Emotional Management As A Starting Point For Personal Growth
Talking about emotions seems like a matter for preschool children, but in reality the lack of management in the expression of feelings is a huge problem that is continually seen in consultation. Conflicts arise in the reality of life and we cannot avoid them no matter how much we would like to, so we must choose to cover those things that are within our reach to offer others and ourselves healthy and enriching environments.
An important part of the problems in emotional management has to do precisely with how we were taught about our own emotions, the truth is that most of us were very good at learning to read symbols which means that, if I show you this image, you will know that it is a happy face, but perhaps they did not teach us in depth what we can do with that happiness, where to put it, where it comes from or why it is okay for us to express it in the way that best suits us…
As human beings we have the capacity to experience various emotions, some can overwhelm us and others confuse us, especially because we live in a world that is intolerant of pain, which makes us displace unpleasant emotions because according to us we prefer not to feel them… as if it were possible. I want us to talk about this example, because this is actually how I start a session with a patient who is having difficulty managing how they feel. I want to show you four basic emotions, because of the symbology of these you already have suspicions about what they are, they are joy, sadness, anger and fear.
Think about if as a child you had to learn to hide your joy because your parents told you that you laughed too hard or that you should control yourself a little more, perhaps it is not a memory that is so clear to you, but sometimes a single comment from someone is enough. of adults to oppress and lock up our emotions, in this way joy is nullified. Something similar happens with sadness, as seeing someone cry can be so uncomfortable for others, they prefer to say “don’t cry anymore”, “I don’t like seeing you like that”, and other comments like that, but the reality is that if that tear came to you is because he needed to get out, at that moment you needed to experience the crying that is natural in human beings to realize that there is something that is hurting you and you consider negative in your life. In any case, since people don’t like to see us sad, then we also cancel that emotion, we hide to cry or we tell everyone that we are fine when sometimes our life falls apart.
Let’s continue with the next emotion, anger…this emotion is one of the most complex because people do not know how to deal with it and confuse anger with aggression. We must recognize that in some cases this emotion can be experienced in different ways. very deep and intense with which the person can explode, harming those around him, however, the experience of being angry in itself is not harmful to anyone, in fact, the function that anger fulfills is To help you establish limits, when you get angry it is because your body sends a signal to the brain saying, hey, what is happening is not right, you should react. You can get angry if someone pushes you, yells at you, or puts your integrity at risk…so it is evolutionary and healthy that you can get angry depending on the situation that arises, obviously in theory, because in everyday life anger is very frowned upon. , so it’s another nullified emotion.
Let’s look at what happens with fear, I think there is a lot of impatience around this emotion, if you are standing in line to get on the highest roller coaster in the world and just before getting on you hesitate, the people behind may get irritated by your indecision. In general, human beings are afraid of what they don’t know, but when they see another person in a situation like this, they don’t seem to be able to understand it. The experience of fear is greatly invalidated just because it is measured from the point of view of others, so If you are afraid of birds and I am not, I can make comments like, what nonsense, they are small animals and also very cute…and yes, but for me, there we would also be invalidating this emotion.
So, as I said at the beginning of the article, You probably think that emotions are a topic only for children, but emotional management should be something that concerns us all Assertively managing emotions has to be essential in personal growth and with this I do not invite you to maintain a Zen state, on the contrary, I tell you that you can experience each and every one of your emotions by regulating them and increasing your intelligence. emotional.
In recent years, I have been very struck by the desire of some people to cancel out emotions, a continuous message is sent to control yourself, if you are sad, control yourself, if you are angry, and that has led me to suspect that behind that control yourself There is only a mental laziness on the part of that other to also help us manage what we are experiencing, this can be controversial because we are responsible for our emotional responses but we can also recognize that if there is a conducive environment, it could be easier to reach that balance emotional.
What can you do to improve on this topic? The first thing I suggest is that you give the experience a name, sometimes we feel certain ways, but we don’t know or we don’t want to accept that that emotion is present in us, admit that I’m angry just means that I have to accept the reason for my anger and that’s one of the parts that can cost people the most, you have to understand where that feeling comes from. Validating your anger, sadness, joy or fear will make you feel content and more secure, try it thoroughly and tell me how it goes.
The idea is that you mentally generate a speech similar to…”I am feeling sad because I feel that the relationship with my best friend is changing”, in this way you organize your thoughts and understand why you are experiencing these sensations, I talk about sensations because emotions They take part of our corporality, this means that each person feels the emotion in a certain part of the body. For example, when I am very nervous I feel that my hands are heavy, or if I feel angry I feel heat in my head. Dare to know and understand more about yourself, self-knowledge is rewarding and brings a lot of peace of mind to our lives.
How does emotional management contribute to your personal growth? Having an adequate flow of emotions generates calm, which in turn keeps the brain circuits functioning properly, substances are released that provide well-being and this of course positively impacts many aspects of your life, including self-esteem. When you feel that you have more control over yourself you feel safer, but I’m not talking about the rigid anticipatory control that makes you keep everything in a strict order, I’m talking about a feeling of certainty, that no matter what happens in the environment you will be able to to receive and manage it.
Emotional management provides enormous benefits in conflict resolution, for this reason you will also have healthier and more lasting interpersonal relationships, including family, work and emotional relationships in this sense. At this moment I think you are also ready to know what happens to you when you do not work on the recognition and expression of feelings, and that is that you can maintain conflictive relationships and develop mental disorders such as anxiety, because by leaving pending conversations, things in the air, dialogues that were never had, all of that accumulates until it eventually explodes.
I recommend that you give a name to what you feel and then find a way to express it, sometimes dialogue is not possible due to various situations, What you can do there is write it down, given that writing also promotes emotional regulation, it allows for a period of pause where what happened is reassessed and new solutions or perspectives are generated.
I want to say goodbye with this last comment, emotional management applies to both you and others, this means that it is very good to be understanding of yourself, but you must also develop those tools that allow you to empathize with others, being kind also activates circuits brains that generate calm. Put the tools described here into practice and you will surely feel better. Contact me for more information.
