We could define trust as that expectation that we place in something or someone in the hope that it will respond as we expect. It is that personal and emotional part that we give to a situation or person, and that at the same time, is so valuable and important.
Throughout our lives we have trusted people to whom we have offered the best of ourselves, and sometimes, What we have obtained in return has been disappointments or disillusionments that have caused us pain, a feeling of sadness and emptiness that has led us to live a grieving process by considering a break in the relationship with the person who betrayed us.
What depends on whether we are more or less trusting?
Our past experiences exert an important influence on the trust we are able to place in others The more difference there is between the trust and expectations placed in any type of relationship, and the result we obtain in return, the greater the impact we receive, and therefore, the more intense the negative emotion is.
Betrayal or deception give us a blow of reality that we did not expect, drawing a type of person that is totally unknown to us. We have the feeling that the person we trusted does not exist, since he showed us a face that did not reflect reality.
The more painful our experiences have been, the more difficult it will be for us to trust others later. We activate a kind of self-protection mechanism that It keeps us alert to the people around us and prevents us from making ourselves known to avoid showing what may be our weak or fragile points. We avoid showing our tender and more emotional side, the one that makes us vulnerable to others, in order to avoid going through the same process again.
What to do with trust in personal relationships?
As I explain in the consultation, With trust, we have two options:
Either option is valid, taking into account that in the first of them we are more exposed, but the important thing is not to close in on ourselves. We cannot allow ourselves to become fearful, distrustful and insecure people, as this is very likely to affect our interpersonal relationships and our relationship with the world in general.
How does distrust harm us?
Some of the consequences we suffer living immersed in mistrust are:
1. Poor social environment
Difficulty making or maintaining friendships. Also to establish any type of emotional relationship.
2. Insecurity
Living constantly on alert, even ending up becoming something natural, feeds your insecurity when interacting with the world. You feel vulnerable, fearful, and therefore, you lose the ability to maintain control of situations and appear confident in yourself. You must know and be clear that No one will cross your red lines if you are able to set limits
Those who live on alert and distrustful will tend to distort reality, judging the behavior of certain people or understanding any comment as an attack or threat. They are especially susceptible people who will analyze in detail everything that surrounds them, trying to find deception or manipulation. This pushes them to be unhappy people and to continually experience negative feelings that prevent them from moving forward and living new experiences.
4. Coldness
We can project an image of hardness, coldness or insensitivity that provokes the rejection of others when in reality, we are capable of feeling and empathizing, it is just that we distance people from us because of those barriers and personal limitations created by fears derived from bad experiences in the past.
We believe that by building layers and layers like onions, we will be able to better control our emotions We are convinced that if we do not give others the opportunity to know us in depth, we will always be in control of personal relationships and they will never be able to harm us. This is far from reality.
5. Obsessive or toxic behaviors
In specific cases, such as infidelity, the fact of having suffered such betrayal of the trust placed in the partner produces in us the urgent need to, in order to trust again, carry out behaviors that are toxic for both parties, such as, for example, control the couple’s entrances and exits, monitor the mobile phone, check that it is really where it says it is, or that he goes out with the friends he says he has. This can be extrapolated to other types of relationships.
It is important to know yourself, to know what our limits are, show them without fear, make sure they are respected and separate those who have already betrayed us once. Knowing that we are capable of resolving any conflict that comes our way, of overcoming heartbreak, of relating to the world using all our senses and emotions freely. Only in this way can we continue to be authentic, be able to trust again and open ourselves to new opportunities by delivering our best version.
