Prince Charming Syndrome: What It Is And How It Affects Our Relationships
Subjects with Prince Charming syndrome are characterized by persistently searching for the ideal, perfect partner.
We know that looking for a partner is not easy, nor will it be easy to keep one, it is necessary to be flexible, communicate and negotiate to reach an understanding and a point of agreement. But individuals with this type of syndrome show great rigidity and high demands and expectations, a fact that will mean that any trait or behavior that does not conform to what they value as perfect or adequate could be a reason for rejection or breakup.
In this article we will talk about prince charming syndrome we will see how this alteration is defined and what characteristic features the subjects who suffer from it show.
Prince Charming syndrome is characterized by the presence of idealized beliefs about the perfect partner As the name indicates, subjects with this syndrome will look for a prince charming or a princess, a storybook character that is not real. They show, therefore, an obsession with finding a person who is good at everything, who is the best.
It is normal that when we look for a partner there are traits that we value more and are essential, we want to find someone we are attracted to and like. The problem of individuals with this syndrome is that They look for traits of excellence that are unreal We must be aware that no one is perfect and that it is very difficult, if not impossible, for us to find someone with whom we totally connect and like everything about him or her. There will always be some topic, some opinion on which we disagree or do not see the same way.
For this reason, we consider this search for perfection dysfunctional because it really generates discomfort in the subject and does not allow him to develop in an adaptive way.
Prevalence of prince charming syndrome
Prince Charming syndrome is similar to Cinderella syndrome, although the latter is only seen in women. Thus, Prince Charming syndrome can occur in both sexes Both men and women can look for an ideal, perfect partner, although it is true that it is observed more frequently in the population of women.
The prevalence is high, it is estimated that approximately 6 out of 10 women may show this type of beliefs at some point in their lives, although it will be necessary to check their level of functionality and discomfort.
Thus, we will say that The usual profile of the affected subjects is women and they are generally aged over 30 years
Features and symptoms
Now that we know a little better how Prince Charming syndrome is defined, we will mention the main characteristics that individuals who suffer from it show, linked to cognitive, emotional or behavioral traits. In the end, as we have already seen, the problem with this syndrome is that it affects the subject and generates suffering and discomfort for not seeing his or her expectations met.
Therefore, it will be essential work on these irrational beliefs in psychotherapy and give you tools so that you can also control linked behaviors.
1. High demands
One of the most notable characteristics is a high level of demand both when they are looking for a partner and when they are in a relationship period. They are people who look for exceptional qualities in their potential suitors that they stand out in all areas: that they have a good physique, a high intelligence, a good social status, a high economic level… In short, that they are perfect in everything.
Likewise, this demand does not diminish when the relationship begins, they pay attention to any detail, anything that is not what they want or think is correct, they will value it as something very negative and unacceptable. It will be very difficult to contact them, given that the assessment they make is subjective and, as expected, not all of us have the same opinion, nor do we consider the facts in the same way.
2. Brief relationships
Linked to the previous point, High demands on your partner will eventually make you disenchanted and end the relationship, if it is not your partner who gets tired of your demands and decides to break up first. Any small defect or simply aspects that they value as negative will be enough to make them disappointed and decide to end the relationship.
3. Self-sabotage
We can sense a propensity for self-sabotage in the search for a partner, since, although it may seem that their greatest desire is to find someone, we see a continuous search for small details that will lead to the breakup That is to say, they themselves are the ones who do not allow themselves to enjoy relationships, since they will look for any minimal detail that is not to their liking to justify that they should leave their partner.
This obsession with finding the perfect person ends up leading to the search for negative traits that are not liked and that confirm that it is not the ideal subject This is a phenomenon linked to what is known as confirmation bias.
We observe a greater tendency to focus on negative traits, that is, they weigh much more than the positive ones. Even if the subject has many positive characteristics, if he or she shows a small detail that does not match what he or she understands as perfect, it will be reason enough to break up.
5. Negative evaluation of the opposite sex
After a disappointment in love or seeing that no man or woman meets the expectations they seek, they end up believing and expressing that all men or women are equal, showing a low regard for them. We realize how they blame the other person for not being up to par, for not being perfect, without assessing at any time how their behavior has been or what they are like
This external and not internal consideration and assessment and excessive demand favors the negative view of their environment, specifically of the opposite sex.
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6. Bad relationship and abuse with your partner
Intentionally or unconsciously, In cases like this, it is common for psychological abuse to occur between the couple
The high demands and disappointment of not observing what they would like, that is, the experience that their partners are not what these people want, It causes them to express their discontent and criticize their partner on many occasions, even in an unfair and humiliating way They will try to get their partner to change their way of being, their appearance or their way of acting with the intention of making them like them, although this will never happen, since it will never be enough.
In this way, it is very likely that if the other person does not decide to end the relationship and they continue together, their self-esteem will be reduced, showing very low levels and modifying their way of expressing themselves to please their partner. Likewise, the subject with the syndrome will not hesitate to continue looking for the ideal person, and may even approach and act affectionately with other people in front of his or her partner.
Related article: “The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship”
It is also common for the model of the ideal man or woman they seek to be similar to their father or mother Our father or mother are the first references of the opposite sex that we have, and they are also very important figures in our education and upbringing. For this reason it is not surprising that we see in them the perfect model, who show the characteristics that we have been taught as good.
They will therefore seek protection and affection similar to what they can receive from their father or mother, to be treated like princes or princesses of their house.
8. Unrequited relationships
Another characteristic of the relationships established by individuals with Prince Charming syndrome, which ends up having an impact on their well-being, is who frequently “fall in love” or like unattainable people, either because they are famous people, married individuals or because they live very far away. This attraction to difficult-to-reach subjects encourages them to be idealized and valued as perfect individuals, since not having the opportunity to get to know them more makes it difficult for them to detect negative traits.
Thus, this difficulty of establishing a relationship with unreachable subjects or, in the case of being able to maintain a relationship, being considered the lover and not receiving the desired attention, will generate greater discomfort in the patient.
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9. Feeling of loneliness
The impossibility of finding a partner who is perfect and ideal or the difficulty in maintaining relationships generates in subjects with this syndrome a feeling of loneliness and a feeling of emptiness In this way, a point to work on will be to understand that not having a partner does not mean being alone and that we must first be good with ourselves to be able to make our relationships healthy and lasting.
The reason for being with someone should not be to fill the emptiness we feel, it cannot be the reason for our happiness, but first we have to feel fulfilled and happy ourselves to be able to establish a good relationship.
