The past is important in people’s lives because the path taken up to this moment is the one that gives meaning to the present. When you fall in love with a person, you truly love them, if you accept their present just as you aspire to receive this same level of understanding. It may happen that you have your hopes up for a person and some aspect of their past distances you from the idea of ​​loving them unconditionally. For example, attitudes that break with the fundamental values ​​that you want in a partner.
However, the past interferes with the present, sometimes, for irrelevant reasons. For example, some people feel jealous of their partner’s past, they mentally compete with the figure of an ex who occupied a special place in the past. How can you forget your partner’s past? In PsychologyFor we tell you.
When you immerse yourself in this mental dynamic of ideas and thoughts that lead you to live in enmity with your partner due to some event in the past, you are letting those gray thoughts and subjective ideas take you away from the chapter of this love story: the present. Therefore, make decisions now
When you suffer from your partner’s past, you let what you imagine about that moment affect you. If you were not in your partner’s life at that time, then you do not have the ability to give your opinion on the matter with the same criteria with which you analyze your own biography.
If you are so conditioned by that past, you distance yourself from the possibility of remembering your own memories as a couple Therefore, be creative and constructive to propose plans, organize details, have interesting conversations, define new goals and live day to day.
Your partner has a past and deserves to be approached with respect. Because You also have a previous story And, in a way, thanks to the fact that your paths crossed at some point yesterday, you are together today. Therefore, instead of interpreting the past in a destructive way, find valuable meaning in that period.
In this other article we tell you why you feel jealous of your partner’s exes.
Tips to overcome retrospective jealousy
In order to overcome your partner’s past, it is essential that you begin to control the retrospective jealousy , that is, jealousy over his past life. Here we give you some tips that will help you:
Talk to your partner regarding what makes you insecure. Try to express it sincerely because by verbalizing your fears and inner ghosts you acquire greater mental strength to be able to overcome them. Why do you think this affects you? Maybe you feel that your partner was happier then than now that he or she is with you? What reasons do you have to believe that? What are you jealous of?
If there is any aspect of your partner’s past that affects you negatively, try not to focus your conversations around that issue because knowing more information about it will only make it hurt even more. Try to identify the internal messages that give you these painful emotions and assume your own responsibility to work on this point since your partner is not responsible for your jealousy.
If you find yourself at this point, it is very possible that your life script is conditioned by a feeling of nostalgia and longing that leads you to live from belief that any past time was better For this reason, the advice to live in the present, not only in your personal sphere, but also in the other areas of your life, is educational because the melancholy of yesterday remains in the background when you invest your attention, your time and your affectivity in current actions.
Psychological help to overcome retrospective jealousy
It may happen that you feel unable to overcome this discomfort definitively. Maybe you feel that no matter how hard you try, frustration and inner anger take over your mood at times because you can’t manage this situation. In that case, and for your own well-being, it is important that you request psychological support to nourish your level of self-esteem and, in this way, prepare yourself to adopt a different attitude.
Its convenient that ask for psychological help If on a theoretical level you are aware that the past no longer exists, however, in practice, you suffer as if everything that you interpret was happening right now. Although you want all this to stop hurting you, there is something blocking you.
In that case, you are faced with the challenge of overcome this insecurity , but also, given the opportunity to find answers. And this is important for yourself because even if you end this relationship, if in the future you fall in love again, it is very possible that you will experience this jealousy of that person’s past by not having developed new coping skills.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to forget my partner’s past we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.
