Being an ‘amateur’ or a ‘lover’ in Love

The heart on fire and the thoughts blurred. Insomnia. Sometimes, it is difficult for us to put our own state into words.

A few do not love the other so much, but love the act of loving Thus, the person you love does not matter much and can be changed, the lover can “flirt”, because, ultimately, he does not love anyone but himself, he loves only the fact of “being in love.”

The search for similarity in love

When you find your “soul mate,” you meet another person because they are similar; They have the same tastes, the same rejections, they like the same places, the same series, movies and the same music. It’s about the attraction to what I look like

But all this is also bad for love, because to love another person just because they are like me, would be to be in a very primitive and narcissistic relationship. Instead of leaning toward the other person, we lean toward ourselves. I would be loving myself this way twice, in the other person, and in myself. It is a love that only revolves around itself. There is no delivery.

The attraction of opposites

There is also the “opposites attract”, which It is usually expressed with the phrase “we complement each other very well.”

This can become a false form of love, because I look for in others what I lack, because I am incomplete and need to transform myself into a complete unit. A perfect person, who lacks nothing. Ultimately, here too, one loves oneself.

Common mistakes

The positive aspects of a person, such as their physique, their talents and gifts, their economic and/or social status, should not be the cause of a loving feeling. The person should be loved for who he is and not for what he has. Loving someone for who they are generates admiration and adoration. Amateurs choose parts of the person, true lovers choose the whole person.

Friendship can withstand the distance of time and space, two friends who stop seeing each other for a while, meet again and resume the conversation right there, where they had left it some time ago. Love, on the other hand, finds it difficult to endure distance and physical absence Hugs, pampering, caresses, orgasms, are needs of the body.

Love can lead us to encounters without dialogue, or, on the contrary, to living together and believing that we are one. In the first case, love breaks and suffers, and in the second, there is no longer a person who loves, nor a person who is loved.

There is no one who is “made” for the other.

It is in the space of endless absence where a loving encounter occurs. It occurs in a miraculous way. We consider lucky those who experience this encounter that occurs, purely by chance.

The loving instinct leads us to wrap our bodies. On the other hand, pure love, outside of sexuality, love for what the person is, is a greater love. After pure love, we would already be talking about a mystical infatuation, which would border on madness.

Love is related to desire, because, like this, it never ends There’s never anything that really turns it off.

Love outward and love inward

Loving everyone is the best way to love yourself, and ultimately, to love no one. If one thinks of his own good before that of the other, then it is not love. The lover gives and does not expect to receive. Too much self-love hinders the possibility of loving another. There is no room for the other He would then be an amateur who takes refuge in his power, in his pleasure and enjoys his solitude, treasures it like gold. He prefers to endure his own pressure alone before agreeing to anything with the other.

To be a lover, you have to put aside arrogance, self-sufficiency, and your own interests. The lover makes the other shine, takes away his fears, gives him strength, makes him more desirable, emphasizes his intelligence, believes in his abilities and encourages him. He is also nervous, tempestuous, insecure, goes through shouting, back and forth, and reconciliations, negotiates constantly, calms down, and explodes again. A lover loves everything in the other.