Each relationship is unique and, in the same way, the way we feel during it or when it ends is also very personal. As much as we may find seemingly similar situations in our environment, no two experiences are the same.
Some people question why they do not experience these grieving processes when their relationships end. In this article we will talk about grief and the factors that influence how we experience it. This will allow us to delve into answering If it really is normal to never suffer grief after a breakup.
Luckily, it is increasingly common to hear people talk about grief and normalize that it is a process that occurs naturally when we experience a loss. Whatever the type (breakup, losing a job, when our expectations are not met, losing a friendship, etc.) and not only when a loved one dies.
It is essential to remember that, despite being a universal process—that is, one that all people experience at some point in their lives—its characteristics depend on each situation. There are many authors who have investigated this topic.
The phases of grief have been popularized (denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance), but we must remember that each person is different and that grief is not a linear process. Not all people experience all the proposed phases, nor does the fact of being in one imply that we cannot feel something that we have already felt again (without this implying a setback in the process or worsening).
As expected, there are various factors that can influence the development of a grieving process. Below are some of the main elements to take into account, although they are not the only ones.
At an individual level, it is important to take into account aspects such as attachment styleor—especially when we talk about grief after the loss of a bond, whether due to death or the breakup of a relationship—, previous experiences, resilience and personality style, for example.
Focusing on relational grief, we must address aspects such as the type of relationship that existed, the bonding dynamics that had been established, its perceived quality and, of course, it is also important to take into account the reason for the breakup.
Finally, we cannot forget that there are other more general aspects, such as social support and cultural factors, that can also have a strong impact on the experience of the grieving process.
Is it normal to never grieve a breakup?
In general terms, we usually find that, after the breakup of a relationship, most people begin to go through a grieving process. However it is not always so. What is this about? As we have seen previously, there are many factors that can influence the appearance and intensity of the grieving process.
In this sense, it is important that each person do a self-observation exercise to be able to review relational patterns, their attachment style or tendencies, how they have felt during the relationship and other aspects that can give us information about why we are not moving. a duel after a breakup.
It is important to start from the basis that there is no “normal” since each person is different. Hence the importance of understanding one’s own context and validate that each person has a reality and what we have experienced impacts our way of relating.
Below are some of the specific situations in relationships in which it is most common for people to state that they have not gone through a grieving process.
Relationships with abusive dynamics
It is true that, on many occasions, it can be difficult to get out of these types of relationships in which the dynamics established are abusive and harm people. Nevertheless, For people who manage to break these dynamics, they feel liberated and, in these cases, it is common to feel that they are not experiencing a grieving process..
Superficial relationships
When we talk about superficial relationships we refer to those relationships in which the bond has not been consolidated. This may happen due to time issues or because people, for whatever reasons, have not bonded deeply. It is understandable that, if there is no significant connection, the loss can be experienced as something that is not very painful.
Other factors in the relationship
Sometimes we can find situations in which people have long distanced themselves emotionally from the relationship or partner and, therefore, when the bond ends, grief is not experienced in the same way. This can also happen when both people feel the need to end the relationship, for example.
