Until 200 years ago, couples generally married as a matter of kinship or to pass on their land or property. This monogamy was necessary to ensure that no individual would cheat and step outside the imposed family line and so that the properties remained within the male lineage.
However, extramarital affairs and infidelities have always been part of human history, regardless of the culture and society of the moment. AND Nowadays it seems that infidelity rates between couples have skyrocketed and we ask ourselves: Is this happening because of a cultural issue or are we unfaithful by nature?
Today, couple relationships are established not only to share property, but also out of love and desire.
The hope for married couples is that that love lasts until death, although the reality is that for more than half of them it withers long before death or even old age. Some remarry and choose serial monogamy, creating a commitment to another spouse, although statistics tell us that second marriages last only a third as long, and third ones are even less successful.
Infidelity rates in our culture haven’t changed much. Although studies vary in their results, they show that almost 60% of men and more than 45% of women will cheat on their partner at some point. In fact, Issues related to infidelity and cheating in marriage affect almost one in three couples
However, studies vary on why infidelities occur. Some data suggest that it is an effect of dopamine ; This neurotransmitter would be released when we deceive our partner and hide the fact that we are having another relationship. Other studies suggest that it is a matter of opportunity: that is, when the opportunity arises we do not hesitate. But there seem to be as many reasons to be unfaithful as there are people in this world.
The reality is that there are no studies that really prove that human beings, as mammals that we are, are monogamous by nature. It is enough to take a look at our history as primates to justify our behavior. Do we have the ability to mate with people outside of our primary relationship because deep down we are just animals? It is probable. Do we have the ability to make such decisions because our brains have evolved since we lived in caves? It’s possible too.
What does the research say?
In a study carried out at the University of Oxford it was observed that The rate of infidelity was related to the length of the index fingers compared to the length of the ring fingers of the people surveyed. It was found that 62% of men and 50% of women who had a ring finger larger than their index finger were more likely to commit infidelity.
This appears to be due to the fact that a longer length of this finger correlates with a higher level of exposure to the hormone testosterone during fetal development. However, we must be cautious when interpreting these data and not forget that correlation is not the same as causation (having a longer finger does not automatically mean that one has to be a Don Juan).
Studies have also been conducted with prairie voles, one of the only truly monogamous mammals. Their mating habits were compared to that of their more promiscuous cousins, the peasant voles; and the results suggest that the only difference between the two animals is that the former had a higher rate of vasopressin and the female voles more promiscuous had more oxytocin receptor inhibitors a substance that is considered the hormone of love and that promotes the union of couples.
In fact, the inhibition of oxytocin creates resistance to this type of union, and it is interesting to note that when women are stressed they generate lower levels of this hormone.
So, are we unfaithful by nature or not?
We live in a culture where almost 50% of couples divorce Many of these marriages, perhaps as many as a third, end due to infidelity. Does this mean that, as a society, we are not committed to monogamy?
Some people assume that infidelity is a symptom of some fundamental problem in a marriage or committed relationship, ignoring the more important dilemma of whether monogamy is even possible for the average person. It also seems that we are not very good at choosing our lovers either, and only 10% of these types of relationships last even a month; and the rest lasts, at most, a year or two. Very few extramarital affairs last more than three or four years.
Perhaps, in response to the constant divorce rate, Today we have a new generation of open marriages, and what is defined as polyamory, where couples choose to define their own structural forms of new monogamy. Some couples are choosing what is traditionally called an “open relationship,” where sexual fidelity is not what keeps the relationship monogamous, but rather it is the emotional connection that defines the concept of monogamy.
In short, today we may not have a clear answer to the question of whether or not we are unfaithful by nature; However, new questions are being generated that affect the question of how we currently understand the concept of monogamy that can enrich our point of view about what a relationship means to us and what we can do to be happier in our relationships in general. .
