If there is one aspect of our emotional lives that arouses as many passions as the first days of a relationship, it is those moments in which we realize that we have not gotten over the breakup with an ex-partner and we are plagued by doubts about whether to contact her again or not.
And although in most romantic films the separation between what is good and what is bad appears clearly drawn, real life is much more complicated.
In fact, unrealistic ideas about what a truly loving relationship is like lead many people to assume that give second chances to failed relationships, no matter how badly they ended.
Why it is better not to resume contact with ex-partners
Although in theory all people have the ability to overcome relationship breakups, in practice not everyone has the time or energy to do so. That is why, in most cases, the temptation to reconnect with an old partner usually generates problems.
Although there is nothing wrong in itself in talking to or reuniting with an “ex”, it is advisable to do this when the emotional grieving process has been completely overcome. Below you can read the top 4 reasons why it is better not to contact an ex-partner again
1. It is impossible to start from scratch
Making contact with ex-partners is characterized by the frustration of aspiring to that state of illusion of the first days and not achieving it. One thing must be clear: once a relationship has ended, even if contact is resumed, nothing will be the same again, for better or worse. We can’t just choose to forget everything that happened and attempts at self-deception to cover up these events often generate emotional crises at the most inopportune moments.
For example, although one tries to cover a veil of ignorance about the past and make it look like nothing bad has happened between us and the ex-partner, if from the beginning one of the parties has the feeling of being indebted to the other, or one believes that the other owes him something, those feelings will sooner or later surface; indirectly at the beginning, and quite clearly at the end.
2. Constant painful reminders
The only thing that prevents all human beings from being deeply unhappy is that they know how to manage their focus of attention so that they are not constantly directing it towards sad or traumatic memories.
But this is not something that depends only on the willpower of each person. The environment in which we live, and specifically the type of elements with which we surround ourselves, have an effect on what we think about If we live surrounded by death, we will think about it more, and if we live in regular contact with an ex-partner, more occasions will be created in which, without intending to, we will end up thinking about that relationship and what made it fail.
That is why, unless we have completely overcome the breakup we do not create the conditions conducive for thoughts about separation to assail us suddenly.
3. Frustration mixes with fantasies
This drawback has to do with the previous two. If there is something that can cause as much pain as living a relationship in which everything is bitter, it is living one in which frustration is mixed with fantasies about what a reality would be like in which the problems with the ex-partner have disappeared. .
And being in contact with people with whom we had a romantic love story in the past brings back both very good and very bad memories. The latter are part of the conflicts that will possibly appear while the former tempt us to try to relive what we sometimes confuse with the present: fantastic moments that we experience more through what we would like it to be than through honesty.
4. Close the way to new opportunities
Many times, the desire to have contact with the ex-partner again is, basically, an element of distraction. Sometimes the possibility of having a romantic relationship with that person again makes us concentrate on these types of fantasies and let’s miss opportunities to start more functional and exciting relationships
In fact, sometimes the simple fact of idealizing the return to contact with the ex-partner makes the idea of starting a relationship with a different person produce feelings of guilt, even if one has never “returned” with them. that old couple.
In these cases it is assumed that we are predestined to resume that failed relationship, although there are no objective reasons to believe that. It is a highly dysfunctional belief that in the long term does not satisfy any of the parties and that can even harm third parties, since they receive contradictory signals: sometimes we seem interested in these people and sometimes we seem to reject them completely.
