Guilty Victim: Why Does Guilt Arise In Those Who Are Attacked?
Why does society usually swap roles where the victim becomes the abuser and the abuser becomes the victim? The victim’s feeling of guilt is directly proportional to the offender’s degree of guilt. But why?
This tendency to blame the victim occurs because we often think that they have done something to deserve what happened to them. Victim-blamers are often afraid of being abused, and by blaming the victim, they feel good because it creates the feeling that the consequences are fair and consistent; At the same time, it conveys to us the idea that it is in our hands to avoid any type of abuse.
This attitude can cause a lot of confusion and pain for the victim and those around them Furthermore, in this way, responsibility is diverted from the aggressor.
This same attitude of denying and victimizing the aggressor and blaming the victim tells us of someone who is immature and can make us even more vulnerable to different types of abuse by believing that they can be avoided with different attitudes.
It is very difficult to accept that “something bad” can happen to an innocent person, someone who did nothing and the panic arises that then it can happen to ourselves at any time and under any circumstances.
And in the same way, those who have already suffered some type of abuse, usually they feel guilty for not having prevented the abuse , and they look for a logical explanation as to why they were treated like this, since this trauma is not treated, they tend to judge the victim first. We tend to blame the victim because we need to explain why. On the other hand, we want to excuse the abuser because we are afraid that such a violent person exists.
These violent people are very difficult to detect , they are normally very charming, and this does not fit with the behavior for which they are blamed, since the aggressor himself denies all responsibility for the conflict or excuses himself by saying that he is the victim of the circumstances. In the same way, if we know the abuser, we are afraid of not being able to detect and prevent his behavior. Or if we have detected his behavior and not have warned the victim or we have been his victim. We prefer to unconsciously blame the victim to avoid all those thoughts.
This feeling of guilt is a way of manipulation that the abuser has so that the victim does not tell, does not report, remains silent enduring this abuse. Thus, combined with emotional dependence and guilt, they help the victim not to want to distance themselves from their aggressor and continue with the relationship. The aggressor makes the victim feel guilty, since he conveys the idea that he could not exist without his existence and thus continues to make the victim feel responsible for everything that happened.
Guilt also arises from the feeling of having allowed what happened, for not having been able to prevent it, reinforcing society’s unfounded accusation towards the victim.
How to react?
Firstly, it is not to judge the situation, The reality is that situations are usually not under our control Victims are terrified and traumatized by the abuse so seeking an explanation and a culprit can affect the victim even more. Sometimes just listening and accompanying is the best we can do, as acquaintances of the victim.
Provide psychological and legal help for the victim, so that a criminal does not go unpunished (it is known that normally an abuser, once the act has been accomplished, can carry out it several more times with multiple victims or with the same one.)
If I know the abuser
In cases like this, we basically must:
If I am the victim…
First of all, know that you are not to blame. All the fear, shame, helplessness and guilt is part of the abuse ; Those emotions cloud your thoughts toward others. It is very important to report the aggressor so that he does not act again. In the same way, take care of yourself psychologically. To overcome and be able to move forward.
Accept that it was something that was out of your hands and that you did everything you could to defend yourself at the time; Since when you leave that circle of violence you can realize that there are different solutions, but within this situation or relationship where one was abused, the person really does what he has in his possibilities. Don’t fall into “he would have”, and move on.
The responsibility of the victim is often ignored for the pain and suffering of this But we must emphasize that it also gives the victim some peace of mind. It is a very painful situation and we do not want to think about it again, but ignoring the facts is not going to change them. Reporting is very important to prevent the victim from being abused again and to prevent the offender from abusing other people.
