Why Doesn’t He Want To Be With Me But Says He Loves Me?
Among the most frequent complaints among those who go to therapy for emotional problems, there is one that is based on a contradiction: “He doesn’t want to be with me but he says he loves me”
It is a relatively common problem that goes beyond being a simple communication failure, and involves the interests of both the person who says “I love you” in the first place and the one who suffers the consequences of this inconsistency.
In this article we will see what are the most frequent causes of a person directly expressing their love for another and at the same time not wanting to form a couple, start a dating relationship or anything similar. Besides, We will review several recommendations and advice about what to do
He doesn’t want to be with me but he says he loves me: why does that happen?
In the world of personal relationships, contradictions are normal Misunderstandings are extremely common, and in addition, we often fall into deceptions that in turn are raised almost involuntarily.
If we focus on romantic relationships, these inconsistencies not only generate discomfort ; Furthermore, they are capable of generating dramatic situations.
In fact, they can cause frustration due to lack of love, a feeling in which there is an unresolved tension that makes us suffer for not being able to be with that person and at the same time makes it easier for us to become obsessed with the possibility of starting a romantic relationship. since apparently there are some possibilities of getting it.
This combination between the refusal to be a couple and the hope that in the future the other person does want to have something with us generates an ambivalence capable of generating a lot of insecurities, anxiety and discomfort in general, since it leads us to wonder what is wrong. .
Let’s now see why it can happen that someone says they love you but at the same time He refuses to be with you and does not want to establish a strong emotional bond
1. He doesn’t want you to take it the wrong way.
Another reason why someone may claim to love others is that they do not know how to reject offers because of the fear of hurting other people’s feelings.
In these cases, a “I love you but I don’t want to be with you” It is a way of not cutting short the hopes of the other insinuating that what there really is is a diffuse love that does not have to materialize at the beginning of a romantic or romantic love relationship.
2. He wants to dominate you
When someone tells another person that they love them but do not want to be their partner or commit to them in any meaningful way, they may do so thinking of dominating the other person by letting them know that there is a possibility of seducing them even though there is nothing beyond That “I love you” indicates that there are reasons for hope.
As a result, just two words are capable of making someone predisposed to offer special help and protection to another, by giving him room to fantasize about the idea of ​​being together
This intention does not always exist, but in some cases it can be the main reason why this is done, so we can speak of someone knowing that there is no truth in those words.
It may be that in certain circumstances the other person could be interested in going out with you. Personal circumstances unrelated to your friendship relationship They can prevent you from seeing yourself ready to have a serious partner.
4. He has a very open definition of love
We must not forget that by love not everyone understands the concept of romantic love, which is the most common in couple relationships, both in courtship and in marriage.
When someone tells you that they love you but don’t want to be with you, they are actually saying that how they feel about you does not fit with what is usually considered a couple whose bond is romantic love a type of love union that has its advantages but also its disadvantages.
What to do when a person says they love you but doesn’t want to be with you
In these cases, the best thing to do is first find out if the person is playing with our feelings or not, and once this is done, follow one course of action or another. Let’s see it.
1. Know if he plays with your feelings or not
The first thing to do is stop to observe if the other person really cares about us or is only interested in submitting to you. manipulating your emotions
To do this, stop and try to analyze what is happening from a detached and objective perspective: does he care about you? Is he interested in getting to know you and remembering information about you and your life? In general, these questions should already be able to provide an answer, because someone who does not have feelings for someone does not bother to pay attention to those details and remember them.
In case you clearly see that he is playing with you you now have the solution: cut off your relationship with that person, because they are trying to create a toxic relationship based on emotional dependency.
If what happens is not that and there are reasons to think that you are a significant person for her or that at least she is not clear about her feelings towards you, keep reading.
2. Talk it out to clarify what your feelings are.
Communication is greatly undervalued in this type of problem, but really through dialogue a situation as uncomfortable as this can be completely resolved.
Together, try to name what happens Talk about your expectations of each other, about how you would like your relationship to be and how you would not like it to be. It is not mandatory to be compatible in this; It’s just about talking about it to find out what’s happening, and you have to do it without prejudging the other person and without making them feel guilty for what they feel.
3. Decide if you are satisfied, and if you are not, move on with your life
Once you have all the relevant information about what the person you like feels and to what degree their intentions fit with yours, make a decision And unless something comes up that gives you significant reasons to change your mind, be consistent with it.
Conclusion: end uncertainty and tension
As we have seen, the most important thing is to resolve the unknown about what the other person wants, see if that is compatible with what you want and choose to continue investing in that relationship, or it is better to cut it off.
When someone complains with statements like “he says he loves me but he doesn’t want to be with you,” what it really reveals is the frustration caused by the ambiguity in what the other person says and the tension generated by not knowing what to do. By eliminating this uncertainty, practically everything will be solved over time; also the possible heartbreak.
