The Age Difference As A Factor Of Abuse In Relationships: What Does Psychology Say?
Power relationships are defined as relationships based on a notable inequality of factors such as power, control or authority, generally derived from the difference in age, knowledge and experience In this type of relationship, it is common for one of the individuals to exercise dominance and control over the other person involved. These types of relationships are abusive, and therefore harmful, to a greater extent, to the one who is subjected and controlled.
They can be identified in various contexts: personal, work, political or social. This article will address the characteristics and consequences of abusive power relationships as a couple.
However, The worrying thing about this type of abusive relationship is its normalization and romanticization in today’s society, being the main factors why this type of abusive relationship generally goes unnoticed There are many opportunities for disadvantage that can arise in a relationship based on control, manipulation and dominance over the other, as mentioned, they generally occur due to the difference in age, maturity, resources, experience or knowledge of some aspect. that serves to put pressure on the other person.
Relationships must be based on respect, mutual admiration, love, passion and assertive communication so that they can develop appropriately, since the main intention of a relationship is attraction and the idea of sharing moments. of life with that chosen person.
When the foundations on which a relationship develops are altered by one of the parties, it can become an abusive relationship, such as power relationships. While it is true that not all relationships based on a certain power difference are bad, as they could be in the workplace or political sphere where leadership must be accentuated; couple relationships that have these bases are, due to their nature
The origin of an abusive relationship is the exercise of violence, whether physical, psychological, verbal or sexual, on the other party involved. The above means that these relationships can develop and become abusive in any context and as a result of any noticeable difference; For example, in a relationship between a man and a woman, where there is a notable age difference, a factor from which other more important differences would arise such as maturity, purchasing power, roles in the relationship, experience and physical strength, to mention a few.
Once the power relationships are defined, let’s talk about their consequences and delve into what they look like. The manipulation and dominance present in relationships can be identified externally by certain attitudes of the couple, whether together or separately In particular, there are controlling attitudes that are evident when these people relate to others together. Such attitudes can be scenes of jealousy, passive-aggressive comments based on distrust, verbal manipulation by the dominant over a situation to exert control over the dominated, humiliation on the part of the controller, constant fights where the attacked is always the same, etc.
There are attitudes that can be present only in intimacy, that is, when there is no one outside the relationship; These attitudes, in general, are the most harmful and aggressive, these may seem harmless because they are not directly loaded with hostility and aggressiveness. Therefore, they are manipulative attitudes that go unnoticed and little by little generate absolute control over the life of the dominated.
An abusive power relationship can be clearly identified if there is a noticeable difference in some factor and if there are attitudes on the part of any of those involved that exercise some power of control due to the way in which they develop, the part involved that is controlled is not usually aware of the control under which it is found, since it has been manipulated and forced to accept multiple behaviors that it would not accept consciously.
Due to this same lack of control and knowledge about the true nature of their relationship, they are harmful or emotionally exhausting relationships, to a greater extent, given that there is not always physical or verbal aggression, but control over the other is always present, not to mention that the A person under this influence feels a constant burden of wanting to please others or the fear of losing them.
The most important risk factor in the development of these relationships, in addition to the presence of such differences and their mis “use”, is the romanticization that currently occurs around almost any type of abusive relationship. Today’s society has made progress regarding the values and foundations that healthy relationships should have; However, there is strong misinformation regarding many topics that cover this type of relationships
The main factors that lead people to think that an abusive power relationship is romantic are related to the belief that control is a sign of love, passion and protection. Belief that is born and is influenced by the media, songs, movies, series, books and stories in which a relationship is glorified where one party clearly exercises disproportionate control over the other party.
The main factors that lead to the romanticization of this are: the challenge generated by the idea of conquering someone of whom you have an ideal due to the notorious difference and believing you know how to cope with it, the erroneous perception of protection that someone with such characteristics could provide , the emotional intensity that is believed to exist when there is too much control over one is generally associated as a sign that the controlling person values the controlled person too much.
From the latter arise all the consequences of these relationships, to a greater or lesser extent depending on the level of control and difference that exists in it, but present during and after the relationship As already mentioned, they can be seen in different ways and control can be passive or aggressive, this will define the consequences that will arise from the relationship.
These consequences are: mental health problems derived from manipulation, constant psychological and emotional abuse, social isolation generated by control and manipulation over the couple’s life, damage to self-image and self-perception derived from constant criticism of the partner. partner and the need to meet the abuser’s standards, risk of self-harm and suicide derived from the desperation and feeling of entrapment that the relationship generates in the abused, economic dependence as a result of the abuser’s control in personal and professional life, physical damage that is caused by physical abuse (they do not always occur), difficulties in future relationships, these are the main ones.
Conclusions
Finally, it is important to emphasize the damage that these relationships inflict and that their romanticization is based on an erroneous and uninformed view of the psychological, emotional and physical consequences that they entail Abusive relationships are toxic and must be identified in order to escape, with or without help, the cycle of violence in which one lives.
It is also very true that no one teaches us how to relate, namely, how to have healthy relationships or at least the most accurate ones possible, in all our circles, that is, in the family environment, in our circle of friends or colleagues and much less in couple relationships, I believe that from early childhood if we focused on addressing the importance of knowing how to relate, couple relationships will be different.
