Lack of confidence, fear of failure and self-doubt are sensations that assail us at different times in our lives, preventing us from giving the best of ourselves.
Why do they arise? Can we do something to overcome them? And more importantly: What would we be able to do if we were not afraid?
There are many reasons that can foster insecurity in people, causing them to lose confidence in themselves and their abilities. However, five of them tend to be more frequent. We describe them below.
1. Expectations that are too high
Perfectionism, like any other human quality, is appropriate in its right measure. Although it is good to try to increase our achievements and improve ourselves as people, Being satisfied with our results can never be a problem
2. Judging yourself too harshly
Many people have a tendency to judge and criticize, find the negative, and make poor predictions about one’s abilities. Therefore, they can sometimes convince themselves that they are not good enough at what they do, or that they lack the necessary qualities to achieve said competence.
3. Worry about fear
Everyone has fears and trepidations. However, this is not a problem. Giving excessive importance to our fears or worrying excessively about them can, however, limit our lives
4. Lack of experience
Little practice in a certain area reduces the probability of feeling calm at the time of carrying it out. If we do not have confidence in our abilities and capabilities, we will feel a strong fear of carrying out a certain activity.
5. Lack of skills
As is intuitive, It is not natural to feel confident about doing something unless we consider ourselves good about it
How to improve self-confidence
Although our skills and previous experiences forge the “mattress of trust”, it will be our actions (despite being unreliable) that little by little offer us peace of mind and certainty in our competence. What would we be able to do if we were not afraid of failing?
The trainer in Acceptance and commitment therapy Russ Harris reveals four steps in the cycle of trust to achieve its consolidation:
1. Practice the skills
You learn to swim by swimming Fishing, fishing. It doesn’t matter knowing the theory, to achieve skill in a field we have to practice it. If you avoid challenging situations, you will never be able to test and improve your own abilities.
2. Apply them effectively
In order to develop properly in what we are doing we need to be able to focus on it, what in psychology is called full attention. If we stay trapped in our thoughts or feelings, we will not fully engage in the task, so we will lose effectiveness in it and our results will worsen.
3. Evaluate the results
The human tendency toward perfectionism leads us to want to do everything quickly and well. Non-critical self-examination and understanding self-motivation are the appropriate way to provide feedback
4. Introduce the necessary changes
Modify actions that lead to errors based on the results obtained, helps us improve our results, thus increasing our performance.
Basic rules of trust
The trust gap is where one gets trapped when fear gets in the way of our dreams and ambitions. So is fear bad?
It is common to hear that this is a sign of weakness that reduces our performance in what we undertake. However, it is not true. Trust does not consist of the absence of fear, but rather a different relationship with it As pointed out Eleanor Roosevelt : “We gain strength, courage and confidence in every experience in which we decide to look fear in the face. The danger is in refusing to face it, in not daring.”
And, as the first rule of trust of Harris, acts of trust come first, feelings later. If we want to grow and develop as human beings we have to take risks outside our familiar territory (known as the comfort zone) and enter the unknown.
Despite what we may think, we should not wait to feel confident to act, or we may wait a lifetime. And you? What would you dare to do if you were not afraid?
