There are certain myths about childhood according to which what happens to us during the first years of life determines who we will be in our adulthood. For example, many people believe that the personality of parents “sticks” to their sons and daughters because of living together, but the data show that this does not happen.
However, it is true that in childhood there are experiences that leave a deep mark on people. Verbal abuse in childhood is one of those phenomena which, if repeated systematically for several weeks or months, can leave a deep mark on our identity.
But… how does this process occur by which some words change us? Next we will see what is the logic behind all this.
Verbal abuse during childhood: why it leaves its mark
There are many types of violence beyond physical violence. In part, attacks have a psychological component that should not be overlooked. However, sometimes we forget that in the same way that any act of direct violence is an attack on the dignity of the victim, the same goes for insults and expressions of contempt.
If verbal aggression is used it is precisely because it has an effect that goes beyond transmitting ideas It has an emotional impact. And the emotional impact that verbal abuse has on boys and girls is articulated through two different processes. Let’s see them.
Prioritizing the negative
As victims, we are especially sensitive to stimuli that can be interpreted as an attack. In general, we give more importance to the negative aspects of life than the positive ones. For example, it has been seen that after a verbal attack has been made, the use of compliments made afterwards does not serve to reverse the negative effects of the attack.
The above makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. Since our survival comes first, our nervous system prioritizes information related to danger signs , or signs of a possible situation in which we are at a disadvantage. For this reason, it has been proven that insults have a much greater psychological impact than praise or compliments.
Likewise, our memory also more diligently stores information related to unpleasant or negative experiences. This allows us to take these facts into account so as not to repeat them and to look for signs of danger in the present based on these data.
Verbal abuse is so simple and so easy to carry out that once it has started to be used it is very easy to repeat it. This means that the boys and girls who are victims of it have, as first-hand information stored in your memory many memories related to insults and similar elements.
The formation of identity
Childhood is a turbulent time, although it may not seem like it. The brain undergoes a large number of changes in a short time, but There are also psychological changes, not only in the neurobiological layer
In the first years of life, self-image is formed, the concept of oneself that will influence the way in which we create expectations about our abilities, personality and possible life achievements.
When verbal abuse occurs, as we have seen, much of the information about oneself that one has at hand is emotionally linked to unpleasant, stressful or even fearful moments. It is not only that when we think about ourselves we think about the content of those insults, but also that the discomfort we experience in those moments is evoked by memory, we experience it a second time (although normally in a somewhat less intense way).
To put it in some way, Childhood is that stage of life in which our ideas are most sensitive to the influence of the environment, and that is why something as disruptive and violent as verbal abuse penetrates deeply into our thoughts and, once it has affected self-concept, it is very easy for that influence to be maintained and have repercussions on self-esteem.
Thus, any sign that oneself may be someone undesirable is magnified and can become obsessive to the child, and something similar can happen when they reach adulthood.
Concluding
We should give more importance to experiences that, despite not involving physical violence, compromise the self-esteem and self-concept of young people. The brain is very sensitive to changes during the first stage of life and that is why verbal abuse compromises your functioning when thinking about yourself.
