Why Do I Have A Hard Time Making Friends?


People’s lives and social environments are understood as an indispensable part of the human experience. Throughout our lives, we surround ourselves with different people and generate different types of relationships and bonds with them, differentiated in most cases by the intensity they have and their impact on our daily and everyday life.

Thus, social skills are presented as very useful resources to deal with these types of situations related to human contact, making it more or less easy to adhere to them. When we have difficulty developing our social skills, we are likely to find it difficult to make and maintain long-term friendships at the same time. Living in a society like ours without friends makes the human experience an even more hostile and complicated territory.

Throughout this article, we will seek to answer this main question; Why do I have a hard time making friends? ANDWe will explore the different situations and causes that make it more difficult for us to make and maintain friendly relationships, and how we can develop our social skills to, little by little, learn to surround ourselves and cultivate good and meaningful friendships.

What happens when we find it difficult to make friends?

Feeling that it is difficult for us to make friends can generate long-term insecurities and, in turn, feed back into this difficulty in relating. Throughout our lives, building healthy friendly relationships is presented as one of the main strategies and ways to generate social support. Social support has been defined as the set of help and assistance provided to us by the people we surround ourselves with; among which are friends.

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Social support is considered a protective factor for most psychological and emotional disorders. When we experience a difficulty or problem, having the possibility of turning to our friends makes it easier for us to talk about the situation, thus being able to prepare it in a simpler way and overcome its impact. Having friends will not solve all your problems, but it will make them easier to navigate and their negative impact will be reduced.

When we find it difficult to make friends, we can see our social support reduced, which can degenerate into feelings of loneliness and isolation. Furthermore, since the ability to make friends is highly valued socially, when we find it difficult to do so we can feel very differentiated from the rest of society, thus also increasing the feeling of loneliness and difference. Definitely, When it is difficult for us to make friends we can feel more alone and lack company, which is essential for life in society and navigating the complex world that surrounds us.

it's hard for me to make friends

Causes of difficulty making friends

As we have been commenting, making friends is a fundamental skill and social capacity for emotional well-being, social integration and improvement and support during day-to-day life. For many people, this task can be very challenging due to a variety of factors. Seeking to answer the main question of this article, we are going to explore some causes that allow us to better understand why some people experience more difficulty establishing meaningful connections than others.

1. Shyness and social anxiety

Shyness is a common factor that can hinder a person’s ability to make friends. Feeling nervous or anxious in social situations can make it difficult to start conversations or participate in group activities. Social anxiety, a more severe disorder, can cause an intense fear of judgment or criticism from others, making social interaction even more difficult.

2. Lack of social skills

Some people may lack the social skills necessary to initiate and maintain friendly relationships. This may include difficulties interpreting social cues, expressing emotions appropriately, or participating in conversations effectively. Lack of practice in these skills can lead to discomfort in social situations and ultimately make it difficult to form friendships.

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3. Negative past experiences

Previous experiences of rejection, bullying, or emotional trauma can leave emotional scars that interfere with a person’s willingness to trust others and establish friendly relationships. Fear of rejection can lead to avoiding social situations or being on guard when interacting with new people, making it difficult to create authentic bonds.

4. Individual differences and personal preferences

Each person has their own preferences regarding the number and type of friends they want to have. Some people are naturally more introverted and prefer more intimate and close relationships, while others are more extroverted and seek a wide network of acquaintances. These individual differences can influence a person’s willingness to make friends and the way they relate to others.


Impact on social and emotional life

The ability to make friends and maintain strong social relationships not only influences our daily lives, but also has a profound impact on our emotional well-being and mental health. Those who experience difficulties making friends may face a number of challenges that affect their social and emotional lives in various ways.

1. Feeling of loneliness

The lack of meaningful connections can lead to a persistent feeling of loneliness. Although a person may be surrounded by people, the absence of close friends with whom to share interests, concerns, and experiences can generate a feeling of emotional isolation.

2. Lack of emotional support

Friends play a crucial role as sources of emotional support in times of difficulty. Those who struggle to make friends may lack this type of support, which can cause them to face emotional challenges and stressful situations without the necessary support.

3. Impact on self-esteem

The inability to make friends can negatively affect self-esteem and self-confidence. People may begin to question their self-worth and feel inadequate or undesirable because of their difficulty connecting with others.

4. Risk of depression and anxiety

Chronic loneliness and a lack of social connections can increase the risk of developing mood disorders, such as depression and anxiety. Social isolation can fuel negative thoughts and increase feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

5. Impact on quality of life

Ultimately, difficulty making friends can affect a person’s overall quality of life. The absence of satisfying social relationships can limit opportunities for personal growth, enjoyment of social activities, and sense of belonging to a community.

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Strategies to improve social skills

Although difficulty making friends can present significant challenges, there are several effective strategies that can help improve social skills and facilitate the creation of meaningful connections with others. By practicing these strategies consistently, it is possible to overcome the barriers that prevent the establishment of strong friendships. Here are some practical suggestions:

1. Get out of your comfort zone

Often, the first step to making friends is overcoming the fear of rejection and getting out of your comfort zone. This involves actively challenging social situations that make you uncomfortable and being willing to take risks when meeting new people.

2. Develop your communication skills

Improving your verbal and non-verbal communication skills is essential to establishing meaningful connections. Practice eye contact, active listening, and clearly expressing your thoughts and feelings to facilitate effective communication with others.

3. Look for opportunities to connect

Participate in social activities that interest you and that give you the opportunity to meet new people. This could include joining groups or clubs related to your hobbies, attending community events, or volunteering.

4. Be authentic and genuine

Instead of trying to impress others or acting in a way that is inauthentic, focus on being yourself. Authenticity and sincerity are attractive qualities that can help establish genuine connections with others.

5. Practice empathy

Cultivating empathy towards others is essential to building strong relationships. Strive to understand the thoughts, feelings, and perspectives of others, and show genuine interest in their lives and experiences.

6. Maintain a positive attitude

Although it can be challenging, maintaining a positive and optimistic attitude is key to overcoming difficulties in making friends. Keep an open mind, be patient with yourself, and celebrate small successes on the path to improving your social skills.


In conclusion, difficulty making friends can have a significant impact on a person’s social and emotional life, but it is not an insurmountable barrier. By recognizing the underlying causes, we can implement effective strategies to improve our social skills and establish meaningful connections with others. It is essential to get out of our comfort zone, develop communication skills, look for opportunities to connect and maintain a positive attitude. With determination and practice, we can overcome difficulties and cultivate satisfying relationships.