Have you ever considered whether you are living the life you want to live? What is important to you in life? How do you want to be?
These are questions that we do not usually ask ourselves very often and that depend on how reflective we are. We let ourselves be carried away by the pace of life we lead, without realizing how we live and what is really important to us.
This personal reflection on the life we want to live It is essential to take the reins of our life and head in the direction we want
Since childhood, our parents transmit different messages to us that each of us internalizes. For example, “you have to be generous and share toys.” Thanks to these messages, We learn what actions are important and define us as a person
These acts that define what is really important to us are our values. They are our principles, they serve as a guide and motivation in life. They tell us how we want to be, how we want to relate to the world and what is really worth it for each of us.
Values are chosen life directions, our compass points, they determine where we want to go, where we want to direct our journey.
Since a direction is not something that has an end, that can be reached, a value is never exhausted, it never comes to an end That way, if one of my values is being a healthy person, I will always be able to do things in line with that value. Such as, for example, eating a balanced diet, exercising, having healthy habits, etc.
This never comes to an end, by exercising for a season you will not have achieved that value (you have been able to achieve a goal, for example running a marathon).
Steven Hayes, in his book Get out of your mind, get into your life, talks about values through the metaphor of the “bus of your life.” On this trip, you are the driver of that bus. Passengers will board (emotions, memories, thoughts, sensations…) who will try to boycott your trip, wanting to go in a direction opposite to your values. Sometimes we let ourselves be carried away by them leading a lifestyle or making decisions that do not make us feel good. But they are not the ones in control of the bus, It is you who decides in which direction you are going to go, where your life is going to go regardless of the passengers accompanying you on the trip.
A value is not a feeling, since a feeling can be had, but a value cannot be had as if it were an object. It is not in the future, it is not a result, nor a desire, nor a goal that must be reached.
Goals lead us in the direction of our values They are our road maps, the “visible” part of the values, that is, the elements, things, situations that can be achieved.
Setting goals and objectives helps us stay on track To do this, we would first identify and clarify our values, then we would set goals and objectives in accordance with the values and, finally, we would define the actions we have to carry out to achieve these goals.
As we have discussed, to live a meaningful life, we must act in accordance with our values. The problem comes when we do not know how to identify what those values are
Therefore, the first step will be to identify and clarify our values in the different areas of our life. This work in therapy can be carried out through the exercises below.
1. Attend your own funeral
Before starting, let me tell you that this is not a morbid exercise. The purpose of this exercise is to discover the way in which you would like to be remembered as this can give you information about what you value and is important to you.
Reflect first on what you fear they might say to you. Next, about what a loved one could tell you and what you would like them to say. What things would you like to hear? Sometimes, when they bury people, they write an epitaph. What phrase would you like your tombstone to have?
2. Imagine that you are 80 years old
To do this exercise You have to imagine that you are 80 years old and you look back to see your life as it is today Once this is done, finish the following sentences:
3. Ten valuable areas
It consists of discovering your values in the following areas: marriage/partnership/intimate relationships; children; family relationships (other than those of the nuclear family); friends/social relationships; career/employment; education/training/personal growth/development; leisure/fun, spirituality, citizenship; Health & Wellness.
When doing this exercise you can realize the areas that are really important to you and those that are not If there is any area where you don’t find any value, you can leave it blank. There are no good or bad answers, since there are no better or worse values.
It is convenient that each of us work on our values, on how we want to be, in what direction we want to take our lives
Thanks to this, we motivate ourselves towards change, we take action by establishing short and long-term objectives and goals that give us meaning, direction and make us feel comfortable with them and with ourselves because they are in line with our values.
If you would like us to accompany you in this process of clarifying and living in accordance with your values, do not hesitate to contact us.
