…?”
5. Talk about each person’s beliefs in relation to work and lessons learned. When we share a story, we help the other person understand our perspective.
6. Find the connection points where you both agree.
7. It is important to know when to stop and postpone the conversation for another time.

2. Support each other and see the problem as a couple

What should I do if my partner blames me for supporting me? Holding on to resentment and anger about the work situation is counterproductive. Negativity blocks our ability to think clearly, making it difficult to work and solve problems. It is something that can only damage the relationship and does not resolve the work issue.

Instead, reframing the problem as something that belongs to both of you is a most effective way to solve it and brings us closer to the next step.

3. Practical solutions for money management

Working together to find work, better control expenses, and manage money can help combat the discomfort and conflict that comes with not having a job for an extended period of time. Additionally, it is very helpful to think about ways to distribute work and financial responsibilities equitably and look for ways to improve financial situation in the long term

It is important that the two of you can sit down together and strategize not only for the job search, but also to avoid, or at least minimize, the conflicts that arise due to the stress of unemployment.

4. Attitude towards unemployment as something temporary and manageable

The ability to cope with the pressure of not finding a job depends on how couples deal with it. The repeated rejection that accompanies the job search is difficult, but a job opportunity is more likely to arise if you both stay focused on the result

Try to keep a broad perspective and focus on a future where there are opportunities. Avoid catastrophic thoughts like “I will never find a job.” To reach the right opportunity, you must not give up at the first “no”, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it may be. To do this, we recommend you read this article about what perseverance is in psychology.

5. Set realistic expectations for the future

If your partner blames you for what he or she does for you, you need to stay positive but realistic about what to expect in the coming weeks and months. You must take into account aspects such as family situation, illnesses, labor market, whether you are studying or not, how long it may take to find a job, etc.

Don’t stop maintaining a routine as much as possible. Be mutually responsible and establish a daily agenda for both of you: job interviews, leisure outings, household chores, etc.

6. Search for professional support

If tensions due to work and economic reasons are seriously affecting the couple’s relationship, and when in doubt about what to do if my partner blames me for not working, it is best to seek professional help. It can “unravel” your situation, improve communication between both of you, and help you understand each other more effectively. find strategies and tools to solve the problem

Additionally, a professional can help limit the psychological impact of the work situation and make it easier to focus on finding solutions. In this article you will find different games and exercises for couples therapy.

If your partner frequently throws money in your face, it can have a negative impact on your relationship. Some possible consequences could be:

• Emotional discomfort and low self-esteem : When your partner blames you for money or not working, you may experience a series of emotions, such as hostility and irritability, withdrawal and sadness, shame, insecurity, guilt and hopelessness. These can have a negative impact on your self-esteem and relationships with others. You most likely feel like a failure who can’t support yourself or your family. These prolonged nagging tends to affect the way the relationship is viewed as a whole.
• Individual beliefs about money : Family has a profound impact on the mindset and beliefs that each person creates and maintains regarding money. It forms the basis of experiences at an early age, so each person’s beliefs eventually become “normal” for each person. In this sense, it is possible that a clash of beliefs may occur with your partner if you have both been raised and educated in very different contexts and environments.
• Conflicts and tensions in the relationship : Arguments about money and work often turn into accusations, especially when one person feels that their partner is not trying hard enough or is spending too much. The couple is likely to blame each other for their situation and begin to engage in problematic behavior. The person who is the object of these actions will feel offended. This can lead to a spiral in which the conflict escalates and from which it is difficult to escape.
• Decreased intimacy and emotional connection : As the reproaches about money and work become constant, hostility and feelings of shame increase, making you feel increasingly distant from your partner.
• Marital dissatisfaction : Money is personal and the way it is talked about can create highly emotional reactions. Constant tensions can also bring other problems to the fore that are not directly related to money and/or work. Financial problems, and especially the way they are addressed and communicated, can affect the way we think, act and feel about our partner and the relationship, causing hostility and marital dissatisfaction.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What to do if my partner blames me for not working we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.