How To Face The New Year When Situations Are Not Favorable?
New Year’s dinners can be enjoyable, fun and emotional, but they can also be uncomfortable. It is a pivotal moment in which people prepare an overall balance of their year and express their expectations for the coming year, which is usually accompanied by one or several family gatherings, generally a dinner or lunch.
These events can be painful for people when certain unfavorable situations have previously occurred, such as interpersonal disagreements or the loss of a family member. For this reason, in this article we will develop coping strategies to welcome the next year even in the presence of conflicts within the family
It is common for offices to systematically repeat the problem of family dinners towards the end of the year. And, as a result of convening events such as New Year’s or Christmas, children, adolescents and adults who are undergoing psychological treatment often tell their therapists that they feel forced to attend these meetings. Many of them indicate that they would prefer to spend the New Year alone, or with other more significant people.
There are various reasons that may underlie the desire to avoid a family event at the end of the year A person might not want to go to a New Year’s dinner because, based on previous experience, he or she can anticipate that that uncle, cousin, or distant relative will attend and will take a short time to bring up a sensitive topic—for example, the current political situation—or begin an interrogation that I would prefer to evade—like the oft-said: “When will the boyfriend/girlfriend be?” or “How much longer do you have to finish your degree?”, to name a few. Also, it could happen that there are differences or conflicts between some guests, potentially leading to a bad time for the others.
Another possibility is that the person considers, in advance, that the atmosphere in the family will be tense due to a recent event in the life of one of its members, such as the illness or loss of a loved one It is likely that the person does not feel ready or emotionally available to face a dinner in which reference may be made to that family member who is no longer there.
Finally, it is important to mention that unfavorable situations can exceed the exclusively interpersonal level. The economic situation of many people, families and/or countries in the world makes it difficult to invest in preparations for the New Year in the same way as it used to be done in previous years. Historical and social aspects could also influence the possibility of spending the New Year with one or more people or away from them; for example, as a result of going through a migration process.
Coping strategies for the New Year in unfavorable situations
We have just outlined some common reasons why someone would not want to attend a New Year’s Eve dinner, but it is important to emphasize that, beyond these possibilities, every experience is valid: a person could simply not feel like attending the event. event (and that’s fine).
However, sometimes it is useful to reflect on the short and long term. What consequences could the decision to miss or resist a meeting trigger in ourselves and others? Perhaps, it could happen that we are also not willing to face a conflict with our mother because we have not attended, so even in the presence of that discomfort and “little desire”, it may be more useful to make the decision to attend. to the meeting.
The purpose of this article is to provide certain guidelines for facing the New Year when the person, still immersed in unfavorable situations, ends up deciding to celebrate this holiday with their partner, family, acquaintances or friends. Let’s see them below.
1. Decide which discussions to engage in and which not to
In the first instance, a key strategy for coping at this time is to make the decision not to engage in discussions with other guests that lead nowhere; especially, in those cases in which they are not willing to change their mind. At New Year’s dinners there are often out-of-place comments or controversial opinions Many people, especially younger ones, are often tempted to “educate” or “correct” older people on topics about which they are not very informed.
This is fine if the other person is open to learning a new point of view, but the reality is that this is not always the case. A good strategy is to look ahead slightly and reflect: What am I trying to achieve by presenting my opposing arguments to this person’s at dinner? Is there a possibility that the other person will change or be open to new points of view, or not?
2. Accept what cannot be changed
At family gatherings at the end of the year it is easy to get frustrated by situations that do not work out as you would like. Sometimes, someone might long for the presence of a person who is no longer there; wishing that the family’s economic situation was different so that they could spend the holidays in better conditions; wanting guests to behave differently than they always have, etc.
However, it is important to keep in mind that wallowing in reflection is an unhelpful strategy for changing the current situation Thinking and rethinking a situation several times can help you reach a conclusion or a creative idea capable of solving a problem or conflict, but there comes a point at which ruminating becomes an obsolete technique for dealing with a difficult situation. Therefore, radical acceptance of factors that are beyond our control is essential to face the New Year in a more enjoyable way.
3. Redirect attention to beneficial activities
The reception of the New Year can have positive aspects. This does not imply avoid thinking about the negative factors of the unfavorable situation, much less deny them On the contrary, it means accepting them completely and redirecting attention towards other activities that may be more useful at that moment and from which we could take advantage, even in the presence of the difficult situation. For example, participating in rituals to welcome the next year, such as writing resolutions for 2024 or toasting those little things for which you are grateful even in a complicated context, can be protective decisions to make the New Year a more important event. Enjoyable.
