Why does the person closest to us sometimes not understand us? And more, sometimes our partner is the cause of our anger… Is it because he doesn’t want to or because he can’t?
Communication is perhaps the most important pillar of a relationship. Through good communication we can know each other, understand each other and, therefore, love each other. It is necessary for both of you to know what your partner likes and dislikes, in order to better understand each other and be able to help when necessary. However, each person is a world and the relationships between them are complex by nature. So, how do we realize if we have communication problems with our partner?
What is wrong in communication?
There are a series of fears that are sign of poor communication If they are recurring in your partner:
Sound the alarm if you often don’t know what to say to your partner because you think you have nothing valuable to express or you think you will say something that will arouse their ridicule.
Also if you are usually afraid of starting a fight and that inhibits you from communicating.
Be attentive if you do not know how to express thoughts and feelings in the appropriate way or you are too lazy to do so because you think it will require a lot of effort.
In short, if you are afraid to say what you think because you think your partner will not really listen to you, you are facing a problem. communication problem
Strategies to improve communication between couples
The sexologist and expert in couples therapy and family mediation Blanca Isabel Soria Arranz lists three steps to do for those who want improve communication with your partner:
1. Listen to the other with your heart and mind Without judging him and accepting his “otherness.” Our partner is not a part of us made up of our needs and similarities, he is someone unique and different.
2. Work on getting to know your partner. This is an exercise that must last as long as we are with her, throughout life, love must be the incentive that makes us interested and the personal growth of each one, which awakens interest in the unexplored terrains of the other.
3. And, finally, and fundamental, respect for the feelings and needs of others. The other is not someone taken from an idealized template that we create to achieve our future partner. He is a person with his own feelings and spiritual and material needs to whom we will demonstrate our love by accompanying him and seeking his satisfaction.
Furthermore, we must take care ways to communicate Something as simple as not speaking until your partner has finished and trying to listen with maximum attention is essential for good communication. Likewise, you should avoid speaking when you are angry or doubtful, always trying to focus on the positive. If the conversation has led to an argument, you have to reduce the tension, avoid confrontation, admit guilt when you have it and avoid lying. It is never a good idea to lie, even if done in a pious way. You have to be sincere and truthful, although with due tact.
Fundamental differences between men and women in communication
Sexologist Blanca Ojeda points out that women tend to be more gifted when it comes to communicating with their partner.
“It seems that women are culturally more trained in taking care of maintaining the emotional balance of family members and this means that we can have more tools when it comes to expressing our emotions, while for men the fact of talking about “Their emotions have been something that has traditionally been considered a weakness, so it is more common for them to keep their emotions quiet or express them in a veiled way.”
