A conflict is an event or situation where a couple or more people (community, organization, etc.) have different opinions or interests. Many times a conflict can lead to a confrontation, and this, in turn, could generate a problem if an agreement is not reached on both sides.
In this article We will see the common causes why some people tend to avoid conflicts and some strategies to overcome this type of fear
There are many people who avoid facing the conflicts they have with others due to the fear they have at the idea of getting involved in uncomfortable situations that end up generating a problem and not a solution These people tend to think that they can block themselves or make a fool of themselves; That is why they avoid confrontation at all costs.
However, not confronting the fear of conflicts does not make them disappear, nor does it resolve anything; on the contrary, it may make the situation much more complicated. The most common fear we have when facing a conflict is falling into an argument. This can happen if we or other people do not adequately manage our negative emotions such as anger, rage, etc.
1. Insecurities and personal complexes
One of the first reasons why we avoid confronting a person is by our own complexes We think we are going to fail or say something wrong when the time comes and we automatically start thinking negatively, but this only happens in our imagination.
Many people fantasize negatively about their possible actions, which is why they end up not wanting to face the situation and postpone it or prefer to downplay it by minimizing everything.
Another possible cause may be that another person is making us feel inferior by projecting an image of superiority. Many times this projection turns out to be just an erroneous and biased perception of the other because as we know, a human being is not perfect, and most likely that other person also has important weaknesses or deficiencies.
3. Past unpleasant experiences
Finally, it may happen that past experiences that were unfavorable for us due to having high expectations end up making us not want to enter into a confrontation.
It is understandable that this situation ends up making us not want to go through the same situation again, but you have to understand that no one is born learning; Those who best handle conflict situations had to learn by making mistakes, and then, having been more exposed to these situations, they acquired more experience by practicing the activity of asserting their opinions and interests before others more times.
What to do to stop avoiding conflict?
It is very harmful for people, communities or organizations when a conflict is not resolved, since the problems that generate it become bigger and bigger, as well as its negative consequences. If a person does not decide to confront a conflict, it means that there is no annoyance, discomfort, or difference of opinion towards another, giving third parties the freedom to be able to do and undo without doing or saying something about it. And this generates power imbalances that end up entrenched.
It is of utmost importance to have adequate coping with the eventualities that led us towards anger, without falling into avoidance. In this way we will learn to have a correct management of this emotion and express it in a way in accordance with our values and interests. On the contrary, if we do not face these situations, they will end up dominating our behavior in a harmful way.
Firstly, it is essential to know how to manage our emotions in situations that are stressful to us, as this will allow us to face them in a more serene way. For example, learning certain simple relaxation techniques can help us
Likewise, it is important to learn interpersonal skills (empathy, emotional awareness, self-control, negotiation) for conflict management and resolution.
On the other hand, for our interpersonal relationships (family, work, partner, friendships) to be healthy, it is essential to know or learn to lose the fear of facing others in a correct, appropriate and healthy way. And that It is only possible if we leave our comfort zone and we set goals that, going from the easiest to the most difficult, allow us to learn to make ourselves respected.
6 tips to overcome the fear of conflict
In order to put aside fears about the idea of looking conflict situations in the face, it is advisable to use these strategies.
1. In order to face the real problem, it is important to prepare ourselves
Firstly, It is necessary to identify the real problem in order to explain it briefly and simply The explanation must have an argument supported by real situations and emotions must be left aside. It is necessary to have clear real hypotheses of the facts; In this way we will be impartial, managing to identify the real problem.
2. Express what really interests you, without talking about more
It is important to let the other person’s ideas be expressed after you have expressed your point of view of the situation. This way, the other person will know that you also want to understand their argument, and you are willing to respect their turn to have the floor, because sometimes we end up talking too much which ends up damaging the initial and real reason to solve the problem.
Remember that you can express yourself, but be empathetic with the other It is important to use an appropriate tone of voice and words that benefit the construction of a dialogue and not a heated discussion or a fight. Regulating our tone of voice will allow us to avoid a lack of control in the situation.
3. Face your fears and insecurities
Identify if you can really overcome your fears and insecurities on your own; Sometimes we need the help of a psychologist to overcome this situation. If the problem is not so complex for you, Try to objectively identify what prevents you from confronting the conflict situation
Analyze if there really is real evidence that limits or prevents you from having a confrontation with the other person. The more frequent our exposure to these confrontational events, the greater our experience will be in being able to correctly handle the situation.
Related article: “How to get out of your comfort zone? 7 keys to achieve it”
4. Don’t try to be too demanding of yourself
Nobody is born knowing everything, that is why you have to stop being so demanding of yourself. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes and failing when addressing a clash of interests since it is very likely that this experience will later help you know what you need to work on in order to have a satisfactory upcoming confrontation.
5. Stop thinking that confrontation is wrong
Neither good nor bad. This is how we should see conflicts, because it is not a fight of good or evil. It is essential that you begin to understand that confronting your points of view or ideas with others turns out to be a very normal and healthy practice, if you do it constructively. It is for this reason that It is very important that you stop thinking or believing that confronting others is bad You must be clear that your main motivation is to foster a dialogue; In this way you will promote the resolution of conflicts and avoid the appearance of problems that may not even affect only you.
6. It wouldn’t be bad to ask for help
If after trying in several ways you can’t bring yourself to be assertive with one or more people, don’t get anxious or despair. It is important that you understand that there may be other problems or blockages that are preventing you from carrying out this communicative activity of this type. That is why it is important that you go to a clinically oriented psychologist, which, after an evaluation, will determine the areas that you need to work on in psychotherapy. Some people show shyness, an introverted personality, or low self-esteem, among other factors that could be favoring the avoidance of conflict.
