In most cases, the importance that getting divorced has for us is that it represents the end of one of the stages of life, and the beginning of something new. Could this be a good stage for us that is about to come? That depends, in large part, on how we emotionally manage the end of that marriage.
In this article we will talk about the psychological keys to facing a divorce in the best possible way ; not to completely avoid the discomfort that it may cause us, but to contribute to our emotional well-being to the extent possible, and without falling into harmful or even self-destructive dynamics in what can be experienced as a life crisis.
We often assume that divorce is always a very emotionally painful experience, in some cases even traumatic. Is this necessarily the case in all cases? The truth is that it doesn’t have to.
For some people, divorce is the final stage of a relationship so unhealthy that it is, in fact, good news. It is even possible to see situations in which both people welcome the divorce from an attitude of mutual understanding and cooperation (something that can occur if there were no cases of abuse in the relationship but rather the discomfort was generated by incompatibilities).
Now, it is very important to keep in mind that We are not able to directly and totally control the way a divorce makes us feel This means that it is just as legitimate to experience emotional pain when getting divorced as it is to feel joy, relief, or any other form of pleasant mood.
If there is something that we can call a “good divorce”, this is not feeling any mood associated with discomfort, since this is something that does not depend entirely on us. It has to do with the way in which we manage the emotions that arise in us once we are aware that we are going to experience a divorce firsthand. The key idea here is to avoid self-sabotaging dynamics, those that only serve to wear us out psychologically and generate unnecessary conflicts.
Keys to psychologically managing a divorce process
To deal with a divorce in the best possible way, keep these tips in mind.
1. Avoid the fight of egos
If you assume that the other person feels a fundamental desire to harm you or to see you fall apart emotionally, you will be unwittingly contributing to that idea becoming a reality, even if it was not like that at the beginning, given that You will damage the relationship through your hostile attitude. Don’t fall into the trap of the “self-fulfilling prophecy” and assume that, if there are certain clashes of interests or conflicts in the divorce, these do not have to be the result of an attempt to make you unhappy.
In a divorce you should not play any role; You simply have to look after your well-being without depending on expectations or gender roles. Act according to your values, but without trying to “represent” something.
3. Don’t act as if everything depended on avoiding that discomfort
Even when we are going through a divorce, we are much more than a person who is getting divorced During those days or weeks, the legal dissolution of the marriage may occupy much of our attention, but we are still human beings with the full capacity to experience the rest of the aspects of life.
So don’t assume that your priority is to avoid the discomfort generated by divorce (if that’s how you feel). That’s not the only aspect of everyday life that involves you, your ability to be happy is still there and doesn’t just depend on how you experience that; Wellbeing is a global phenomenon that feeds into all facets of your life. So, instead of trying to “block” painful thoughts, keep experimenting and taking advantage of the opportunities that life gives you to start projects, develop stimulating skills, get motivated by something, etc.
3. Maintain an active social life
Divorce is, in fact, an opportunity to have more time to dedicate to other relationships beyond that marriage that ends Talking to your friends is not only pleasant, it will also help you contrast points of view and avoid strong self-confirmation biases when analyzing what is happening in your life.
4. Avoid having important conversations through text messages
In situations where it is so easy to assume that the other person is being hostile, it is best not to give rise to misunderstandings. Anxiety thrives on ambiguity That’s why important conversations should take place face to face, or at least by phone call.
5. In case you have small children in common, focused on cooperating for their well-being
The little ones can suffer a lot from a divorce if it is not managed well. Furthermore, having your child’s well-being as a shared goal can act as a context to iron out differences.
6. If the situation overwhelms you, attend psychotherapy
If it seems like nothing you do helps you turn the page and you don’t notice any progress in your mood as the weeks go by, It is recommended that you go to psychotherapy
Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?
If you are going through difficult times due to a divorce and are considering starting a psychological therapy process, we invite you to contact us.
In Adhara Psychology We have been offering our services for more than a decade. From a humanistic approach, we serve people of all ages. We work intervening in emotional disturbances, relationship problems, traumas, low self-esteem, and more. The sessions can be done in person at our center located in Madrid, and also through online therapy by video call.
