5 Basic Principles To Enjoy Full And Satisfying Sexuality
Despite everything that has been published about psychology and sexuality, the cultural influence perpetuated by television, advertisements and the mass media in general still continue to influence our beliefs about how we should live our sexuality. Today we live surrounded by a distorted hypersexuality through which, especially in young people, the appearance of a desire that prevails over that of the other is enhanced which is why professionals must address the issue of sexuality from a gender perspective.
The truth is that our beliefs and fantasies about what life as a couple should be like and how we should live our sexuality are closely related to the difficulties that psychologists encounter in consultation.
Silvia de Béjar cited in the book “Your sex is yours”, which the most powerful sexual organ is our brain Therefore, if we live our sexuality concentrating on thoughts that feed guilt, prejudices and stereotypes, we are condemned to sexual dissatisfaction. The renowned sexologist also reminded us that we live in an era in which we all have a television at home but, even today, there are many women who do not know what it means to have an orgasm.
To do? The 5 principles to enjoy sexuality
Once contextualized the path we have left to travel and the cultural influence that conditions us, let’s focus on the solutions The 5 basic principles to enjoy full and healthy sexuality are the following.
This is a principle that points us directly to women, given that we have a history that puts us at a disadvantage in relation to men, in which our predecessors could not choose and lived their sexuality according to what was dictated by a patriarchal society. so they barely knew their body and listened to its needs. The only messages they received related to sexual matters were about their menstruation, and in some cases not even that, and their duty to please their husband, in an intimate atmosphere, yes, but also clouded by the prejudices and modesty of the time.
Today, certainly, More and more women have practically the same knowledge about their own sexual organs as men, and this self-knowledge is key to being able to talk about orgasm. This is principle number 1, which states that, whatever gender you are, you must know your own sexuality, and know and accept your body (self-confidence is key). And yes, it also includes the option of practicing autoeroticism, masturbation, self-stimulation… whatever we name it, everything starts with our own body and our pleasure.
Principle 2: Always subject and never object
Reify It is “treating/converting” a person, a living being, into an object, an inanimate being, for use or even abuse. It is true that there are sexual fantasies in which one person is used by the other, but they always imply consent from the supposed “object”, so he or she enjoys that sexual use. The emotions and desires of both people matter, and when that is the case, we would not talk about abuse or violence.
Concepció Garriga, renowned psychologist, in her article Kindness in female subjectivity: Implications for clinical practice and sexualityreflects the influence of patriarchy in the construction of our sexuality, emphasizing the goodness that was expected of women, and which materialized in caring for and pleasing others, putting the emotions, desires and needs of the other above those of the woman herself. Obviously, this concept of sexuality has been changing, but as I introduced in the article, there are still cultural vines that slide under the door of our bedrooms and enter our privacy, which we must identify to enjoy a sexuality. fury.
Being a subject means being free, being a protagonist and listening to and attending to one’s own desires The two people who make up the couple (man-woman, woman-woman, man-man) must be subjects and therefore both needs, subjectivities and lusts must be listened to.
Principle 3: Full sexual awareness thanks to Mindfulness
Mindfulness is increasingly known, but little has been said about how much the habitual practice of techniques such as meditation or Mindfulness benefit sexual practices.
The rational and cognitive pressure that our mind can exert if it is not controlled during sexual relations, can generate automatic thoughts of insecurity (“I’m not doing it too well”, “I’m sure he doesn’t like it”) that triggers the absence of an erection (dysfunction). erectile dysfunction) in men, or difficulty reaching orgasm (anorgasmia) in women.
Exercise your mind Don’t let it stop you from enjoying full and satisfying sexuality.
Principle 4: Sexual generosity, shared pleasure
If both people can be subjects, it means that Both can choose what to do, what to desire, what to experience, what helps us enjoy and what we can share Desire, decide, experience and enjoy, four verbs that lead to orgasm.
But it doesn’t mean not pleasing the other party. Sexual relationships must be reciprocal, bidirectional, selfless and generous. This means that to enjoy healthy sexuality as a couple, the other person’s pleasure must increase your own pleasure, because the other party’s enjoyment counts for you and yours, conversely, there is reciprocity Only by considering relationships in this way can we speak of satisfactory relationships.
Obviously, if we are not mentalists, we cannot guess what excites the other person, so it will be important to continue reading the next and final principle.
Principle 5: Communicate, express and trust yourself
Joan Costa, communications specialist and business consultant, author of the book “Communication in action: Report on the new culture of management”, makes the following statement: “Communication is action and action is communication.” Naturally, Costa uses it in business practice, but I personally believe that we can also apply it to Sexuality and Human Relationships in general. Communicating during sexual relations is action and acting is communicating
Complicity will be determined by our ability to communicate to the other person what the path to our orgasm is, observe, experience and our ability to listen to it. Express yourself without prejudice. Without taboos, having confidence in yourself is decisive.
We acquire confidence through self-knowledge and experimentation. Both experiences lead us to feel safe, and for this reason Many experts place sexual plenitude at 35 years and older But as a psychologist, I disagree and consider that the reality is that today, thanks to cultural changes, and especially to advances in Psychology, it is possible to enjoy sexuality with maturity well before the age of 35, and these five principles are the key to it.
