In an ideal world, we would all have the time and skills necessary to help the most hostile, selfish, or passive-aggressive people establish healthy connections with us and with the rest of society.
However, the reality is that if we do not want to be completely destroyed physically and psychologically, we must give up taking care of all the problems of those who do not treat us well. In other words, we must learn to free ourselves from toxic people for the sake of our mental health; or at least, to treat them under our own conditions and terms. Here we explain some key ideas about how to achieve this.
Toxic people are those who have a marked predisposition to cause us discomfort even through seemingly banal everyday actions, mainly due to their way of relating to us. Furthermore, this term applies to those who they wear us out psychologically not punctually, but with a certain frequency, because they are part of some of the social circles through which we usually move. For example, they can be co-workers, distant relatives, neighbors, etc.
In short, what characterizes toxic people is that they give rise to toxic relationships, at least in terms of the way they treat us. In some cases, they behave in a more or less correct way with some of their acquaintances, but not with everyone due to dynamics of classism, xenophobia, etc.
These are some recommendations based on assertiveness that you can follow so that you are able to find an answer to the key question: how to free myself from toxic people?
1. Identify the person based on their behavior
The first step to getting rid of a toxic person is to specifically identify those behaviors that are harmful to us or affect us in any way. This may be simple, but it is not easy, because custom can cause us to have normalized those attitudes that are harmful to us
To identify them, we must take into account the main characteristics of toxic people, which are the ones we have seen before. On the other hand, it can be useful to take notes regularly in a personal diary, and reread it weekly.
2. Reduce contact
Another tip that you can put into practice to get rid of a toxic person is to progressively reduce contact with that individual, in those interactions that are not very important due to the context.
In cases where it is essential to see that person every day, because they are a close family member or a co-worker, we can divert our attention to other topics and present as little attention as possible to their presence, avoiding direct confrontation to take away the opportunity. to become victimized.
3. Make group plans
If it is impossible to be physically apart from that person, group plans will help us be with more people and dilute the effect of the toxic person included in the plan In addition to that, it will allow us not to have to be alone with that person and to be able to avoid their toxic effect.
We can use this strategy when we share friends or family with the toxic person in question. In addition to that, making group plans will also allow us to focus our attention on the plan, and on other friends or family.
4. Set clear boundaries
Establishing personal limits is also a sign of emotional intelligence and managing emotions in the most problematic relationships. You must make it clear what you do not tolerate in a relationship or conversation. Don’t let the toxic person blur the boundaries you have drawn; Explain them clearly and every time you go through them and ask for explanations, if it is with witnesses, the better. If you decide not to face these types of situations, in a very short time those rules will have disappeared
5. Don’t neglect your self-esteem
It may be that by the time you have decided to free yourself from toxic people, your self-esteem will already be greatly undermined by their influence. If this is the case, it is best that you go to psychotherapy to once again be able to defend your interests and points of view equally.
6. Put the ball in their court
Another useful strategy is to show this disrespect as a sign that the toxic person is not interested in dealing with you. In that case, once she has behaved that way, you have the freedom to ignore her, and if she asks why the change in attitude is due, points out that his actions lead him to think that this is what he wants That way he will be in a position to justify his behavior or accept that you will continue to ignore him.
If you notice that you are emotionally overwhelmed by the challenge of assertively facing that relationship, it may be a good idea to first practice for a couple of weeks your ability to say no to the things that other people ask of you. Going from the easiest to the most difficult, and having given yourself a deadline to intervene in your relationship with the toxic person, you will experience very rapid progress
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