Given the emotional complexity of human beings, it is often difficult to discern what type of interpersonal relationships enhance one’s own well-being or lead to harmful consequences. Thus, analogous to any individual psychological process, in the relationships maintained with the people around them When evaluating these interactions, emotional aspects come together with other more rational ones.
These evaluations, reflections or judgments issued on the experiences that we share with other individuals are fundamental because they guide our own social behavior, which is why it seems decisive that both factors (the emotional and the rational) are certainly balanced, without one of them. they can dominate the other. This can be especially complicated in the face of some of the so-called toxic personal functioning profiles, Personality forms that generate discomfort very easily Let’s see below what aspects characterize them and how we can identify them.
Personal profiles that cause psychological discomfort
Since Stamateas published the work “Toxic People” almost a decade ago, as well as other subsequent works with similar themes, this term has become significantly popular.
According to the author, toxic people are those who present a high volume of negative emotional charges, very diverse frustrations and a tendency to issue destructive criticism in the form of personal attacks towards the people around them. This pernicious functional style is capable of adversely influencing the latter since can cause the appearance of insecurities or emotional weaknesses restlessness and significant psychological discomfort.
For this reason, it seems essential to learn to psychologically distance oneself from this type of group, in order to preserve one’s own emotional well-being.
1. The critical profile
This type of individuals are characterized by presenting a profile tending to perform constant recriminations to exert control over the other person Through functioning based on other people’s criticism along with an absence of self-critical capacity, they tend to consider themselves perfect beings that generate doubts and insecurities in those around them. They usually resort to confrontation and offense to make others feel inferior. This reflects an intense feeling of inner anger whose channeling is carried out in this very pernicious way.
This psychological style is associated with impulsive and irrational cognitive functioning, so when dealing with them, oppositional confrontation issued without prior reflection is not very effective In this way, all of this can lead to the person receiving criticism ending up developing the same aggressive functioning that the first person presents. Instead, both resorting to the use of a sense of humor, subtle irony or clever responses that throw off the critical interlocutor seem to give better results. Also, following the principles of assertive behavior, a thoughtful, firm and rational questioning of the messages that said person is trying to transmit to their “victim” can help to maintain a certain distance between both parties.
A variant within this same group is identified with the “envious type profile.” In the same way as the critical style, it is focused on making disparaging judgments about the achievements of others instead of focusing on achieving one’s own goals. They usually give greater importance to material issues as sources of happiness and well-being and, in many cases, hide personalities with low self-esteem and high insecurities.
2. The expert in blaming
Few aspects distance human beings from fulfilling their vital objectives and goals more than the feeling of guilt. This emotion becomes the main method to emotionally block and paralyze one’s own self-worth and motivation to achieve one’s own projects.
Guilt, unfortunately, plays a significant role in our psyche, which makes overcoming it more complex: it is an efficient defense mechanism that serves as an explanation when a goal is not achieved due to a lack of effort or investment of energy in it. Thus, it seems more comfortable to either blame other factors (or people) other than oneself or self-blame about the causes that have led to the proposed “non-success” can also be an easy resource.
One aspect that should be taken into account is that of Do not make the mistake of equating the concept of “non-success” with that of failure In this sense, people who present a profile that tends to blame are governed by an irrationally rigid, inflexible and absolutist functioning. Thus, for them, not having fully met their previous expectations can be understood as a failure, rather than a partial success. Therefore, a very relevant point to analyze in this psychological attitudinal style seems to be related to the type of expectations that the individual himself has. These should be realistic rather than overly self-demanding; This is one of the central elements that can activate the alarm to determine if the person in front of you presents this maladaptive behavioral style.
3. The psychopathic manipulator
Given their inability to live in society in an adaptive way, these subjects act out of their own interest and They understand other people as mere instruments to achieve their own goals This toxic profile in its most extreme expression, psychopathy, violates the rights of others and commits criminal acts without any remorse. Even so, there are different degrees in the intensity of the characteristics that this type of individuals present, so, avoiding the false belief that the psychopathic profile should be associated with that of a serial killer, this type of people can be found in the social environment more frequently than expected.
The handlers seem incapable of possessing the ability to understand and empathize with the rest. They present an immature, irresponsible and egocentric functioning whereby they feel easily offended by the actions of other people and respond to it in an impulsive and angry way, without hesitating to deceive others to achieve what they propose. Externally, they show a profile of excess confidence and self-love, devaluing others and showing themselves incapable of accepting their own mistakes or carrying out any act of self-criticism. Faced with this group of people, the most effective coping option is physical and emotional distancing, since they have a great capacity for superficial charm and talkativeness with which they usually manage to convince their “victims.”
4. The complainer-conformist
Its most central feature is fear of change and a low tolerance for uncertainty Therefore, their philosophy of life tends to be oriented towards monotony, routine and lacks aspirations and dreams to fulfill. The latter leads them to adopt passive behavior in which they do not get involved or invest enough effort to achieve what truly satisfies them.
Their style of reasoning is closely associated with “the short term”, immediate reward and comfort. Thus, everything that involves new alternative approaches (more emotionally costly or simply different) is valued as dangerous or unaffordable.
The result of all this is to regularly achieve the same mediocre results and resort to constant complaining about not having achieved the goal they truly desire. In this case there is also an absence of self-responsibility when setting vital goals and an excess of blaming other factors external to the person themselves as causing the outcome of their actions and decisions.
5. The neurotic style
This type of personality tends to suffer a significant intensity and frequency of anxiety symptoms derived from constant worries that are generated by all kinds of everyday issues. In turn, their irrational and distorted belief system firmly believes in the need to be loved and accepted by everyone else, without exception. For this reason, they require the permanent obtaining of recognition from others and usually set unrealistic and perfectionist goals that are impossible to achieve.
They also use the expert methodology of blaming when they do not obtain what they want, greatly increasing their insecurities, their cognitive rigidity by issuing extreme reasoning and their general inhibition when it comes to actively coping with adversities. The latter also serves as reinforced behavior since the expression of complaint and passivity in the face of circumstances allows them to receive the attention of the people around them, adopting a victim role.
When faced with a person of this style, it is necessary to assertively set some limits in order to interrupt the vicious cycle of unhealthy worries that they continually transmit to others, as well as the desire for control and obtaining their exclusive attention.
In conclusion
From the above it seems to be noted that there are various ingredients that contribute at an emotional level to achieving one’s own emotional well-being. It has been observed that Self-satisfaction is a right that must be worked on individually through self-responsibility for goals, the assumption of how adaptive it is to make mistakes as a necessary process in personal growth and a discourse based on self-confidence and the rationality of personal approaches.
It is recommended to combine everything said above with an actively accepting style, where instead of trying to change others, the diversity of opinions and ways of acting is assumed as natural. This principle serves as a reference in the field of interpersonal decisions and behaviors, although it is true that it can be complex to establish a clear differentiation between said premise, accepting the diversity of criteria, and relativism, whose recent rise is clouding the distinction between what can be objective from that which is merely subjective.