Depression Due To Breakup: What It Is, Symptoms, Causes And What To Do
Living as a couple is an experience that can be extremely rewarding. However, love and relationships are also complex, and it is likely that on more than one occasion things will not work out and the relationship will finally come to an end.
The end of a relationship is something that usually generates great pain and sadness, to the point that often people report having depression due to the breakup But, although obviously the experience is not (as a general rule) rewarding and it is common for there to be similar symptoms… does breakup depression really exist? Why is it usually considered as such? Can depression arise for this reason? How to try to combat it? Let’s see it throughout this article.
Before starting to assess the possible emotional reactions that may arise after suffering a breakup, it is worth commenting first of all what we are talking about when we refer to depression. This is necessary, given that normative reactions or even moods in which sadness abounds but that do not meet the criteria to become true depression are often taken for depression.
It is called major depression one of the most frequent and prevalent mental disorders worldwide which is characterized by the presence of a sad mood and/or the lack of ability to perceive gratification or pleasure, even from those activities that previously excited us.
In addition to these symptoms, the presence of a strong hopelessness about the future, feelings of guilt and worthlessness (which can even be delusional), extreme passivity, tendency to isolate, sleep problems, loss of appetite and weight, loss of energy and fatigue, physical and mental slowing, concentration problems, psychomotor agitation and thoughts of death and suicide.
These symptoms, and especially the first two, are present for most of the day on almost every day for at least two weeks and cannot be due to substance use or other disorders such as the presence of psychotic problems.
Some of these symptoms may arise in response to specific situations, specifically sadness, problems with concentration or loss of weight, appetite and sleep. But as a general rule they are not considered part of major depression. unless they exceed the normal reaction to the loss involved in this case the cessation of the relationship.
Depression due to breakup
There is no doubt that a breakup is an experience that can be painful and even traumatic depending on the circumstances surrounding it. Especially if it is not mutually agreed upon and one of them wants to continue with the relationship And although the situation is usually very painful for the person dumped, it can also be difficult for the dumper. In most cases it generates great sadness, suffering and doubts, as well as a loss of desire to do things and an increased tendency to isolate oneself.
Now, it must be taken into account that There is no “breakup depression” as a diagnostic label In fact, although there are depressions that are reactive to certain events and a breakup can be a trigger for major depression, in most cases what we experience is a grieving process.
That is to say, Mostly we are dealing with something normal and not pathological, since we have just suffered a loss of something that we had until now and that was initially important to us. And said grief may require a long process to reach acceptance of said breakup, in which you can go through different phases.
In this sense, it is common that after the breakup we first go through a stage of denying the new situation, in which We do not experience any emotional reaction to the breakup because we have not processed it as something real
Subsequently, a phase of anger arising from frustration may appear, in which anger and guilt may appear towards oneself or the other person, or it may even be directed towards the rest of the world even if it has nothing to do with the situation. .
A phase of negotiation may appear, searching for alternatives on a mental level, thinking about what could have been changed in the situation so that the breakup did not occur, or even attempts to get the person back.
After this would come the depressive phase, which would be what the population most commonly considers as “breakup depression”: in this phase we may experience sadness, lack of desire to do things, fatigue and apathy, ruminative thoughts about the other. person, sleep problems or lack of appetite.
Finally, The last phase would be acceptance: Little by little we end up processing and accepting that we will have to live our lives without the other person being in it as a couple. Over time, the pain of the breakup subsides and with this, energy is recovered and the grief is overcome.
It is convenient let some time pass before seeing our ex-partner again so that we can separate what this person means to us (if the breakup was positive, it is possible to maintain a certain relationship and even become friends again, although it is recommended that this not be attempted until much later) from what a time it was.
When does this disorder appear?
Although, as we have said, in most cases we are facing a normative process of mourning, typical of the loss of the type of relationship we had with that person, the truth is that There are times when we can develop true depression This occurs when the grieving process does not end, so that the sufferer cannot reach the acceptance phase and overcome their discomfort.
Specifically, we would be talking about reactive or situational depression, or an adjustment disorder with depressive features (although it can also present with anxiety or in a mixed way), in which depressive and/or anxious symptoms are manifested derived from a specific experience that we are not able to overcome and without which the problem would not exist.
