A romantic breakup is one of the most painful experiences that exist How to overcome a situation like this? Where to start?
The following article explains the main reasons why breakups are so difficult to manage, as well as the factors on which the suffering experienced depends. There are also several keys to be able to begin to rebuild our lives and cope with it in the best possible way
A couple breakup constitutes grief. That’s how it is, Although no one has died, it is a significant loss
Grief will depend largely on the personal characteristics of the members and the nature of both the relationship and the breakup.
If we are the person who has been dumped, feelings of inadequacy, emptiness, and low self-esteem are also likely to appear. Especially if the relationship has also been built based on the feared emotional dependence.
What do we lose in a breakup?
A breakup is painful because it is a loss in many ways.
1. Loss of a person important to us
We lose someone who is key to us, so we will miss this person but we also lose a joint future project.
If the relationship had progressed, it is common for future plans to have been made. When the couple breaks up, those patterns are also broken. This way, Our idea of the future is suspended and feelings of disorientation and emptiness may appear
3. Loss of a role
Furthermore, we lose an important role. When we are in a relationship, we must not forget that we are such a person, but we are also the couple of After the breakup, we lose that role.
4. Loss of relationships with other people
On the other hand, we lose contact with people involved. In many cases, links are shared. People around your ex who end up becoming important people in your life: friends, in-laws…
5. Loss of quality of life
Sometimes, we lose quality of life. It may happen that our pocketbook suffers: We live in a society where being in a relationship is cheaper. Perhaps you lived together as a couple, so after the breakup, the expenses fall solely on you again.
What can I do to get over the breakup?
Keep in mind that grieving is necessary Many times, especially at the beginning, when the emotional pain is most intense, we would like to be able to sleep until everything stops. But this, in addition to not being possible, is not convenient either. Why? Because grief has to be experienced in order to turn the page.
1. Find out about the phases of grief
Sometimes, emotions alternate so quickly that we feel like we are losing control: suddenly I am very sad, later I feel angry, the next day I feel great vertigo about my future…
Understanding that what you experience and what you feel is normal is very important. It relieves an additional burden that has to do with the concern that arises such as: Am I experiencing a setback? Each emotion experienced has a reason: for example, sadness helps you process what has happened and surround yourself with your people.
2. Practice zero contact
This part is complicated, but necessary if we want to turn the page.
Try to ask your people for help: ask them not to talk to you about your ex, avoid bringing up the subject yourself, don’t contact your ex, get rid of their things or ask someone you trust to return them for you, save everything that reminds you of that person in a way that you don’t see it, etc.
You must help your brain process that that person is no longer part of your life. Keep in mind that your ex is like a drug for you right now, so it is important to make it as difficult as possible for him to fall.
3. Stop asking yourself why?
Human beings need answers We spend our lives wanting to know even what harms us.
After a breakup, it’s normal to ask why? Why has he left me? Why did it have to end like this? Why me?
Given the lack of information, We fill that void with stories that usually make us feel worse Furthermore, we obsess instead of looking forward.
Try to notice the next time you are thinking like this and replace it with the question, what now?
It may be that you are not clear about your medium-term projects and then, it is about connecting with what excites you and makes you happy to get back on track. Anything goes as long as it keeps you in action: a trip, volunteering, a new business idea, a new hobby…
5. Surround yourself with your people
Sometimes the feelings of loneliness are very intense. Furthermore, our personal image can end up damaged. We experience as failure what, in reality, is an experience from which in the future we will surely learn something. Our people will support us and help us remember how incredible we are
6. Strengthen your self-esteem
Finally and in line with the above: Any breakup is a hard blow to our self-esteem
We may have felt that we were not enough. In reality, what happens is that you are perfectly sufficient but perhaps, you did not give each other what each other needed. Think that if this person has let you go it is because he was not the partner of your life.
From now on, your self-esteem is a priority: the sooner you start throwing away what damages it, the sooner you will feel better.
And vice versa, think about what things make you good, people, plans, activities… and fill your agenda. Don’t wait until you feel better to do what you like!
You will be sending the message to your brain: I am worth a lot, even though I am not feeling well now.
I hope these keys have clarified for you how to start overcoming a breakup. If you feel like you need help in the process, you can do it with me.
