The human being is a social, emotional animal, and also… a liar But let’s leave value judgments aside. Telling lies is one of the most important and functional human adaptation mechanisms.
Lies help us understand our own reality, build an identity, and are also a cognitive skill that even leads us towards empathy. However… At what point do lies start to be a problem? Why do we sometimes lie to excess (in relation to your job, family, or partner). What does it lead you to? Has it ever happened to you?
Lying is a trait of intelligence, but it also carries an emotional consequence. Why do we sometimes lie excessively? What is the root problem? How to solve it? In this article you will be able to discover what lies lead you to, what is behind it, and how to solve it.
Let’s start at the beginning: lying is a skill we do every day. When we are children we learn to lie because We discovered that by distorting certain facts of reality we can achieve certain objectives in our personal relationships In principle, this is an adaptive trait that helps us face situations, build identity and learn to relate to others (the famous white lies).
Over the years, we learn that lying is a strategy that sometimes gets us out of a conflict or with which we achieve certain benefits. The problem with lies occurs when its purpose is not to adapt, but rather to avoid facing a fact that is complex for us When excessive lies occur, we begin to feel insecurity, anxiety, increasingly overwhelmed and we feel a weight on us that oppresses us.
Sometimes, in consultations, many people confess to me that they are compulsive liars. When we delve deeper into his case, we discover that there are no more lies than usual, but rather a series of redundant lies that increase his discomfort and anxious state.
As a psychologist and coach, my job is to accompany people in a process of change where they achieve the changes they need thanks to their own personal change. This is what is truly internalized and serves forever.
The reasons for lies
We can lie in different aspects, and the origins are also different.
1. In the social field
We lie to be able to integrate into a certain group or to generate a certain image The end in itself is positive: being able to connect with others. The problem is that lies never last over time.
The origin of this lie is insecurity: we do not trust our personal abilities, which is why we lie.
2. On the family plot
We usually lie for fear of the consequences When we make others feel anger, disappointment, or rejection, we hide certain relevant information or lie about it because we fear the possible consequences.
This leads us to communicate opaquely instead of assertively, which makes us feel isolated, anxious, and overwhelmed. Personal relationships are greatly deteriorated by this custom, based on fear.
3. In the professional field
we can lie to hide information whose consequences we fear, to impress, or to create a series of expectations that cannot be met Above all, we lie for fear of not meeting the demands that we create for ourselves.
In the sentimental area: lies are more frequent in this area and it is where they cause us the most problems. We lie out of insecurity (we fear the consequences of our actions) and we can also develop the habit of lying to feel adrenaline and personal security (as happens in the case of people who maintain several relationships at the same time, hidden among them).
In all cases we find a common factor: we lie in principle to adapt and achieve certain personal objectives without harming others (in principle this is the positive function of lies) but later we can lie excessively due to a series of fundamental emotions : fear, insecurity and guilt. Fear of consequences, insecurity about our abilities, and guilt about the consequences of the lies themselves
The solution to excessive lies
Lying excessively leads us to a state of anxiety, worry and overwhelm that results in a very unpleasant general malaise. Lying is like a snowball or tsunami effect: it is increasingly difficult for us to escape them. The solution, however, is to work precisely with the origin of these excessive lies: the way in which you understand and manage those emotions.
Feeling fear, insecurity or guilt is in principle natural (as are white lies). The biggest problem is when you do not know how to understand and manage what you feel, to the point that these emotions are too intense, frequent and long-lasting, in such a way that they condition your behavior and lead you towards excessive lies.
Carrying out this learning is what leads you towards an encounter with yourself and allows you to relate to others and the world in an assertive, positive, and above all honest way.
If you want to live this learning, I make you a special proposal: in Human Empowerment you can find options to schedule a first exploratory session with me. In that session we will be able to get to know each other, delve deeper into your situation (in any type of area: sentimental, professional, personal, etc.), find a definitive solution and see how I can accompany you.
Change becomes reality only if it comes from you. Here, I assure you… I’m not lying to you.
