Toxic Parents: 15 Characteristics That Children Hate
The vast majority of parents genuinely try to give everything for their children and do everything in their power to satisfy their needs, but even the best-intentioned parents make mistakes and carry out behaviors that are not beneficial to the development and well-being of their offspring.
Unfortunately, some parents go beyond simple mistakes and carry out toxic behaviors that seriously harm their child’s growth and emotional health, because the figure of a father can shape his child’s future and is, along with the mother, the most important educational agent for it. Do toxic parents exist? And, more importantly: what effects can their behaviors and poor educational styles have on the fragile psyches of their children?
But also: What are the harmful behaviors of parents towards their children? What are the toxic behaviors of parents? Below you can find the 15 most common characteristics of toxic parents.
1. Too demanding
There are some parents who are too demanding of their own children and do not tolerate their failures These critical parents are too perfectionistic and expect their children to do everything well, and they think that the way to achieve this is by reminding them of their mistakes over and over again.
This type of behavior can cause serious problems for their descendants in the future and, sometimes, psychological and emotional damage that can accompany them for the rest of their lives. One of the causes of this behavior may be the father’s low self-esteem, a tremendous feeling of inferiority and even a perfectionist personality.
2. Manipulators
Although many parents have exemplary behavior with their children, There are others who, consciously or unconsciously, have a manipulative attitude and deeply harm their children, because, sometimes, they can’t escape them. They are parents who, in addition, tend to have this type of behavior with other individuals and, therefore, their own children suffer from their toxic behaviors as well.
Manipulative people are experts at detecting other people’s weaknesses to stealthily bring them into their own territory. Furthermore, they usually do not stop until they achieve their goal, they are insatiable and usually have a great need for control.
3. Authoritarian, not very tolerant and intransigent
Authoritarian parents are those who force their children to behave in a certain way without taking into account their needs and emotions, they are intolerant and inflexible and make them feel bad, even showing themselves aggressive when their children do not act as they wish. This includes taking things out of context and acting disproportionately on many occasions.
They are parents who show little communication with their children and try to raise obedient, but also very dependent children. Being not very affectionate, their children usually end up being not very happy or spontaneous.
4. Physical and verbal abusers
As much as it is hard for some of us to believe that there are parents who abuse their children, they do exist Some of these use physical violence at specific times and others more often. Some of them use verbal violence: speaking in bad manners and giving insults. Abusive parents create serious problems in their children’s self-esteem and cause damage that can be difficult to erase from memory.
5. Too critical
There are demanding parents, as we have said, but, in addition, it is also possible to find parents who are overly critical They are parents who rarely praise their children and are usually unaware that they do not know that with their continuous reproaches they end up reinforcing the bad behavior they intend to correct. Criticizing brings with it judging, censuring and condemning, and this makes children become defensive and respond with hostility and distrust.
6. Not very affectionate
Children need to feel the love of their parents, especially when they feel alone. The love of home can help get through bad times and creates emotional bonds that the child later learns. Family models that are not based on affection and trust can cause problems in children’s interpersonal relationships in the future.
You may be interested: “The Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children”
7. Not very communicative
Communication is basic in interpersonal relationships, because it can avoid many conflicts. But In the case of the parent-child relationship, it is especially necessary because it can help the child feel loved and it is necessary for their correct education. Uncommunicative parents avoid having conversations with their children and do not take their needs into account. In fact, parents should take into account not only what they say, when they say it and how they say it, but they should be experts in actively listening to their children.
8. You blame your children for your own failures or frustrations
Some parents are unhappy with their own lives, for example, because they feel like a failure at their job. As a result, their self-esteem may be low and they may be quite irritable and not very patient. These parents, furthermore, They can make the mistake of projecting their failures onto the people around them especially to those close to you, such as your own children.
9. Project your fantasies or dreams onto your children
While some may blame their children for their failures, Others may project their failed dreams or unfulfilled expectations onto the little ones In other words, they want their children to live the life that they have not been able to live. For example, forcing them to dance when children do not enjoy this practice.
10. Overly protective
The vast majority of parents want their children to be well and worry about them. But some parents turn this behavior into totally toxic behavior For example, not letting them go out with their friends for bike rides for fear that they will have an accident. This causes their children to become insecure and do not develop their own autonomy, and, furthermore, it does not allow them to enjoy their lives.
11. They don’t accept their friends
Toxic parents do not accept their children’s friendships because they have expectations of who they should mix with or not mix with. Either because they don’t have a career, because they have tattoos or because they aren’t what they want them to be. Parents have to let their children live their lives.
Related article: “The 10 types of friends: what are yours like?”
12. They plan their professional career
Parents’ concern that their children have the life they want can make your children end up choosing their professional career based on the tastes of their parents For example, some children may stand out as artists and may be happy developing their passion, but, instead, they end up studying medicine and devoting themselves to something that does not make them fully happy. Each person must live life according to their own dreams and expectations, not reproduce those of their parents.
We have all met very selfish people during our lives, but The situation is more complicated when this type of egocentric habits and attitudes manifest in parents Selfish parents only think about themselves and cause a lot of suffering in their children who may not feel loved.
Selfish people, like self-centered parents, share some characteristics. You can learn about them in this article: “Selfish people share these 6 traits”
14. They are a bad model
Parents are examples for their children and are the most important models for their lives, because they see themselves reflected in them and usually inherit certain habits, customs and even behaviors. When parents do not set an example and are a bad model, children run the risk of learning harmful behaviors This without taking into account the emotional damage that can be done to them, for example, if they are alcoholics.
15. They don’t teach them healthy habits
Children see themselves reflected in their parents, but It is especially important to know that parents educate their children to adopt healthy habits Parents who do not have a healthy lifestyle send the wrong message to their children, and that can have an effect on their future health.
Not only that, but also when children are very young they are beings who are at the mercy of their parents. If they feed them poorly, their children can suffer the negative consequences of this behavior. For example, being overweight due to poor family eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle.
How to avoid a parenting style that is harmful to children?
There is still no definitive parental guide, since each family has its own circumstances, limitations and ways of acting. What should be taken into account is what educational style we want to promote, and have a certain consistency when transmitting one parenting style or another.
If the parents agree on the majority of limits and attitudes that they should promote towards their children, and they accompany the minor in an affectionate and close way, it is much more likely that conflicts will take time to appear, and that when they do they will be of lower intensity.
