shame is emotion What we feel when we show something about ourselves that we believe is not acceptable to others. However, it is for myself that it is not.
When we feel ashamed We are telling ourselves in many different ways: “don’t show this about yourself or they will reject you”, “let them not see that or they will think badly”, “hide the other thing or they will not love you”, etc. In reality, we don’t know what is acceptable, valuable, kind to the people around me. We cannot read their thoughts or guess how they will react in the immediate future. However, we make a prediction, a divination to prevent being rejected. My forecast is based, not on the unknown criteria of the person in front of me, but on the judgments that I myself make about each aspect of my person.
What can I do to reduce the times I feel ashamed?
1. Get out of your comfort zone
Learn to dance; when you know how to dance, learn to cook; then, improve my appearance; then take language classes; of course, retrain myself to be a better professional and so on, until I am the perfect person that I think anyone would be delighted to meet.
Make everyone think that I am great in all my aspects. That is precisely what shame aims to do, show my “good” face and hide the “bad”. This option would not reduce it much, quite the opposite.
3. Stop judging yourself
Realize that the judgments I hear in my head do not come from the power of reading the thoughts of others but from my own judgment and evaluation. In other words, take responsibility for the way I judge myself so that I have the power to change those negative evaluations Taking responsibility for something that depends on me is a way to increase my decision-making power and, therefore, my freedom to introduce changes in my life and my environment.
4. Change your perspective
Once I have put option number 3 into practice, I can change my judgments about myself, beginning to positively value my “defects” and “weaknesses.” It has been shown that defects and weaknesses seen in one way can be considered virtues and strengths from another point of view. Dare to change your perspective. Maybe it doesn’t need to be said but shame It is one of those strengths that can seem like a weakness to us. You could say that this emotion has the function of protecting us from being rejected by others. It is appreciated to be able to count on it while we do not have other tools at our disposal.
In conclusion, I consider that shame, despite being a useful emotion on many occasions, is a unpleasant emotion which is convenient to let appear in its proper measure. If I love myself, I will be able to take the freedom to show myself as I am and I will not feel afraid of not being accepted. I will think that I am worthy of being loved by others just as I value myself. A strong and well-built self-esteem protects me from the judgments of others and the fear of not being loved just as I am.