This alteration generates great dysfunction in different areas. In fact, the condition could end up turning into major depression, becoming a trigger for it.
Although determining an approximate date to overcome a grief is somewhat artificial (we each have our own rhythm to overcome things), we can suspect the existence of depression caused by the breakup when after this event our mood is sad most of the day on most days, we suffer from severe sleep disturbances (insomnia or excessive sleepiness), slowed speech and thinking, low self-esteem, and hopelessness about the future.
The presence of cognitive distortions that perpetuate discomfort is also common and includes an aversive view of oneself, the world and the future, feelings of uselessness, inability to make decisions or carry out day-to-day activities, avoidance of the discomfort and pain generated by the breakup (sometimes with extreme or compulsive behaviors, such as compulsive search for sexual relations or drug use), extreme isolation and/or thoughts of death and suicide, among others.
Although many of these alterations also occur during grief, it will be in depression when they are most extreme, intense and accentuated. Furthermore, in depression these symptoms do not calm down over time but rather remain, or you can even see how they intensify as time passes.
To do? Guidelines to overcome sadness
Overcoming the pain of the breakup has its process and must be respected, but in this development we can incorporate different types of strategies to prevent psychological pain from becoming chronic or the grief may turn into something more serious and even depression.
Try to practice pleasant activities
When we are depressed or even during periods of grief, it is normal that the desire to do things may be reduced. Now, even if it costs us, we must force ourselves to look for gratifications and things that motivate us If necessary, something seemingly as simple as taking a walk looking for a single stimulus or positive element to remember.
We can also try to explore and discover new activities and places. Just because the other person is not in our life does not mean that we cannot enjoy it.
Lean on your loved ones and avoid isolating yourself
Another common element when we are sad or depressed is the tendency to isolate ourselves or want to be alone. The truth is that this can be quite harmful, since perpetuates the feeling of abandonment and loneliness and makes it difficult to overcome the breakup. It is much more advisable to allow ourselves to lean on those around us. It is also important to be able to vent and express our feelings, doubts and fears (however, without doing it constantly or otherwise it can generate rejection).
Lack of sleep and sufficient nutrients makes recovery much more difficult, both in depression due to a breakup and in any other psychological mood disorder.
Even if we don’t have an appetite, we must try to force ourselves to eat in a healthy and balanced way. When it comes to sleeping, it is recommended try to plan your sleep times and prepare a scenario that allows us to relax. The practice of relaxation techniques is also recommended.
Value your thoughts, beliefs and demands
When a relationship breaks up, different types of beliefs and thoughts can arise. It is advisable to try to review them objectively, without evaluating them or judging them. It is also useful ask if there is any alternative interpretation
Aspects such as what having a partner entails, what we demand from others and from ourselves (sometimes we have excessive and unrealistic self-demands or demands) and what self-image we have are elements to analyze.
Don’t avoid the pain
A common mistake that almost all of us make in these types of situations is trying to avoid the pain we feel, often actively.
While distraction can be helpful at certain times, the truth is that it is actually much more efficient to allow yourself to feel the pain and discomfort in such a way. that the situation can be processed both cognitively and emotionally On the other hand, it is not about enjoying and indulging in pain (something that would also be harmful), but rather about allowing yourself to feel the suffering and not deny it.
do sports
Sport is a very healthy practice, which has also been found to be useful in helping to combat mood symptoms. A useful strategy would be to try to increase the level of exercise we do, something that in the long run generates an increase in endorphins that can help us get out of discomfort.
Get professional help
Although grief generally does not require professional treatment, if it becomes chronic and especially if it transforms into depression, it may be necessary. ask for help from a psychotherapy specialist
It may be beneficial to follow some type of therapy or psychological treatment in which aspects such as self-esteem, the practice of pleasant activities or the modification of cognitive biases and dysfunctional beliefs, among others, are worked on. Sometimes a prescription by a psychiatrist of some type of antidepressant or anxiolytic may also be necessary, although rather as support in the process and not as the sole treatment in itself.
