Excessive criticism is related to low self-esteem. A topic with a great social burden in which external success is valued.
Criticism has many weapons. Among the most effective are the values and rules of life that he has had all his life. The criticism has a way of turning his ” you must “against you. You compare his way of being with the way he should be and judge him insufficiently. He calls him stupid if the table he should have prepared for the guests is missing napkins, when that table should have been perfect The rule says: ” A marriage should last forever “, and considers himself a failure after his divorce. Another rule: ” children first“and then calls him selfish for meeting friends for example.
The criticism It is born during their earliest experience of socialization at the hands of your parents. Throughout your childhood your parents teach you what behaviors are acceptable, which are dangerous, which are morally reprehensible, which are praiseworthy, and which cause anger. They do this by hugging and rewarding him for correct behavior and punishing him for dangerous, bad, or annoying behavior. It is impossible to grow without having experienced a large number of punishing situations. These punishment situations have been called ” prohibitive gestures “who are clearly fearful and rejectable. A child whose father slaps or reprimands feels very intensely the withdrawal of parental approval. He is for a moment a bad person.
Consciously or unconsciously, children know that their parents are the source of all their physical and emotional support. If she were to be rejected or marginalized by her family, she would die. The parental approval It is, therefore, a matter of life or death for the child. The experience of being bad can be felt very deeply, because being bad carries the terrible risk of losing all support.
All boys and girls grow up with emotional residue from prohibitive gestures. They retain the conscious and unconscious memory of all those moments in which they felt bad or were failed. These are the inevitable scars that growing up leaves on your self-esteem This experience is also the starting point of criticism, which is nourished by these feelings of “nOh, it’s fine “There is still a part of you willing to believe that you are bad as soon as someone gets angry with you, or when you make a mistake, or when you miss a goal. This early feeling of not being right is the reason why attacks of criticism seem to fit so well with what you already believe about yourself.
If the early prohibitive gestures were moderate, adult criticism would rarely attack But if you were given strong messages about your evil as a child, adult criticism will take aim at you at every opportunity.
People with low self-esteem often turn to criticism to help them cope with feelings of anxiety, helplessness, rejection, and inadequacy. Paradoxically, While criticism hits you, it also makes you feel better That is why it is so difficult to get rid of criticism. This can play a decisive role in making you feel more confident and comfortable in the world.
Unfortunately, the price you have to pay for critical support is very high and also undermines your sense of worth. But it is reinforced to continue listening to it because criticism always manages to make you feel a little less anxious, less incompetent, less powerless or less vulnerable to others.
Unfortunately, the price you have to pay for critical support is very high and also undermines your sense of worth. But it is reinforced to continue listening to it because criticism always manages to make you feel a little less anxious, less incompetent, less powerless or less vulnerable to others.
How to deal with self-criticism?
To control the critic, you first have to be able to hear them. In every conscious moment of your life, you are engaged in an internal monologue. You interpret the experience, solve problems, speculate about the future, review the events that have occurred. Most of this continued self-talk is helpful, or at most innocuous. But somewhere hidden in the monologue are the complaints of his criticism. To catch the critic in the act of criticizing him, a special surveillance You must be listening to your internal monologue through the intercom. You have to catch the critic when he says: “Stupid… another idiotic mistake… you are weak… you will never get a job because something is wrong with you… you are a bad conversationalist… it is discouraging her…. “
