How To Handle Loneliness Due To Not Having A Partner?
Some people experience unwanted loneliness by linking it to not having a partner. This causes them, in turn, to develop a dysfunctional way of relating to other people, either due to the constant search for a partner and/or the belief that others disapprove of their single status.
As we will see, this experience of suffering loneliness due to not having a partner is based on a mirage, but regardless of whether it corresponds more or less to reality, it is undeniable that there is an emotional discomfort against which measures must be taken. Therefore, in this article we will delve into this phenomenon and see some guidelines and advice that you can apply to your daily life to better manage your emotions and your personal relationships if you suffer from this problem.
What does loneliness consist of not having a partner?
The first thing to be clear about is that This form of loneliness does not arise from the fact of not having a partner, although when we suffer from it it seems that it does. In fact, it is perfectly possible to be happy without having a partner, among other things because we are not “designed” to be able to feel well-being and self-actualization only if we are in a romantic love relationship.
The myth of the better half is just that, a myth that is kept in operation generation after generation not because it indicates a truth about human nature, but because it reinforces a series of stereotypes and gender roles. The truth is that human beings generally need frequent human contact, the possibility of connecting emotionally with other people who remain in our lives, but These do not have to adopt the figure of “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”, “husband” or “wife”.
So… What is loneliness due to not having a partner? In reality, it is a type of unwanted loneliness that has not been well “diagnosed” by us. We assume that the problem is not having a partner, and that causes us to enter a vicious circle of loneliness, because we learn to relate to others through emotional dependence and managing the shame that “being alone” generates in us. Now, it is possible to get out of this circular dynamic.
Possible causes and triggers
What is it that leads some people to suffer this type of loneliness that they perceive in a distorted way? These are the main causes and triggers.
1. Social expectations related to heteronormativity
As I have mentioned, there are a series of prejudices, stereotypes and beliefs strongly rooted in culture that lead people to view those who do not have a partner in a bad light, something that feeds the fear of not having a partner and predisposes us to attribute unwanted loneliness to this fact.
Gender roles play a fundamental role here, so this cause tends to be especially important in the case of women, since there is more pressure so that they do not remain single from the second stage of their youth.
This is a more “micro” version of what we have seen in the previous point; In this case, the person feels pressure from the family to find a partner soon, something that It greatly affects their self-esteem and intensifies the feeling of not having anyone to act as emotional support.
3. Low self-esteem
Complexes with one’s own body and insecurity when valuing our social skills (for example, the ability to have fluid and fun conversations with people whom we still know little) are two of the main pillars of low self-esteem linked to loneliness due to not having a partner.
4. Fear of rejection
Even people who feel good about their own bodies and have well-developed social skills may feel a wall between them and the rest of the people due to the fear of experiencing rejection, something that, if very intense, means that they never dare to take the initiative when seducing, meeting interesting people, etc.
Tips to deal with loneliness due to not having a partner
These are some general tips that can help you overcome this form of loneliness, although the most effective measure is to go to psychotherapy.
1. Apply assertiveness to those who are pressuring you
As we have seen, many times there are people around us who, even without intending to or realizing it, make insecurities and needs grow in us that are not real. That’s why, The first step is to tell them that you are not happy with that situation.
You may be interested: “Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication”
2. Go deeper into the relationships you already have
Do not underestimate those links that you already have; breaks the inertia of always speaking the same and in the same contexts with those people and be interested in connecting with them.
3. Create new meaningful relationships by getting rid of the pressure to find a partner
Assuming that by meeting these people you are not being evaluated as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend will allow you to release tension and behave in a more genuine and spontaneous way, something that in turn helps make those conversations more pleasant and flow better.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness will help you relocate to the “here and now” by getting rid of intrusive thoughts and catastrophic predictions that lead you to self-sabotage and generate a state of constant anguish. It is a resource that It helps you not to evade your problems, but to see them through a new perspective free of old formulas that do not bring you anything constructive.
5. Develop a personal project that excites you and that entails loneliness
If you develop a hobby that gives you medium and long-term goals and poses a significant challenge for you, you will stop associating loneliness with the concept of “waste of time”; besides It will allow you to develop very valuable self-leadership skills to reinforce your self-esteem.
Related article: “Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection”
Are you looking for psychotherapy services?
If you are going through difficult times due to forms of emotional distress such as unwanted loneliness or low self-esteem, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Lorena Irribarra, I am a Certified Mindfulness Psychologist and Instructor, and I offer you both psychotherapy sessions and training programs in self-leadership, Mindfulness and self-esteem management. In addition, I can help you both in person and online via video call.
