Conflict Resolution: Crises Or Hidden Opportunities?
When we talk about conflicts, we may be referring to countless everyday situations in which the interests of one party collide head-on with those of the other. That is the great certainty of conflict, that is, that there are two or more parties involved who approach a certain situation from different perspectives. Here is the problem.
Why is approaching a conflict from different perspectives a problem in itself? Regarding this question, I think the answer may be more or less obvious. We will hardly reach points of agreement if we do not go in the same direction. This is the key to conflict resolution
If we stop to think, we could give examples of all kinds. The student is angry with his classmates because they do not get involved in the assigned tasks, at the same level of demand. The master or housewife, feeling the fatigue of picking up again and again the disasters that his family members make. The boy who is disappointed in his friends because he expected them to do for him at least what he would be willing to do for them. The football school coaches who think differently about how to run the school. The children of that retired couple who urge them to enjoy their existence more, even doing things that they themselves do not long for. Or the couple who can’t agree on the name they will give to their future child. The young architect, who maintains a fierce dispute with herself regarding her capabilities, skills and/or worth. In short, conflicts, conflicts and more conflicts.
We could determine different levels or gradients of subjective importance around this type of conflict, because When we fall into conflict, its dimension can cloud our perception, since other types of underlying factors come into play. The main ones are what we will see below.
1. The search for truth
One of the most common, perhaps, is the conflict that occurs in terms of the possession of the truth, assuming that the position opposite to ours is, by contrast, a lie. I remember a photo of a dress that became very popular, in which I know it perfectly illustrated this conflict. Faced with it, there were those who perceived the dress as a certain color, compared to others who perceived it as another, paradoxically all of them being right. And in real life it is no different. There are few certainties that can settle the aforementioned debate, fundamentally those related to the field of exact sciences or verified facts, but normally we move, in general terms, much more in the field of interpretations
2. Empathy
Another version of this shortlist would be the classic “I’m right vs. you are not right”, which shows a great lack of empathy, especially when we hear it in a cafeteria in relation to the skills of a Portuguese or an Argentinian, of one team or another or with respect to a certain political position. When we express ourselves from opinions, preferences and personal tastes or prejudices (providing it with less rigor if possible), it is an effort that is too sterile for the possible reward.
We find another prototypical conflict in the causal attribution of blame that occurs when errors or accidents are committed. Normally, we express ourselves in terms of self vs. you/others, as a way to exempt ourselves from the discomfort that being guilty would generate But the more time we spend identifying the culprits, the less time we have to fix the error.
4. Self-confidence
The last of the common conflicts that we will analyze here is the classic conflict of trust, in which we express thoughts, in the form of beliefs that predispose us to consider whether “I am or am not” capable, or in another of its variants, of whether “I can or cannot” change or face a certain situation. Once again, as if it were any other of the conflicts evaluated, we find ourselves faced with the vain paralyzing dynamic that keeps us in doubt, hindering our progress towards our objectives that we really long for.
To resolve any type of conflict, a series of aspects are essential:
First of all, knowing how to identify the common objective that can achieve the unification of positions In the case of couples that divorce and have children, it could be identifying their well-being as the common good of both.
Secondly, it is essential to adopt a favorable predisposition for the assumption of improvement commitments by the parties, that is, to stop looking for culprits to analyze and assume the responsibilities of each one that contributes to overcoming the conflict.
From the identification of general objectives and the assumption of responsibilities, we will be available to build the necessary bridges or integrative solution proposals, more than in a position to demolish the arguments or positions of the opposing party, because we will have identified ourselves as two parts of the same thing, the conflict. Solving it will then be the main objective.
A conflict is hardly resolved if one of the parties feels aggrieved, as they will save their resentment or discomfort for the future, possibly generating worse consequences. It is important to generate a feeling of mutual gain the “win to win” that English speakers say, to promote the commitment of the parties when it comes to solving the conflict.
If we are able to internalize these approaches, perhaps we will renounce the discomfort derived from traffic fights, empty discussions or internal debates, managing to generate coordinated efforts in the form of synergies between the different people responsible for the conflict.
If all of this offers us the possibility of getting closer to our objectives Will they be crises or will they be opportunities for improvement?
