Emotional Infidelity: What It Is, And Signs To Detect It
Just as no one person is the same, couples are also very different in terms of habits and agreements. While there are relationships in which members are allowed to date other people, in others this is seen as the most serious violation of their idea of a relationship.
Infidelity occurs when one of the two members does not respect the agreements that were supposedly accepted when they decided to go out together. This infidelity does not have to occur only sexually, but emotional contact with other people can also be considered betrayal, that is, commit emotional infidelity
Below we will try to understand and explain the idea of emotional infidelity, why it is more difficult to detect than sexual infidelity and some ways to recognize and overcome it.
Emotional infidelity, apart from sexual infidelity, is considered another form of infidelity in a couple and can be the cause of their breakup. This occurs when one member of the couple cheats on the other person emotionally without there having been a physical or sexual approach but in which intimate emotions have been shared with a third person.
Each couple establishes their own rules and limits regarding how to relate to other people, something that is totally normal as long as coercive techniques such as abuse and manipulation are not included. There are couples in which it is allowed to have sexual relations with other people, as is the case of open relationships, while in others this is seen as infidelity, since it has been agreed that there would be sexual exclusivity. This is equally applicable to the emotional sphere.
Infidelity, both sexual and emotional, is usually one of the main reasons for disappointment and breakup of relationships Although we normally understand “infidelity” as sexual cuckolding, many people see it as a real betrayal for their partner to relate very intimately with other people, especially if they are of the desired sex.
It may be jealousy, which is pathological, but sometimes suspicions are confirmed and the cheater is looking for the company of someone who emotionally fulfills him more than his own partner.
Although there are many people who consider that relating to other people on a more emotional level is not infidelity of any kind, the truth is that the other party may feel humiliated and experience it with a lot of pain.
There are even those who see sexual infidelity as something less serious and important than emotional infidelity, and there are even relationships in which one of the lovers is tolerated as prostitutes as long as they do not abandon their partner emotionally. .
What is considered emotional infidelity?
The idea of emotional infidelity in itself is simple, understood as the situation that occurs when one of the two members of the couple establishes a relationship of intimacy and exchange of feelings and emotions with another person that goes beyond a friendship. The complex part of the situation is the way in which it is interpreted that this has happened and whether or not the couple’s agreements have been broken that they had agreed upon as soon as the relationship began.
In most couples, it is widely assumed that being in a relationship of this type they cannot become sexually intimate with other people and, if they do, sexual infidelity has been committed. However, it is not clear to what extent having a friendship of the preferred sex or relating emotionally with other people implies betraying one’s partner, which means that if the faithful person interprets that they have been betrayed, it generates a lot of confusion in the unfaithful person. , who may well not see the problem.
Unless there is an explicit agreement about what type of emotional relationships can be had with other people, emotional infidelity will be something to interpret when it has already happened. The person who committed the betrayal will try to relativize the problem saying that she has only been talking, that she wanted to know the opinion of a friend, that there has not been any type of touching, kissing or sex, which means there is no infidelity… and other arguments that neither really defend her nor serve to expose her, since It may also happen that it is the faithful person who is exaggerating the situation.
The only situation in which we have complete certainty in which emotional infidelity has occurred is if the unfaithful person falls in love with her friendship and shows it to her, telling her that he loves her, that he loves her, that he is much more comfortable with her. than with your current partner… Likewise, each situation is very complex and although later we will see some signs that can tell us that this is happening, it is quite difficult to clearly determine whether it has happened or not.
Emotional infidelity on social networks
In the past, the most common infidelities were sexual ones. These types of betrayals occurred outside the home, at work or on a business trip. The two lovers met secretly to have sex while the naive husband or wife thought that her spouse was actually doing things related to work or out for a walk.
With the arrival of new technologies, the improvement of mobile phones, the Internet and other resources, it seems that emotional infidelity has been gaining ground Naturally there is sexual infidelity, but now it is also intimate through instant messaging chats, social networks and specific applications for this type of “need”.
The person who commits this type of infidelity can see it as mere entertainment, a way to increase their self-esteem by seeing how much success in love they can have and, also, as an exercise to share their internal world, which may be difficult for them to communicate to their partner. , even though that’s what it’s for.
In the long run There is a risk that if you meet the person you were chatting with in person, you will also commit sexual infidelity l. It should also be said that emotional infidelity does not depend on networks, since it can occur with close people, but due to the fear of one’s own partner finding out through a friend of a friend of that emotional lover, many of the emotional infidels Those who do it with full awareness of it prefer social networks to look for this type of lovers.
What is more serious: emotional infidelity or sexual infidelity?
As we said, each couple has their own agreements and rules about the relationship, both sexually and emotionally. Sexually it is usually more obvious, since unless the opposite is clearly stated, it is implicit that they are not going to have sexual encounters with other people. If it has been agreed that you can have sex with other people, if you do have it there is no infidelity, and if it has not been agreed then a betrayal has been committed.
