We are social beings by nature, however, this should not lead us to the level of constantly seeking external approval. Sometimes our need for recognition and approval It can lead us to this point with the unconscious desire to fill an inner void or an emotional lack. Why do I always seek approval from others? If you habitually feel that this attitude defines your way of being, try to correct this position to connect with your own inner criteria. What are the causes that keep you anchored in this situation and how can you break this inertia that distances you from your own inner joy? In this PsychologyFor article, we give you practical guidance to deal with this situation.
Low self-esteem When a person undervalues himself, he places more importance on the opinions of others than on his own point of view. From this perspective, the person who finds themselves in this position of low self-esteem seeks in this constant approval the security that they lack in themselves. However, the risk of this situation is the dependency generated by having to consult many opinions before making your own decision.
Having experienced an episode of social vacuum That person who has experienced the pain, at some point in their life, of having felt invisibility by a reference environment, for example, the group of friends, may have been conditioned by a scenario in which they learned that their opinions were not taken into account. In this way, she prolongs the behaviors acquired at that moment without realizing that that moment is in the past and she can develop new resources. When the person remains on this level of seeking approval in this specific context, they do so because they suffer from the fear of loneliness and this attitude is a form of emotional survival.
Overprotection in childhood When a person has experienced an education focused on overprotection, they have developed a bond of dependency that limits their own freedom of decision. In this way, the search for approval from others becomes a form of personal reaffirmation in the face of uncertainty or fear of error.
Distorted view of reality You may believe that your happiness depends, as a cause and effect, on this constant harmony. The reality is that you can be very happy and make important decisions, observing the validity of your ideas without counting on external congratulations. Encourage empathy and think about how many people are important to you even though you disagreed with many of their most important decisions. Well, other people also love you unconditionally and want you to be truly free.
4 tips to eliminate the need for approval from others
Take responsibility for your own mistakes and your successes When you have the need to be liked and external recognition, this has a consequence. If, once you have applied that person’s advice, the results are not as expected, internally, you will hold that person who has surely guided you with good intentions responsible for that error. Face the challenge of assuming the consequences of your own decisions. It is easier to face and accept mistakes from this perspective.
Your opinion is important in the simplest details You are a valuable person, as much as anyone else. When, for example, you meet your friends to go to the movies, instead of saying that you don’t have a preference for a specific movie, express your opinion openly. This way, your friends can also get to know you better. From now on, start training your ability to show your opinions in these simple details because this way you gain emotional strength and training to achieve higher goals.
No matter how much you try, You won’t be able to please everyone In fact, many people don’t like this desire for approval either, which when repeated seems artificial. From now on, express your opinions and your points of view because thanks to this authenticity, you will be able to establish true bonds with some people. Stop emotionally tripping yourself up. For example, stop expressing opinions that you do not really think and feel, however, behind these expressions there is a desire for acceptance. The discomfort you feel from repressing your emotions is greater than the slight moderate well-being that you may feel in the initial moment in which you receive that feedback of acceptance.
It’s your life And no one can know what you want as well as you. No one can know as well as you what is meaningful to you. For this reason, from now on, let the laws of your own heart have more value on your map of the world.
Does this mean that external approval is negative? No. It simply means that you should not turn this fact into an absolute necessity for your self-esteem by concluding that you are more or less significant depending on the feedback you receive from others. Those people who truly are a positive influence are those who push you to be yourself.
Why do I always seek approval from others? If you ask yourself this question, look within yourself for the answer. It is a way to start giving value to your own criteria.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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