“Reciprocal Unconditionality” In Emotional Relationships

Most emotional relationships, whether family, friends or couples, fall again and again into dynamics based on expectations. And having expectations is healthy, because if not, nothing could be built in this life, neither on a material level nor on a relational level. However, it happens that many times, if not in most relationships, expectation is confused with condition, that is, “if I do this, I expect to get this.” And it is true that in the area related to achieving achievements that have to do with effort and perseverance, expectations are necessary because they serve as a guide in the desired direction, for example, if I make an effort to go to the gym and follow a healthy diet, I hope to have better health and better physical appearance. However, in the relational sphere, there are many relationships that expect results from the other person as a result of one’s own behavior or attitude, for example, if I lend a friend some pants, I expect that when I ask her for something too lent it to me, often believing that accepting requests from others, caring for them and attending to them, will mean that we can, in the same way, expect the same in return. I call this an instrumentalization of the relationship, a conditional relationship.

So what does it mean to accept the other unconditionally? Well, it means allowing him to “be as he is”, and not as I want him to be; It means respecting their decisions, their dreams, their emotions, and not disqualifying them. To accept unconditionally is to love someone for the simple fact of their existence, valuing and accepting their essence. Now, unconditional acceptance does not mean accepting someone above all else, it does not mean justifying bad actions because you love them; It does not mean not expecting anything from the other person and it does not mean accepting crumbs in order to accept their whole being. It is for all this that I have called this article “reciprocal unconditionality in relationships”, referring to the existence, between two people, of a relational reciprocity, in which one does not expect anything from the other, but, without However, each one receives from the other so much that they feel they are in a relationship of trust and security, where each one gives and receives without expecting anything in return, and under a system of respect, transparency and authenticity. These are relationships based on the purest love, without the presence of behaviors tainted by blackmail or emotional manipulation and without the existence of behaviors that, although they do not explicitly appear to be harmful, are selfish and unempathetic.

Thus, putting into practice the reciprocal unconditionality allows you :

• -Be aware of yourself and analyze if you are hoping, through some attitude of care or dedication to the other, to obtain something in return. Even be aware of whether we apply blackmail or manipulation towards him for the same purpose. In this case, I suggest you train yourself in cultivating self-love and giving yourself what you need.
• -Being aware that we do not expect anything in return and that we act of our own free will and from unconditionality, we feel that we do not receive balance and harmony in the relationship or, even, we receive negative treatment. In this case, it is time to make decisions, from having an assertive conversation with the other person, where we can express ourselves clearly, firmly and with respect, to analyzing whether or not it compensates for the relationship we are maintaining.

We must be clear that reciprocal unconditionality is a give and receive without expecting anything in return, because, otherwise, we can fall into the dynamics of toxic relationships, reducing self-esteem and, therefore, being trapped in a feeling of being lost, cancelled. The human species develops and evolves in social and emotional relationships, and if they are not healthy, we will not be able to develop in an integral and healthy way.