In Spain more than 4 million people live alone Some have the support and company of family and friends, others are completely alone.
Many of these people are used to facing their daily lives alone, solving problems on their own and finding the support they need in their own inner strength: they have learned to deal with loneliness in their most difficult moments. In this point, we have to differentiate the chosen singleness and solitude from the supervening since having voluntarily chosen this way of life clearly reduces the inconveniences that loneliness could have.
The worries and whirlwind of everyday life often keep them entertained and oblivious to their loneliness at least until the holidays, their birthday or Christmas arrive and they can no longer help but focus on themselves and look at themselves. inside. Then, they could experience deep loneliness, a feeling of abandonment and helplessness that prevents them from enjoying happy experiences and condemns them to withdraw into themselves.
We tend to associate loneliness with people who are alone, those who don’t have family or a group of friends to lean on. However, loneliness can affect anyone The fact that families are getting smaller and daily life consumes a lot of time in responsibilities limits the time you can spend with other people. Thus, little by little, you can be left alone or leave someone around you alone. Then loneliness appears, that feeling of emptiness that consumes the will to live and prevents us from fully enjoying small pleasures.
It should be noted that, by itself, loneliness is not necessarily negative ; In some cases it can be an opportunity to connect with yourself and rediscover yourself. However, the truth is that most people who feel or are alone experience negative feelings, feel uncomfortable, empty, and are often overcome with great sadness. They are afraid of being alone, they feel abandoned and this affects not only their emotional well-being but also their self-esteem and self-worth, in short, their quality of life.
Mired in an unpleasant feeling of helplessness, Many people who feel or are alone lose hope and their meaning in life, which brings with it their motivation, interest and enthusiasm for both the simplest things and the truly important things. Sometimes, they may even have suicidal ideas. The problem is that these feelings only accentuate their loneliness and discomfort. This is a negative loop in which loneliness begets more loneliness.
Without a doubt, feeling alone and dealing with all these sensations can be difficult to cope with, especially when the holidays, Christmas or any other holiday is approaching when it is common to get together with loved ones. However, it is important to keep in mind that, in the end, loneliness is not born from physical distance or lack of social relationships but from a perceived feeling, a mental state, and therefore can be modified.
Enjoying the holidays alone is possible
Loneliness does not necessarily have to be negative or harmful. Sometimes It can become an opportunity to look inside ourselves and rethink the things we really enjoy. Sometimes, being alone during the holiday season, without having to explain things to anyone or give in to the stereotypes and beliefs that surround us, can be valuable as it helps us enjoy the things we really want. Therefore, whether you live in mandatory or voluntary solitude, you should know that there are some keys that can help you enjoy your favorite holidays alone:
1. Pamper yourself and dedicate yourself to distractions
We tend to have a preconceived idea of what holidays, Christmas or parties in general should be like. We tend to associate these events with celebrations in which music, dancing, good food and laughter take precedence. However, this is really just one of the many ways you can enjoy a holiday. You can too take advantage of these events to pamper yourself, distract yourself and enjoy those small pleasures that you always delay because you have something pending. Treat yourself to a good book. Enjoy a movie that excites you. Prepare yourself a delicious dinner. Listen to your favorite music at full volume. Plan the trip of your dreams. Take advantage of the opportunity that this holiday gives you to think about yourself, take care of yourself and have good experiences.
2. Define a plan
Most people who know they will spend a celebration alone do not have a clear plan. Many prefer to organize their days on the fly while others plan them at the last minute. However, have a plan for the next celebrations Not only will it give you extra motivation and excitement, but it will encourage you to enjoy the festivities when the time comes. This is because, when you have a plan, you are sending your brain the message that there are things you have to do where your role is important, which will not only make you feel better but will improve your self-esteem and emotional well-being. . In addition, it is a good strategy to keep sadness and feelings of abandonment at bay.
Did you know that practicing gratitude reduces the feeling of loneliness? This has been demonstrated by a study by the Sapienza University of Rome, in which it was found that It is a good remedy to promote happiness and improve satisfaction with life
Therefore, a good strategy to combat loneliness during the holidays is to reflect on the main things you are grateful for in life. It is a simple exercise that will not erase your sorrows in a blur, but it will help you focus on the most positive things, helping you value all the reasons you have to enjoy those celebrations.
4. Regulate your expectations
One of the most common problems that people who face the holidays alone often have to deal with are their high expectations. Thinking that you will enjoy the next Christmas the same way you experienced your childhood Christmases or that your next solo vacation will be the best you have ever had in your life…can add extra tension to the experience and prevent you from focusing on really enjoying the moment.
Keep in mind that each moment in life is unique, and this does not mean that it is better or worse, but simply different from everything else. Therefore, a fundamental strategy to enjoy a celebration or any other moment alone is to face it without predetermined expectations or ideas. Focus on living in the present moment without further ado. Only then can you focus on creating that moment and enjoying it intensely.
5. Reprogram your internal dialogue
It’s easy to wallow in your loneliness and let sadness wash over you if you let negative thoughts take control. When you are in the middle of the storm it is difficult to glimpse the sun. That’s why, It is important to avoid those catastrophic thoughts that worsen your mood and they prevent you from enjoying those celebrations. Instead of thinking “It’s so sad to spend these holidays alone” or “It’s going to be a really boring holiday” you can change those thoughts to “I’m going to enjoy this holiday in a different way” or “This Christmas I’m going to pamper myself.” This change in your internal dialogue will help you feel less alone at this time and will keep you away from pessimism and sadness.
The holidays are not all joy, they also evoke the memory of those happy moments from the past and the people who are no longer with you, while they can be a reminder of those plans or dreams that were never fulfilled. However, Thinking about these things will only increase your feeling of sadness and loneliness It is also not a good idea to focus on the groups of friends or families around you when you travel alone or enjoy the typical Christmas movie with everyone gathered around the bonfire. This type of experience can add fuel to the fire and make you nostalgic and melancholic, therefore, it is better to avoid them.
7. Take the opportunity to experience new things
Parties or vacations don’t have to be boring, too They can be an excuse to discover and experience new things that motivate you. Trying a dish from another culture, visiting a new destination or listening to a music group you don’t know can be a good idea to enjoy the festivities in a different way. This will not only help you expand your mind and open yourself to new experiences, but it will make you feel less alone. At the end of the day, loneliness is a mental issue that you can control.
Remember that loneliness is not a negative state in itself, it can also become a perfect excuse to look back at yourself and start enjoying life as you really want. Therefore, instead of assuming it with sadness and pain, focus on enjoying the most special days of the year by focusing on yourself.
However, if you feel lonely, what is called “unwanted loneliness”, remember that there are many social resources to support people who live alone, and that if this becomes suffering, it is advisable to resort to support. psychological to interpret loneliness in a useful and healthy way.
