How To Manage Emotional Discomfort When Faced With A Lonely Valentine’s Day
It is clear that being alone is not the same as feeling alone, and few times of the year reflect this fact better than Valentine’s Day. Some people who don’t have a partner experience those 24 hours just as they would any other day, while others have a really hard time and prefer to do their best to avoid thinking about what’s on their calendar.
If you are among those who make up this second group of single people, keep reading. Here I will give some general advice on What to do when faced with the emotional discomfort unleashed by a Valentine’s Day without having a partner
What is the cause of psychological discomfort when faced with a lonely Valentine’s Day?
There are two main types of situations in which some people who are not married or have a boyfriend or girlfriend can feel very bad during Valentine’s Day.
Firstly, there are those who have recently left a romantic relationship and are still being affected by the psychological grief that this produces. After all, The end of a courtship or marriage is experienced as a loss of something to which we were united by a strong emotional bond and that no longer accompanies us in the present, so we must adapt to a new reality, a process that is usually emotionally draining.
Secondly, we have those who experience their singleness as a problem because they have been looking to start a relationship for a long time and do not see themselves capable of it; in this case, The discomfort is not associated with the loss, but rather with self-esteem problems and in some cases to the envy generated by those who seem to be happy in a marriage or courtship.
In these two types of situations, Valentine’s Day acts as a catalyst for psychological vulnerabilities that were already affecting the person; This time of year brings up multiple reminders about what it is supposed to be like to live a perfect relationship or, in some cases, about the expectations generated around marriage as one of the phases on the path to personal success.
In other words, the promotional and media machinery organized around this day of the year makes many people feel obliged to position themselves in front of what is supposed to be “true love”, the perfect relationship, and Even those who criticize this tradition do so because they feel social pressure to react to what a Valentine’s Day alone or as a couple means
Tips to manage emotional discomfort before Valentine’s Day without having a partner
The first thing you should be clear about is that, as with all psychological problems, each case is unique, which means that there cannot be a 100% infallible manual of steps to follow to feel good on Saint’s Day. Valentine.
The solution is to take into account both the context in which we live, the context in which we have lived, and our personal characteristics. And precisely because it is best to focus on the experience of each individual, the most effective way to address these cases is to go to psychotherapy, given that psychological professionals study the particularities of each patient. Now, if at the moment you are not considering taking this step or you want to combine it with extra help, follow these tips as general guidelines and recommendations.
1. Accept what you feel in the present
First of all, it is important that you do not come to the conclusion that the emotional discomfort generated by a Valentine’s Day alone can be overcome by denying that discomfort, pretending that it does not exist. That It will only lead you to feel worse due to the frustration of not being able to block that feeling nor the intrusive thoughts associated with unwanted loneliness or nostalgia for a relationship that has already ended.
Accept what you feel in the here and now to stop just reacting to it without being able to take the initiative. To turn the page you must be able to understand where you are in your life and not deny what affects you.
2. Transform emotional discomfort into a motivating force
Anguish, unwanted loneliness and the rest of the experiences linked to emotional pain can be transformed into something that motivates us to progress in our lives; After all, if uncomfortable emotions exist, it is for a reason. The point is not to avoid feeling bad, it is to avoid entering a loop of self-sabotage and self-punishment as if we were to blame for going through bad times.
In this case, you can use that discomfort as a sign that you should reconcile with your past and your present, learn from mistakes, and look to the future in a constructive way. Emotional discomfort can be reformulated as a sign that we must “force ourselves” to do things that go beyond our comfort zone (which in these cases usually consists of escaping from the present through hobbies that do not require effort or concentration, such as eating. without hunger or watching television) and restructure our daily lives to connect with projects that excite us and motivate us: start once and for all to write the novel that we have been planning for years, start making friends on the app that we had resisted using , start studying a language with which we feel a spatial affinity, etc.
3. Do not neglect the rest of the facets of love beyond the couple
Although Valentine’s Day has a strong cultural load associated with it that “is given to us” through the society in which you live (for example, through television advertisements, romantic movies, etc.), we always have room of maneuver to give it a different meaning; that is, to make a Valentine’s Day to suit us. For example, you can transform these dates into an excuse to do activities with your family or other loved ones, giving new meaning to the traditions linked to this day. Have you wondered if you have friends who are going through something similar to what you are going through and who would appreciate having plans with you?
4. Don’t neglect healthy routines
You should adopt a series of self-care routines (physical and mental) to prevent these bad moments from leading you to “get hooked” on a bad habit, something relatively common in those who go through a crisis. Especially common are cases of relapses in addictions that one thought had been overcome (for example, smoking) and sleep problems generated by an unstructured schedule and difficulties in sleeping at the time that suits us. Once this has happened, it is more difficult to return to the path of healthy habits and, at the same time, we are more vulnerable to anxiety.
5. If you are sad on Valentine’s Day, reconcile yourself with being single
Don’t forget that there is no natural law that says that the “normal” way to live life is to have a partner. It is perfectly possible to be happy when single, and in fact, not having a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has a series of advantages that should be considered. In fact, It may be a good time for you to write it in a list and then you order them according to the importance you give them.
Could it be that you have developed Valentine’s Day depression?
Just because you feel sad does not mean that you have Valentine’s Day depression, nor does it imply that you have developed psychopathology. Normally, these types of passing experiences are not enough in themselves to leave psychopathological sequelae that have the capacity to last in the medium or long term. Now, it is important that if you notice that this day affects you a lot emotionally, do not neglect your mental health and keep track of your mood; for example, filling out a personal diary before going to sleep each night. If you notice that the weeks go by and you continue to feel bad, It is recommended that you attend psychotherapy
Keep in mind that your discomfort does not have to fit the diagnostic criteria of a psychological disorder for it to be advisable for you to go to a psychologist. For example, grief caused by the end of a romantic relationship rarely transforms into psychopathology, but many people choose to go to therapy and benefit from it.
Do you need professional psychological support?
If you are looking for psychotherapy services due to emotional problems, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Pigeon King Cardona, I am a General Health Psychologist, and I serve people of all ages; Sessions can be held in person or through video calls.
