Gratuitous Cruelty: Possible Causes And Psychological Consequences
It is sometimes disheartening to see some of our brightest and most capable clients come to a consultation with their lives almost destroyed.
And almost all of them have something in common: have been victims of gratuitous cruelty although as we will see throughout the article, in reality, cruelty is almost never gratuitous.
If we define cruelty as the pleasure obtained from harming someone, we can leave aside physical, verbal or moral attacks that have a purely functional nature, such as those aimed at obtaining economic benefits or a better position in the work environment.
The cruelty that we are going to talk about here is what covers most of the aggressions that we see on a daily basis, which tend to be due to more unconscious reasons. And it is important that we know the subject because one of the biggest problems that our clients encounter is that They feel victims of attacks and do not know why
Much of the psychological literature attributes these behaviors to the natural tendencies of psychopaths or narcissistic perverts, but if this were so, it would only affect a small part of the population. But the truth is that the daily reality we encounter is very different.
We continually see how normal people carry out attacks, often anonymously, aimed at undermining the self-esteem and well-being of other people who, at least apparently, have done nothing to deserve it. And most of the time, it is due to a deep sense of inadequacy or inferiority of the people carrying out the attacks.
Often, at an unconscious level, they perceive their victim as superior in some way: physical, intellectual or emotional. They see the other person as more attractive, intelligent, creative, happy, lucky… and they can’t stand it. Because the truth is that no one likes to feel inferior
It is very important to understand that these differences are often only in the mind of the aggressor, they are not real. But the truth is that the strategy of these people is to undermine the quality of life of the other person to feel superior themselves.
Forms of attacks
The physique, self-esteem, relationships or any other important element of that person’s life can be attacked. Attacks can often be anonymous, such as in cases of cyberbullying or slander.
Other times they can be direct attacks when the other person’s helplessness is perceived You can use personal ties, family ties, the level of trust, social position or the specific context in which you know that the other person’s reaction is difficult.
Generally, these types of attacks are carried out in a context of impunity in which the victim does not want to, cannot or does not know how to defend himself Therefore, a situation of permanent or temporary weakness often favors this type of attack.
But other times, the motivation is different: sometimes, what the aggressor intends is only to discharge his own level of tension and aggressiveness by pouring it onto another person who is within reach. And we must recognize that if our society has more than enough of something, it is aggressiveness and tension, which is why anyone can become a victimizer at a specific moment.
A third motivation is the creation of social pyramids, even in contexts of relationships of any kind By pushing a person to the bottom of the pyramid, the aggressor automatically places himself in a preeminent place, thus seeing his self-esteem reinforced at the expense of that of another person.
The effects of this cruelty
If these processes are carried out unconsciously, the psychological well-being of the aggressor is not a problem, because through the well-known mechanism of self-justification, plausible reasons will always be found for the victim to receive the abuse: he will be attacked for being too presumptuous, stupid. , innocent, rich… always from the point of view of the aggressor, yes. All these judgments reveal, in reality, the shortcomings of the aggressor.
But let’s not forget that There are also people (and they are not few) who are perfectly aware of what they are doing and they enjoy the process of systematically destroying other people.
If the attacks occur over time, especially if they begin in childhood, they will have a cumulative character that will deteriorate the psychic structure of the person and cause it to organize it around defensive mechanisms one of which may be to become an aggressor in order not to be attacked.
Finally, it is interesting to remember that aggressors do not usually go to therapy, because either they are not aware of the process, or they are aware but do not want to give up this type of strategy, since it provides them with numerous social and emotional advantages.
Often, clients who come to therapy feel bad, they feel like their world is falling apart, but they are not aware of what they have experienced and what they are still experiencing.
A process of reconstruction of the person’s life is necessary of healing psychic wounds, of discovering people’s authentic desires and motivations.
And above all, an awareness of one’s true worth, talents and abilities is necessary.
And it can be said, without a doubt, that when someone decides to rebuild their life, the results are always worth it.
