Narcissism: When Is It Healthy And When Is It A Disorder?

A certain degree of narcissism is necessary throughout our lives and is essential for our self-worth, since it is necessary to feel valuable, to feel worthy. We all have a certain degree of narcissism and it is one of the keys to achieving goals, increasing our self-esteem, and feeling self-love.

On the other hand, the concept of narcissism associated with selfish and vain behavior arose from the classical greek story of narcissus “A man who fell in love with himself and could not take his eyes off the reflection of himself on the surface of a lake, and unable to continue seeing himself in the image in the water, ends up throwing himself into the water, submerged in his own.” “I” of him. He ends in a tragic way and the image of him becomes his prison, unable to separate himself from her.

From this story the use of narcissism is described as a potentially problematic aspect. When it becomes unhealthy, we would be talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Pathological narcissism should not be confused with healthy narcissism.

Healthy narcissism is necessary and serves to stand out in different areas (work, family, social)… It is what most people have. Healthy narcissism lies in loving and caring for yourself while Pathological narcissism consists of caring for the fantasy of caring for the image of a false “I”

healthy narcissism

The person who owns it He manages to be warm, empathetic with his loved ones, respects each person’s individual space, is even-tempered and judicious with his talents and abilities and he likes to listen to what others have to tell him, including ideas that he does not share or are contrary to his beliefs.

Besides, Those who have healthy narcissism can express their points of view respectfully and in a friendly way , and although he can argue, he is understanding of other points of view. On the other hand, you are good at connecting with your partner.

Pathological narcissism

Those who present pathological narcissism are jealous and, in general, unhappy. They feel constant dissatisfaction and put their need for love, validation and attention before the well-being of their own family or business

They are generally charming in public, but hostile towards their friends or family (they present a double face) and speak badly of people behind their backs.

In addition, they often damage your business or reputation, but they do not take responsibility, they do not admit that they were wrong.

Also It is characteristic that they feel superior but alone, and that they have a special fear of loneliness , while at the same time feeling trapped in a bubble. Their way of living sexuality is impersonal, unsatisfactory.

They are competitive people obsessed with being the center of attention, and they carry out violence directed towards themselves. On the other hand, they insist on pointing out differences with others.

Lack of empathy, the missing link

Because in the pathological narcissist his focus of attention is himself, is not able to put himself in the other’s shoes ; He will not recognize other people’s feelings or needs because he is very focused on his own experiences.

Narcissists have a very damaged ego, they constantly fear that their bubble of egocentrism that they have built will deflate. Thus, They tend to live on the defensive, they are hypersensitive to criticism They do not allow someone to give them advice, much less a sermon, this causes them anger, shame and frustration.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), Personality Disorders cannot be diagnosed in childhood, but in adulthood, although problems begin to appear from the age of 15.

However, In childhood, children show very narcissistic characteristics : lack of limits, excess of lies or obvious envy and overflowing competitiveness. What is currently proven is that although the features of the disorder may not be clear until after the age of 18, if a child does not develop empathic senses from a young age, it will be impossible for them to develop them later. After the age of 12 or 13, the brain has finished developing its basic functions

It is proven that psychopathy is heritable and you are born with it. A narcissist is made and a psychopath is born. The human mind is much more fragile than we believe, it is incredible to see how there are irreversible damages that occurred in childhood.

The emotional management system

Emotions are generated in a group of brain structures called the limbic system , which includes the hypothalamus, hippocampus and amygdala. When these parts are not exercised in childhood through affection, love, or interactions that teach the individual to take responsibility for their actions, they remain atrophied forever. Although serious disconnections are also caused within this system. Furthermore, narcissists are known to have a thinner cerebral cortex.

Doctor Calixto, doctor in Neuroscience from the National University of the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM), explains that between the ages of 8 and 12, empathy mirror neurons are generated in the cingulate gyrus. People who were abandoned at these ages are 30% more likely to develop depression, and this also encourages the development of narcissism.

So, Emotional abuse or lack of attention can affect a child’s social development When children develop narcissism due to violence, they live in terror; They generally have a cruel narcissistic father or mother, so terror becomes habitual and they prefer not to feel because they must continue seeing the protector as terrifying and threatening, and therefore the brain links of empathy do not develop well. They suffer a feeling of abandonment that accompanies them forever, some think that they deserve nothing, others that they cannot trust anyone.