Anticipatory Anxiety In Personal Relationships: What It Is And How To Calm It
Anticipatory anxiety is one of the most famous concepts in the world of Psychology, and the truth is that it is also frequently present outside the academic field, in the personal relationships that the majority of citizens experience.
In this article We will see what the anticipatory anxiety that arises in those interactions with others that we consider important is like: on a date with someone we like, in a situation where we are trying to make friends, etc.
Anticipatory anxiety: a psychological phenomenon based on ambivalence
Let’s start by knowing what anticipatory anxiety consists of. This psychological phenomenon is a type of anxiety characterized by discomfort at the idea of suffering a “peak” of anxiety and/or losing control in a specific situation that we know or believe will occur in the near future. Although practically all forms of anxiety have a “fear of fear” component, in this case this emotional element takes center stage in relation to a specific event for which we feel that we are not prepared.
One of the key ideas to remember is that in anticipatory anxiety there is a strong emotional ambivalence. On the one hand, the mind of the person who suffers from it remains fixed or “anchored” in a catastrophic prediction about what will happen, assuming that we are exposing ourselves to one of the worst possible futures given the circumstances. But on the other, This feeling of pessimistic certainty about what is going to happen is combined with a discomfort in the face of uncertainty: The person also feels bad because they notice that depending on what they say or do in the present, that can have very relevant and unpredictable consequences on what is going to take place at that moment they fear reaching.
So, for example, if a person feels very anxious because the next day they have a date with someone they like and whom they have met on the Internet, it is likely that two lines of thoughts will combine in their mind that generate discomfort but, at the same time, At the same time, they are apparently contradictory.
On the one hand, it assumes that it is not going to make a good impression because it assumes that the other person has fallen for the tricks of an idealized “avatar” that exists only on social networks; You may find yourself thinking over and over what kind of photos of your face show you at an angle that isn’t representative of what you look like, or what kind of preconceptions the other person may make you mistaken for reality based on what you see. you have read in your chat sessions.
And, on the other, That person is probably also obsessed with trying to take control of the present to prepare as best as possible for that appointment, so that your own anxiety (among other things) doesn’t ruin it. Thus, there is a fear of losing control and at the same time there is a fear that the result of an action is outside the reach of one’s own control; This combination of ideas and sources of concern causes anticipatory anxiety to become a vicious circle.
What role does the self-fulfilling prophecy play in all this?
The self-fulfilling prophecy is a curious psychological phenomenon through which people contribute to creating the future that we predict by thinking about it. In the case of anxiety problems, this is a very present element: by being anxious, we put ourselves “on guard” and that leads us to adopt behavioral patterns that feed anxiety.
In the case of anticipatory anxiety applied to personal relationships, the self-fulfilling prophecy plays a lot with expectations. On the one hand, leads us to assume that we will look ridiculous or that we will not measure up when it comes to giving an image of who we really are to someone we care about, and that predisposes us to behave in an unnatural way to desperately try to correct that possibility.
On the other hand, the fact that the other person is seeing that we perceive the situation as uncomfortable or even grotesque (not in a good way). makes me assume that the situation is that way
How to manage anticipatory anxiety when interacting with others?
Keep these tips in mind to avoid letting anticipatory anxiety play tricks on you when making new friends, speaking in public, flirting, etc.
1. Don’t try to block the discomfort
Trying to leave anxiety and the thoughts associated with it out of your own mind is a rookie mistake when it comes to managing emotions. Not only do you not have to try to block anxiety, you should accept it and not give it any more importance than it has. Once it has arisen in you, instead of fighting against it, dedicate yourself to directing your attention towards other stimuli and experiences In this way, it will weaken without you realizing it.
2. Assume that the comedy of a situation can serve to demonstrate the confidence you have in yourself
If you pay attention, People with better social skills are so self-confident that they can allow themselves to perform actions that might technically be ridiculous but due to their attitude, they are not perceived that way.
In fact, there are those who deliberately use this type of actions to show that they are not afraid of “breaking the ice” in a social situation in the craziest ways possible: starting to dance in the middle of the street for no reason, telling very funny jokes. bad, etc. Showing that you are aware of the extravagance of these actions generates a feeling of complicity, and on the one hand, demonstrates self-confidence.
If these people can behave that way, you certainly don’t have to fear the possibility of “going off script” from what is considered normal or conventional; It all depends on the attitude with which you do it and with which you recognize your mistakes or even laugh at them. Remember that If you create the expectation that the other person should laugh with you and not at you, that’s probably what they will do
3. When you notice that you have had a very hard day, resort to relaxation techniques
Relaxation techniques can help you as a resource for specific use that allows you to bring your nervous system to a state of less activation A few minutes of an exercise like Jacobson’s progressive muscle relaxation will allow you to do a mental reset.
4. Don’t memorize, focus your attention on the moment
When preparing to talk to someone who intimidates you in one way or another, don’t try to recite memorized lines; That will make you suffer even more anticipatory anxiety. In ez of that, accept that it will be an experience based on spontaneity in which your imperfections will be seen, but at the same time you will be able to see those of your interlocutor.
Do you need psychological assistance to learn to manage anxiety?
If in your daily life you notice that you have anxiety problems and you are interested in having professional psychological support, contact me.
My name is Javier Ares and I am a psychologist who is an expert in emotional problems and relationship problems. In psychotherapy we can work to enhance psychological skills and aptitudes related to the management of anxiety and the thoughts and forms of behavior that influence it.
I work in person in my office located in Madrid, and also online through video call sessions.