However, emotionally it is not so clear, in addition to the fact that each gender interprets what an emotional betrayal is differently. Many couples begin assuming that both lovers are going to love each other very much and are not going to fall in love with other people, which is why It is not made clear from the beginning what to do and what not to do with third parties on a sentimental level
The answer to the question of whether emotional or sexual infidelity is more serious depends. It will depend on the agreements that the couple has reached, their current situation, if they have given each other time and in that time it has been clarified or not that they can see each other with other people… Each person is a world and so is their partner. , in which a different value is given to sexual and emotional fidelity, seeing themselves as more or less serious depending on their own belief system and values
Research conducted by Dr. David Frederick of Chapman University and Melissa Fales of UCLA surveyed 64,000 American adults about their views on emotional infidelity and sexual infidelity. The majority of heterosexual men gave greater importance to the sexual aspect, considering the emotional aspect little or relatively serious. On the other hand, heterosexual women did give significant importance to emotional issues, worrying about whether their partner was emotionally attracted to another woman.
Causes
The causes that can lead a person to emotionally cheat on their partner are very varied. The main problem that usually emerges in this type of situation is the lack of communication, it usually happens that before the emotional infidelity occurs, the person who committed it felt little listened to by their partner, that they could not share their feelings nor could they share their feelings. There was fluidity in the conversations. Despite living with her You feel like you are not emotionally present and you seek to fill this emotional lack with an external person
Furthermore, the absence of communication can lead to and worsen other unresolved conflicts. Among them we can find a lack of affection, especially if each one is very focused on their own private life, their work or their hobbies and moments for romanticism are conspicuous by their absence. There is a lack of signs of affection and understanding, which makes one of the two feel the need to find that affection outside.
Monotony is also a very dangerous magnet for emotional infidelity. The routine causes the couple to get stuck, even if they are not aware of it. One of the two members may feel like the relationship is not as exciting as it was at the beginning, which causes them to start looking for new experiences in people in their circle with whom they can end up generating a relationship deeper than friendship.
Sexual and relationship dissatisfaction in general terms can lead to this situation, especially if you are seeing that you do not share tastes, hobbies or other forms of leisure with the other. One of the members of the couple looks for people who share the same interests and ends up establishing a very deep connection, even if it is not sexual, which in the long run can evolve into emotional and also sexual infidelity.
Normally, when one lives in a healthy relationship, where there is good communication, empathy, understanding and love, it is difficult for any type of infidelity to occur, especially of the emotional type. Both members of the couple will talk openly about their feelings and find a way to take action if either of them is not satisfied, energizing life as a couple.
Signs to detect it
There are many signs that can indicate that we are being betrayed emotionally, although none in itself is a guarantee that this is the case It is difficult to detect if we are victims of emotional infidelity but we can avoid it by establishing good communication with our partner.
Likewise, it should be said that the absence of communication is not always indicative of anything and that each situation and couple can manifest this type of infidelity through very different signals.
One of the most notable signs is if our partner is emotionally distant, it is difficult for him to express his feelings or he shows little interest in what is discussed within the relationship. It may also happen that, suddenly, she has expanded her circle of friends and among them there is a special person, with whom she shares a lot of time and perhaps is establishing a special relationship with her.
The person who is emotionally unfaithful can hide secrets from the couple, such as not saying who they have been with or if they have met someone. Also there may be a change in attitude towards mobile phones, computers and social networks, especially if you previously didn’t care to show your partner what you were doing, showing, or even sharing your password. Now he is reluctant to share these types of devices and applications.
We emphasize that none of these signs are unequivocal and indicative of emotional infidelity. However, if there is any change, it is always better to talk to find balance in the relationship.
It is very important to understand that In a healthy couple it is normal for each member to have different friends and do separate activities It’s even healthy not to share everything. This does not mean that there is infidelity, but rather that we are not extremely codependent on our partner.
How to overcome emotional infidelity
Any infidelity, both sexual and emotional, is painful and implies a turning point in the relationship. If you consider that the couple’s agreements have been explicitly violated, you can decide to break up, but in reality this is very difficult and we prefer to move on and try to overcome the infidelity, since we still love the other party even if they have committed a crime. mistake. Fortunately, there are several things that can be done to overcome emotional infidelity.
One of the fundamental aspects is to improve communication, since it is likely that his absence has led to infidelity. It is healthy to talk about what happened, clear all possible doubts with those involved and find solutions. It is totally legitimate to get angry, show anger, ask questions again and cry, since they are necessary to rebuild the relationship with good foundations. We must focus on what led the unfaithful person to do it, analyze the causes, their external situation and their emotions. Only then can we take measures so that this does not happen again.
It is normal for both members to feel guilty about the situation The unfaithful person will feel guilty for having committed a betrayal and staggering the relationship, while the other person will not stop thinking about what she did wrong for her loved one to have cheated on her and why she did not see it before. But although it is normal for both to feel guilty, neither of these two guilts allows progress towards successful improvement. You have to free yourself from these feelings, since its presence makes it impossible to overcome infidelity.
At this point, if you want to continue with the couple, you must commit to commitment. If love is strong enough to continue fighting for a future together, it is recommended that both lovers make the solid commitment to building a good relationship with real and sincere changes.
You must put aside what separated you and opt for empathy, understanding and renounce emotional contacts with third parties. Some new type of couple contract must be established and specify that this time it will be fulfilled
Finally we have to forgive infidelity and forget it. Without forgiveness or forgetting, regardless of whether or not you want to recover the relationship, both members of the couple will not feel good being trapped in rancor and resentment.
It is essential for the mental health of the deceived and the unfaithful to ask for forgiveness and forgive. Only then can both of them continue with their lives, both together and apart. If you stay together, you should never bring up the topic again, nor constantly ask for forgiveness. You must forgive and forget.
