Arguments as a couple do not have to be harmful, as long as we know how to handle them appropriately and express our feelings in a natural and constructive way. Since this is not always an easy task, throughout this article we will see 12 keys that will help us manage couple arguments in the most satisfactory way possible for both.
When we fall in love and we are also lucky enough to be reciprocated, our mind immerses itself in a state of well-being and absolute happiness that can hardly be clouded by other external factors.
At the beginning of relationships, any external concern becomes light and fleeting, since the feeling of well-being produced by falling in love works as a counterweight to all those headaches.
But unfortunately, the phase of falling in love does not last a lifetime, and as time passes the romantic euphoria diminishes. As a consequence, any event, both outside the relationship and typical of it, can be a stressor that ends up affecting our intimate relationship.
The conflicts inherent to cohabitation and relationships, financial problems and even work ups and downs are likely to end in a couple’s argument that we cannot always (or know how to) handle. However, arguments as a couple are not only inevitable, but they are also absolutely necessary if we know how to manage them correctly.
Contrary to what many think, arguing from time to time as a couple is something common and normal. And as long as they are not excessively frequent discussions, nor violent ones, the appearance of discrepancies is natural when two people share any area of their lives in a very intense way.
It is necessary to clarify that, when we talk about arguing, we are referring to a debate, an exchange of opinions that in no case includes lack of respect, aggression or violence. In a couple that never argues, it is very likely that one of the two is repressing their ideas or opinions either due to fear of creating conflicts and not knowing how to solve them correctly, or due to pressure from the other person.
In any case, this situation is impossible to maintain over time without, one day, one of the two parties no longer being able to hold out. In this way, any small conflict, which could have been resolved in time and without further consequences, is magnified and accompanied by other conflicts that have been contained.
12 tips to manage arguments as a couple
In order to solve problems it is necessary to address them, even if this means being forced to have a discussion, sometimes uncomfortable, with our partner. With the intention of facilitating this moment, we will review a list of techniques or tips to manage a couple’s argument satisfactorily. With these suggestions we will not avoid the discussion, but we will avoid the errors that we all tend to make and that cause great discomfort.
These are the guidelines for carrying out a discussion in an orderly manner, trying not to let our feelings take over us and ending it in the most successful way possible.
1. Know how to identify and express our own emotions
Our reactions and responses in an argument are not the same if it is motivated by anger, or if it is motivated by sadness or frustration. Being able to identify what we feel and what its cause is is essential to know how to manage it and find a solution to the problem that generates this negative feeling.
2. Recognize if there is a real underlying reason
In many of the couple’s arguments that are carried out in a heated manner over a specific problem, such as doing some household chore, they are a symptom that there is a larger underlying conflict.
This real discord or controversy fuels small problems. Therefore it is necessary to know What is the real origin of our anger? ; in order to solve it at the root and avoid intense disputes due to unimportant conflicts.
As mentioned at the beginning of the article, it is necessary to assimilate that avoiding dialogue with the intention of avoiding a possible fight; as well as ignoring the conflict situation or always agreeing with the couple only They are avoidance techniques that feed more and more frustration
This will only help us accumulate negative feelings that will eventually come out, sooner or later. The crux of the matter is to dialogue and exchange opinions in the calmest way possible and thus achieve a constructive and calm conversation.
4. Formulate positive responses and from the person themselves
There are many different ways of saying things and in discussions We tend to use an accusatory tone that is never helpful nor conciliatory.
Even though we are convinced that we are right, changing the tone and accusatory expressions for others formulated in the first person and positively, expressing our emotions will help us so that the other person is able to put themselves in our place.
5. Never be disrespectful
This is perhaps one of the most difficult points. couple’s arguments They usually have a much more intense emotional component so at certain times we can be tempted to let ourselves get carried away by anger, saying things we don’t really mean and even disrespecting our partner.
We should never downplay the value of our words, since an argument in which anger drives our expressions can cause damage, both to the other person and to the couple, often irreparable.
In the same way, the use of reproaches or recriminations towards the other person, they will never favor the development of a satisfactory dialogue.
6. Know how to choose the right moment
In most cases it is more advisable to postpone a discussion than to carry it out in an environment or place that is not appropriate. We must find a moment of intimacy in which both people feel comfortable to express their feelings openly, and without other people being present.
Likewise, it is essential to have enough time to talk. Rushing is never convenient in an argument, since it is most likely that one of the two will end up abruptly cutting it off and then it will be much more difficult to resume it.
Making decisions “in the heat” and motivated by our feelings is never a good idea. When we let these negative emotions make decisions for us, we can end up making decisions that we really don’t want and that we will later have to redeem or regret.
Therefore, it is better to end the discussion and reflect, once tempers have calmed down, If you have to make any type of decision regarding the relationship or couple dynamics it means.
8. Forget about pride
Just as it is necessary to recognize our emotions, it is also necessary to accept that we are not always right. If we are the ones who have made a mistake, we must swallow our pride and apologize. Surely later we will feel relieved and our partner will appreciate our effort.
9. Don’t bring up past problems
A very common mistake in couple arguments is bringing up past problems. It is essential to focus on the current topic or situation, leaving past conflicts where they are, or if they generate a lot of concern in the person, leave them for another time, since this It will only reinforce the current tension
10. Take a “time out”
At times when we see that the discussion is becoming too intense, the best decision is to take a “time-out” in which both temporarily step away from the discussion. This small provisional distance will favor the development of another perspective of the problem and will relax your spirits
11. Know when to stop
Knowing when the discussion is not evolving and has become stagnant is essential so that you are not constantly repeating the same discussion patterns. At this point it is best to stop for a moment, a “time out” can be useful, and propose possible alternatives to the discussion or situation that is being held.
12. Resolve conflicts
After a discussion it is necessary be able to reach an agreed agreement with possible solutions for the problematic situation. There is no point in arguing for hours without reaching any conclusion, since it is also very possible that the conflict will reappear.
Therefore, achieving a satisfactory deal for both is one of the goals to set in a couple’s discussion.
