Something that experience teaches is that relationships are not so much based on finding the right person as on learning to relate in a healthy way with those who love us. It is unrealistic to think that those courtships that work are those made up of lovers who fit in in all aspects (the myth of the better half); What actually happens is that Their habits reinforce that emotional bond every day
It’s not about the essence of each one, it’s about the way we interact. For example, even the most intense love fades if it is not communicated, and if coexistence does not serve to express that affection.
So, everything depends on our actions, not our identity. But… What are those habits that define strong couples? Let’s see it in the next lines.
What we have to do to lead a fluid life as a couple without necessary complications goes, precisely, through not to confuse our partner with that platonic love that we have been fantasizing about for years (many times, even from childhood). Being clear about this, and avoiding essentialisms, is the first step to building a worthwhile relationship. At the end of the day, using someone as a representation of something we want to love even if it doesn’t exist hurts us both.
This seems very obvious if we see it written down, but in real life it is more difficult to discern those situations in which we fall into this error. For example, preferentially wanting to date people who have very specific physical traits is an example of platonic love in a weak version: we like the idea of dating someone with dreadlocks so much that we even use this as a filtering mechanism.
However, once we have understood that the important thing is in the actions and not in the labels, there is still work to do. In fact, the most important thing is missing: knowing what are those habits that strengthen relationships. Sometimes, these customs will already appear naturally in some relationships, while In others it is necessary to make some efforts to implement them
The habits of strong relationships
To make the most of the development possibilities of a relationship, and at the same time allow it to take deep roots, it may be useful to follow the guidelines that you will see below.
1. Symmetry in conversations
For a relationship to flow well, it is necessary to talk regularly, since this offers the possibility of peering through a window into the other’s thoughts and, ultimately, of knowing their opinions, fears and hopes in real time, and empathizing better. However, this dialogue must be symmetrical. That is to say, It is not enough to just talk or listen, you have to do both
It is clear that there is no exact fit, and there will always be one person who is more likely to speak than the other; The important thing is to avoid situations in which the role of one of the members of the couple is reduced to that of passive listener, a simple means to vent.
2. Don’t give up your social life
Forgetting old friends when you have a partner is common, but that doesn’t mean it’s positive. Going out and having fun in circles of lifelong friends is a perfect way to enrich relationships, since it allows us to know facets of the person we love that were not revealed in the context of courtship or marriage.
On the other hand, locking oneself in a relationship is not positive either, since it makes it easier to create mutual dependency: since both people have broken the ties that united them to their friends, the fear that the relationship will end can take control of their lives. the situation, since in that case I would be in a situation of social isolation
3. Express love
This is basic. There are people who, because of the way they learn to behave or because of the culture in which they have lived for most of their lives, They tend to avoid expressing what they feel
In these cases, it is common for them to justify this position by thinking that the important thing is that love is something that is carried inside and that is not taught, since doing so would be considered trivializing. However, this is a mistake, since the other person does not have access to those “depths” of the mind of the being they love, no matter how much they are in love with them.
4. Constantly practice mutual respect
Another habit of strong and consolidated relationships has to do with acting in accordance with the level of respect you feel for the other; Neither humor nor “games” justify, for example, the habit of always playing jokes on the other person, or ridiculing the way they express their emotions.
Relationships should be a context in which we can communicate emotions and feelings without fear of being judged and no matter how much these may be disguised as a “joke” or raw honesty, that does not mean that in practice they serve as a lesson.
All of the above is of no use if the body asks to break the monotony and the fact of being with someone anchors us in the same place. Even if we decide to sacrifice that possibility to make the relationship continue along its usual channels, in the end the frustration can overwhelm us.
That’s why it’s healthy to assume that a relationship is not the usual place where two people interact; It is the interaction itself, regardless of where it takes place. Rejecting the myth according to which life as a couple consists of having a house, car, dog and children (as if they were elements of a landscape) is the first step; the second is live adventures together from time to time and, above all, move.
6. Share household chores
This detail seems banal compared to the rest, but it is not. The belief in the equality of the members of the couple is demonstrated by betting on an equal distribution of household chores which in the case of heterosexual relationships, usually consist of the woman being in charge of doing most of them.
