Sometimes, starting to date someone and starting to live an “official” relationship costs less than creating shared intimacy between lovers. And it is one thing for two people to consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and another to achieve a degree of true intimate connection.
For example, it is very easy to go to the movies together, spend quality time talking, or fit in well with each other’s family and friends, but opening up in an honest way and even connecting physically through caresses and non-verbal language can sometimes come to cost.
Below we will review some keys to ensuring that couple relationships develop a high degree of intimacy and emotional connection.
Increase the degree of intimacy in romantic relationships
To remove possible barriers that create an unnecessary separation between lovers, it is essential to create an intense intimate connection between both.
1. Review the imperfections you know about your partner
Love exists because we know how to appreciate the unique and unrepeatable of the other, their mortality and their vulnerability. It may seem strange, but building intimacy within a relationship is based, among other things, on recognizing the imperfections of oneself and the person one loves.
Being aware at all times of the human and limited character of the members of the couple means that the good actions carried out by the other person are not viewed with suspicion, as if it were a strategy with instrumental purposes, just as a robot that follows instructions programmed to fulfill its function. On the other hand, by keeping in mind that expressions of affection and affection are genuine and born from the need to be in the company of the other, they allow them to be received by lowering their defenses.
There are people who have been so exposed to cruelty and betrayal that they find it difficult to trust even their partners, so that the degree of intimacy in the relationship is damaged. For example, certain caresses can generate more anxiety than pleasure, because they are performed in delicate areas (belly, neck, etc.).
In these cases, the best thing is to “force” yourself to trust the loved one, and think that you really what generates anxiety is not her, but the attempts to cross a certain threshold of intimacy, something that at some point in the past brought us bad results and left an emotional mark on our own mind. It is very useful to start by exposing ourselves to lighter forms of intimacy, and gradually progress from there.
So, leaving space for the other person to take the initiative and show that nothing is wrong is an excellent way for our body to get used to not activating the state of alert every time we expose our vulnerabilities.
3. Learn to give support and not practical advice when necessary
As emotional contexts, couple relationships are based more on affection than on giving advice and exchanging practical information about how things work. Ultimately, the latter can be achieved through many means, but the company of the couple is unique, and offers the possibility of connecting at such a deep level that it goes beyond the simple “transmission of data.”
That is why, to generate intimacy in love relationships, we must be clear that emotional support is the best we can give and that, for this, it is more useful to listen and empathize than to limit ourselves to transforming what we hear into indications and instructions about how the other person should live life.
In the end, most of the concerns and problems that are talked about in the intimate context of the relationship are not the result of a lack of information (in that case solving them would not be so difficult) but of more related aspects. with one’s own fears, situations that generate anxiety, etc.
4. Promotes the appearance of those conversations
Through words it is also possible to build intimacy. Of course, at first it is better not to do it abruptly and very directly.
You can start by telling a very personal story about your past so that your partner gets deeper into that story and the narration begins to remind you of certain experiences in your life In this way, by starting with a story that resonates emotionally with both parties in the relationship, it is easier to start a spontaneous conversation about one’s own and intimate experiences, which normally do not come to light.
5. Do not judge or trivialize
It may seem very obvious, but in practice some people tend to use sarcasm and acid humor as a mechanism to trivialize stories about personal experiences and, thus, interrupt that conversation and change the subject (to start talking about something more comfortable and less compromising). Avoid this and, when you notice that the next thing you are going to say is along these lines, give yourself a warning. Prevent these types of strategies Knowing them beforehand is a good way to make intimate conversations flow well.
